End of Psychiatry postingg

Assalamualaikum.



Today is the last day of Psychiatry posting. We had EOP exam for two days and it was hmm okay I guess?



Since I came to clinical sites the last thing I care about is how much I got. I just want to please my lecturers and learn as many things as possible. Okay tipu la "the last thing". But because they don't reveal our marks so I don't think much about it. And as soon as we finish one posting we immediately go to the next posting and we'll be so busy and forget about the past exams. And mind you, we have so many exams! Everytime I call Mom and said "Please doa for me, tomorrow I got exam" Mom will go "Ok I'll doa eh exam lagi? Bukan dah exam hari tu?" huwhuw.



Anyhow, I'm happy I pleased Dr Anitha. I always like to see her smile, she has this genuine smile (but scary eyes haha) that you'll know you have pleased her. I think? Haha. And she's so good at acting! During OSCE she has to act as a patient and we have to take her history, as in, ask her why do you come here what is your problem how do are you feeling right now etc etc. Whenever I asked a question she answered so well I feel as if I was really a psychiatrist. But I don't think I want to be one, I prefer a real medicine, things that involve blood, liver, kidney, uterus, real blood, real pain, brain etc etc.



And I think I might be the kind of psychiatrist (if I were one) who got involved emotionally with the patients. Which is not good, susah ok, if you're the kind who pity everyone. Because mentally sick patients are a lot sadder than physically sick patients. People simply call them "gila" come on, it's not their fault okay. Let's all put the blame on dopamine. Bad dopamine haipp. (P/s : schizophrenia is caused by increased production of dopamine)



But again, I might change my mind. Even I, myself, cannot predict my own mind.



So after this I'll be going to Primary Care posting! What it is I don't know, so next week I'll update more about it. And by the end of next month we'll have theory papers and then balik Malaysia for raya yay haha. Now please remember to study ok, I have to read (and mug up) 4 subjects. Tsk. Hello again OBG.



I realized the main reason I keep on blogging even though most of my friends have stopped (but keep on reading mine oh hi Alya is that you reading mihmihmihihihi) because I have such a poor memory. I can recite all the names of antipsychotic drugs but I fail to recite for example, my housemates' phone numbers. Or anyone's birthdays, or anyone's full name haha. I can't even remember what are the small things I've experienced in the past. I love digging in into my OWN memory when I talk about the past with Mira hihi because she remembers e-very-thing.



Se when I blog I'll remember what have I done yesterday, or last week, or last year. But then again, I'm trying to write something beneficial to others too. Everyone's a dai'e, we bring Islam in our attitude towards others, how we talk, how we dress, how we interpret things.. Semua atas nama Islam. So yeah, I'm trying. Please bear with me :)



Weekend is here (again). I'm so glad. And it's raining! I feel even better :)



Assalamualaikum.

I'm trying :)
(source : tumblr)

Demi Masa

Assalamualaikum.



Semalam my IG was flooded with pictures of adik-adik first and second year in their last day of first and second year of MBBS. Cepatnyaaa masa berlalu I remember fetching those first year students at the airport eh tetiba dah habis tinggal nak final exam je lagi.




While I have 1 more week in Psychiatry followed by one month posting in Primary Care and theory exam and its the end of third year. I cant believe this is happening it makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.




What did I do for the past one year? I have two more years left. I dont want time to fly so fast but at the same time I keep thinking of my future and I miss my past. Im a confused human being Im telling you haha.



"Wahai manusia! Jika kamu meragukan (hari) kebangkitan, maka sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan kamu dari tanah, kemudian dari setetes mani, kemudian dari segumpal darah, kemudian dari segumpal daging yang sempurna kejadiannya dan yang tidak sempurna, agar Kami jelaskan kepada kamu; dan Kami tetapkan dalam rahim menurut kehendak Kami sampai waktu yang sudah ditentukan, kemudian Kami keluarkan kamu sebagai bayi, kemudian (dengan beransur-ansur), kamu sampai kepada usia dewasa dan di antara kamu ada yang diwafatkan dan (ada pula) di antara kamu yang dikembalikan sampai usia sangat tua (pikun), sehingga dia tidak mengetahui sesuatu yang telah diketahuinya..." (Al-Haj : 5)




This ayah, is like, concluding the whole life of a human being. It makes me shiver thinking that He holds our lives in one hand and when the time comes He takes them back and you've done. And one day He would ask, what have you done all this while? Have you done enough to make Me grant you the beautiful Jannah and live with the beautiful people inside it?



No :(



Time is moving so fast I have to run to keep up with it.

Sabtu dan Syukur

Assalamualaikum. (I usually say "hi" or "hello" instead of give salam haip habits are so hard to break) (eh).

I usually spend my Saturday morning jogging at JP Park with Nisa, or anyone la who wants to join me. Ok I know I got a treadmill at home I can basically jog anytime I want wearing anything I want EH BEHAVE. 

