Dilemma

I want an easy life. Easy life as per imagination - I would be busy reading books, eat whatever I want, laugh or cry whenever I want to, able to say no to anyone if I don't want (to do) anything, make faces when I don't like anyone, tell straight to their faces if I hate them, ignore rubbish talks, further ignoring brags, hm what else?

In my imagination, I am a selfish human being. And I always hate a selfish friend. So I definitely don't want to be one. 

Maka, I have to do what I have to do. Manage my anger, suck up my annoyance, be nice to everyone even if I don't feel like it, don't make faces, be patient, be patient and be patient. For those who know me well they know how impatient I am (especially if I'm waiting). Phew, so much I have to give up in order to become a pleasant friend.

And I will... try my best. I'm a year older I have to be a year wiser.

I'm sorry if sometimes my imagination rules me.

Assalamualaikum.

Aidiladha

Assalamualaikum.



This is my fourth Aidiladha in Bangalore. This year Aidiladha was a bit hambar. agaknya sebab seniors dah nak balik (some already left) and there's no single activity done! Cuma sembahyang raya takbir sesikit ada jamuan makan nasi beriyani... and that's all. It's boring I tell you. Let's just hope next (and last, Insyaallah) Aidiladha would be better, as meriah as we once celebrated when I was in first or second year.



Nasib baik some people are so thoughtful they cook a lot and my tummy sure is happy. This year I didn't cook anything haha maybe next year Insyaallah. The best dish I had this Aidiladha is Hana's lodeh. I siap mintak tapau haha. But it would be better with tempe tsk faham la keadaan orang merantau. Ini dah cukup baik hihi. Mira made kuah kacang, which is spicy (for me) so I kinda miss the usual, sweet kuah kacang in Terengganu but changes are good haha.



Sembahyang raya is syahdu as always.. In those less than hour time it makes me think about a lot of things. They talk a lot about "korban". How much have I sacrificed throughout the year for Him? And yet, He still gives me most of the things that I've wanted.



It's been a year. See how much I have grown haha. I don't even cry when I hugged Kak Farah goodbye ;)

The first and last

Assalamualaikum.



I'm back in India. Datang dengan semangat dan cita-cita menggunung tehee ok sebenarnya nak belajar OBG tak nak dapat B- dah haha kena balik Malaysia dengan A kali ni. Setakat ni tak homesick lagi kot haha selalunya I start homesick bila I stress. Sebab Isnin ni baru start kelas so minggu depan la kot baru start homesick haha.



Hm tahun empat. Lagi dua tahun. Tapi rasa kosong serius kalau ada orang pengsan depan mata sekarang still tak tahu nak buat apa-apa (ok hari tu jumpa mak cik pengsan kat mall tapi tak tau nak buat apa terus jalan pelan-pelan buat-buat tak nampak tehee). Oh sekarang seniors tengah rancak jual barang-barang kat IMS yardsale sekejap je semua barang dah habis. I tak rasa nak beli apa-apa pun haha (ok kecuali vacuum dengan buku-buku best tak tahu la bila nak baca kan) tapi seronok tengok barang-barang mana la tahu ada yang murah/free boleh terus cop.



Apa ni random sangat haha.



Toby is fat and happy. Um. Ok ni serius tak ada apa nak cakap haha bye.

Keputusan

Assalamualaikum!

Since the first day of holiday I didn't think much of the last exam we had. I think I did mention about the papers which were susah wuwuu but I kinda forgot about it until todayyy out of nowhere Raihan posted on Facebook the results were released and yes, everyone has passed.

As I had mentioned before the whole batch is divided into three hospitals and Im posted in Sindhi Hospital. So the results are given according to the hospitals but we sat for the same papers.. I got 6 subjects - Medicine Surgery OBG (its called OnG in Malaysia I dont why its OBG in India) Pediatrics Psychiatry and Primary Care.

Did I mention OBG papers were the hardest? I cried a little (dalam hati) after the bell rang I knew I would fail. I dont know about others tho, but I know nothing about eclampsia (essay question was avout what is eclampsia and how to manage) btw eclampsia is like in simple words, seizure during pregnancy thats all I know to be honest haha its due to high blood pressure and something about constricted blood vessels and limited oxygen supply.. ok go google the rest of the story.

Anywayy I got a B- for OBG ok la haha Alhamdulillah I didnt fail but I kinda feel like I let Dr Prajna down. Not like she expects me to get an A or something.. tapi I dont know, I like her and I really like OBG I just feel like I should do better than a B-. Haha ok ok I should do better next time Ama said this is just numbers and figures (or something) it doesnt really matter what matters is how much do you know because sometimes we made mistakes during exam. Ok lah. Must do better next time (more like must read eclampsia next time lol).

Remember how much I complained about how I dislike Surgery because I have to remember a lot of structures and whatnot? I actually got an A for Surgery. Haha now I kinda like Surgery :p

Others are okay.. I didnt expect much so Im not that dissappointed or not too happy but Im excited to go back to India and start reading right away haha nerd ok.

Reminds me of an ayah ... jap nak check...

 Ok dah jumpa.

"Agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan tidak pula terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikanNya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak menyukai setiap org yg sombong dan membanggakan diri..." (Al-Hadid ; 23)



Alhamdulillah but I know I must try harder next time because for me a good Muslim must not be satisfied with only "good" results but try to be the best in whatever we do (learned this from a friend).. Haha I know Im that nerd, and congratulations everyone Im proud of you guys :)

Baik baik

Assalamualaikum.

When I was in ... first year I guess eh terus direct to the point kan jarang tulis tak ada intro macam ni anyway I like cats I mean I live with cats for my entire life tiba-tiba datang India I barely saw a cat so I was all excited to babysit for cats while the seniors were away on their holidays.

I babysat for Auni and her kids I forgot the names but they are big cats now and one of them died few months back. I had to go to Kakak's house everyday to feed the cats and pack up their poops. I went to see the cats for like 1-2 times in one day because I missed them haha so I had to see them. Its not like I did it because I had to but I kinda liked the job.

I mean cats kan they are so messy their hairs are everywhere but they are so adorable you have to forgive them and love them anyway.

So when I first got Toby I was (still am) so happy its like having my first son but suddenly college gives us long holidays so I have to leave him for two months. If Im rich I wont mind sending him to board anywhere but I dont have the money to pay Rs 150 per day for two months so I have to find someone to take care of him.

Last year a Kakak agreed to take care of him. I was so relieved but biasa la I dont easily trust people haha so I had my doubts la. So after one month my neighbour took over the job due to few problems, and well it was a disaster haha but I wont complain because at least he fed Toby well.

So this year again I have the same problem I begged a kakak to help me out because suddenly its holiday for everyone except for the very batch who going to take their final exam in no time. But I had no choice! So the very very kind kakak agreed and I came home with a happy heart. But she decided she cant help me anymore okay I understand there is a huge exam coming. I feel bad too because I kinda forced her to jaga Toby kan... I still love her anyway because she helped me while Im in need walhal dia banyak lagiiii benda nak buat so okay la but now what am I supposed to do Im so far from India what can I do..

Idk how suddenly a junior willingly nak jaga Toby so can you imagine how Im feeling haha Im so relieved I nearly cried but I wont because Im at home I dont cry at home haha I dont even tell Mom I miss Toby so badly lol. Anyway so three more weeks I just hope everything will turn out okay after this we dont have anymore holidays paling lama dua minggu I kinda glad haha.

I thanked Nurlin so many times I just hope she wont get tired of me haha. She should see what I tweeted about her. Of how much I love her haha. Ok. Behave..

Anyway what Im trying to say is.. just do good because somehow He will repay your good deeds. Kalau bukan sekarang maybe one day in future. Percaya la Allah la sebaik-baik tuhan dalam dunia ni (not that there is any other god).. just be good do good and make people around you feel loved, He will love you in return. Do good but dont expect other people to repay your kindness because biasa la manusia kadang-kadang kita lupa siapa yang buat baik, so just do good for the sake of Him.

:)

Cutiiiii

Assalamualaikum yes Im still in Malaysia Ill be here for one more month seronoknya cuti tak payah fikir apa-apa bangun tidur kemas rumah makan baring-baring tetiba dah malam haha apa ni tak produktif langsung. Bukak laptop pun malas sanggup update blog guna phone je.


Hmm I decided Im not doing attachment this year because Im too lazy! Ya Allah apa ni why Im so lazy ok malas tu satu, and tak nak susahkan parents I hantar ambil I tsk yes I cant drive yet Umi said she'll allow me to drive after two years. Ill be 23 by then. Tuanya baru nak ambil lesen. K.



What else. Haha Im telling you my holiday is lazy and boring I dobt have anything to share. Or Im too lazy to think. Sebenarnya cuti lelama tak best jugak sebab I tend to be tak produktif. Which is not good. I hate wasting time like this tapi harus la guna masa sebaiknya sebelum masuk tahun empat. Tahun empattt. Tapi still rasa tak tahu apa-apa.


Serius.


I miss Ramadhan. You cant be lazy in Ramadhan. Seriously, all you wanna do in Ramadhan is do good read al-Quran non stop and read good books. Kenapa tak boleh jadi serajin tu dalam Syawal. Ya Allah puasa bulan Syawal paling susah. Sebab raya baru habis nafsu makan membuak-buak haha amboi so um. Umi ckp sebab tu puasa Syawal banyak pahala. Ok Umi. I cuba.


I dont have any plan for this holiday. Except for Eyzzah's weddibg of course. Abaikan banyak typo. Mesti banyak kan? Malas nak check.

Raya

I'm back in Malaysia (for two months) and I'm having the time of my life. No exams, no worries about what should I cook haha, celebrating raya and ... :)



Malas gila nak update. Tapi banyak nak share. Tapi malas. Tapi tapi tapiiii. Ok. A good friend of mine, dah selamat jadi isteri orang malam ni. Kenapa semua orang dah besar I wanna be a kid forever boleh haha ok dah. Sebenarnya tengah tunggu Sims siap install. Lama bukan main.



I always love raya. Although we only celebrate the first day of raya and spend the next days watching tv haha. But I like it anyway.



Semoga kita tak jadi hamba Ramadhan semata-mata. Bukan main malas nak mengaji sekarang ya. Masa puasa amboi boleh baca sampai dua juzuk sehari. Haip.



Bye. Kalau rajin kita update betul-betul. Ni pemalas sangat ni.

Escape

I like Ramapura. It's good to be away from the city sometimes.
And the weather now, masyaAllah! I'm so in love with monsoon season.
(minus the higher risk for gastroenteritis) 

Three more weeks to theory exam. Bismillah..

:)

End of Psychiatry postingg

Assalamualaikum.



Today is the last day of Psychiatry posting. We had EOP exam for two days and it was hmm okay I guess?



Since I came to clinical sites the last thing I care about is how much I got. I just want to please my lecturers and learn as many things as possible. Okay tipu la "the last thing". But because they don't reveal our marks so I don't think much about it. And as soon as we finish one posting we immediately go to the next posting and we'll be so busy and forget about the past exams. And mind you, we have so many exams! Everytime I call Mom and said "Please doa for me, tomorrow I got exam" Mom will go "Ok I'll doa eh exam lagi? Bukan dah exam hari tu?" huwhuw.



Anyhow, I'm happy I pleased Dr Anitha. I always like to see her smile, she has this genuine smile (but scary eyes haha) that you'll know you have pleased her. I think? Haha. And she's so good at acting! During OSCE she has to act as a patient and we have to take her history, as in, ask her why do you come here what is your problem how do are you feeling right now etc etc. Whenever I asked a question she answered so well I feel as if I was really a psychiatrist. But I don't think I want to be one, I prefer a real medicine, things that involve blood, liver, kidney, uterus, real blood, real pain, brain etc etc.



And I think I might be the kind of psychiatrist (if I were one) who got involved emotionally with the patients. Which is not good, susah ok, if you're the kind who pity everyone. Because mentally sick patients are a lot sadder than physically sick patients. People simply call them "gila" come on, it's not their fault okay. Let's all put the blame on dopamine. Bad dopamine haipp. (P/s : schizophrenia is caused by increased production of dopamine)



But again, I might change my mind. Even I, myself, cannot predict my own mind.



So after this I'll be going to Primary Care posting! What it is I don't know, so next week I'll update more about it. And by the end of next month we'll have theory papers and then balik Malaysia for raya yay haha. Now please remember to study ok, I have to read (and mug up) 4 subjects. Tsk. Hello again OBG.



I realized the main reason I keep on blogging even though most of my friends have stopped (but keep on reading mine oh hi Alya is that you reading mihmihmihihihi) because I have such a poor memory. I can recite all the names of antipsychotic drugs but I fail to recite for example, my housemates' phone numbers. Or anyone's birthdays, or anyone's full name haha. I can't even remember what are the small things I've experienced in the past. I love digging in into my OWN memory when I talk about the past with Mira hihi because she remembers e-very-thing.



Se when I blog I'll remember what have I done yesterday, or last week, or last year. But then again, I'm trying to write something beneficial to others too. Everyone's a dai'e, we bring Islam in our attitude towards others, how we talk, how we dress, how we interpret things.. Semua atas nama Islam. So yeah, I'm trying. Please bear with me :)



Weekend is here (again). I'm so glad. And it's raining! I feel even better :)



Assalamualaikum.

I'm trying :)
(source : tumblr)

Demi Masa

Assalamualaikum.



Semalam my IG was flooded with pictures of adik-adik first and second year in their last day of first and second year of MBBS. Cepatnyaaa masa berlalu I remember fetching those first year students at the airport eh tetiba dah habis tinggal nak final exam je lagi.




While I have 1 more week in Psychiatry followed by one month posting in Primary Care and theory exam and its the end of third year. I cant believe this is happening it makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.




What did I do for the past one year? I have two more years left. I dont want time to fly so fast but at the same time I keep thinking of my future and I miss my past. Im a confused human being Im telling you haha.



"Wahai manusia! Jika kamu meragukan (hari) kebangkitan, maka sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan kamu dari tanah, kemudian dari setetes mani, kemudian dari segumpal darah, kemudian dari segumpal daging yang sempurna kejadiannya dan yang tidak sempurna, agar Kami jelaskan kepada kamu; dan Kami tetapkan dalam rahim menurut kehendak Kami sampai waktu yang sudah ditentukan, kemudian Kami keluarkan kamu sebagai bayi, kemudian (dengan beransur-ansur), kamu sampai kepada usia dewasa dan di antara kamu ada yang diwafatkan dan (ada pula) di antara kamu yang dikembalikan sampai usia sangat tua (pikun), sehingga dia tidak mengetahui sesuatu yang telah diketahuinya..." (Al-Haj : 5)




This ayah, is like, concluding the whole life of a human being. It makes me shiver thinking that He holds our lives in one hand and when the time comes He takes them back and you've done. And one day He would ask, what have you done all this while? Have you done enough to make Me grant you the beautiful Jannah and live with the beautiful people inside it?



No :(



Time is moving so fast I have to run to keep up with it.