But I love getting out of my comfy comforter (yes, it is monsoon season now all you wanna do is sleep all day) and out of my comfy home (imagine cats purring) (yes, I babysit Sophie for few day) and out of Dwellington (amboi) and walk to JP Park. Have I told you I'm a hopeless romantic I can spend my whole day at a park and just sit or walk aimlessly? Yes. I'm that romantic haha.

I recently discovered that there is a slum area in the park. Not just one or two house (its not even a house its more like a tent) but maybe more than 20. I see a lot of kids coming to hospital due to various infection. The main reason; unhygienic. I've seen a kid, I still remember how she looks like, she got a swelling in her chest. We did some scanning and guess what it is? 

It is hydatic cyst (mohon klik untuk tengok gambar)! Ok bahasa mudahnye.. Hm ok it's a parasite usually found in dogs. It is passed from dogs to human through feco-oral route, as in budak main-main tanah tangan masuk mulut tak sedar eh ada tahi anjing or something like that.

Makanya bila tengok slum macam tu, terdetik la di hati.. What kind of water are you guys using is it clean is it boiled how do you guys sleep at night is there any rat? cockroach? ants? Do the kids go to school? Do they have toys? Aaaa kesian. Exactly behind the slum area there big houses with cars and (I imagine) good food. How unfair is that?

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang mana kamu dustakan? (Ar-Rahman : 13) 



Gulp.

I'm sorry Allah if today I complain I don't have a good life. My life has been very good. Very very very good. Alhamdulillah T_T Now I understand why You want me to be here for five years.

Schizophrenia

When I was (eh lupa nak ckp assalamualaikum) in second year I learned Pharmacology and one thing that I like most is learning about all those anti-psychotic drugs. Then I came to know Jenny, a child schizophrenic. I  think I just randomly googled "schizophrenic child" then I found her videos on YouTube. I used to share it on Facebook but I doubt it if anyone would watch (because the video is like 10 mins who want to watch something that long) (except me).

I met a schizophrenic patient yesterday. I didn't expect to see one in Sindhi Hospital but well, I did. She's 40 plus I think well I'm not sure, she's very big (Dr Anitha said it might be the side effects of anti-psychotic drugs). She came with her husband, her husband made most of the talking (he speaks Kannada I can guess few words but mostly Dr Anitha kindly translated to us) and sometimes she would interrupt but she speaks Tamil and few random words that even Dr Anitha didn't understand. 

She said her husband is not her husband, she accused him of being alcoholic and beats her (later he showed few scars on his chest he said she sometimes got violent and hit him) and she claimed that she's married to the gods. 

*shivers*

The problem started after they got their first child (I think 20 years back) and the baby died after 3 months and she started behaving like that. Her husband is so loyallll anyone sane would simply run away and find another woman but he is still here and he's so sabar! He said he would do the laundry and he sleeps on the floor because his wife doesn't want him sleeping with her. And he got bitten by rats T_T

Bila lelaki yang baik, setia macam ni terus hati rasa auw sedihnya tapi lagi selalu jumpa perempuan yang sanggup tunggu suami bertahun-tahun.

*     *     *     *     *

Most of the low class women in India don't work. All their time and whatever left for them are dedicated to their husbands and children. They do all the house chores and left with nothing to do at home when husbands go to work and children are in school. Now that's how they develop depression. Free time and loneliness are cruel I'm telling you.

Dr Anitha said "Happines comes from the inside and the real happiness doesn't depend on people around you", let's say your happiness depends on your husband but he's busy with work and doesn't have time for you, you started feeling lonely and depressed. 

Psychiatry is definitely not my thing. I feel sad seeing these patients. They lost hope all they need is love. 

(More on) Psychiatry

Hai assalamualaikum.



So it's the end of first week of Psychiatry and ... I've changed my mind. No, no don't get me wrong, it is an interesting subject I can listen for Dr Anita's lecture for hours (yes, we had 4 hours lecture with her) but it's so hard. I mean, the hardest thing is to get the patient to admit that he or she actually depressed or addicted to alcohol.



So I met this one patient. According to Dr Anita she is depressed due to multiple medical condition. The first thing that I thought when I saw her is, no way this woman is depressed, she wore a pink saree! I don't know if it counts but well, I usually have a good instinct. So we started asking questions like why are you here, so you got fever how is the fever, okay you vomit how was it etc etc like we always do with the patients.



Coming to the psychiatric part, we started by asking how are you feeling today? How is your family, isit you husband working etc etc. I asked so you husband is always home la everyday? I meant to say does he go for outstation for days then come back (kononnya nak elicit is she depressed because her husband is busy or whatever).. Guess what she said? Eh I got only one husband, not two okay, of course he's always home. What T_T



So we asked about the children, the daughter in law, is she nice etc etc. Are you happy with your life etc etc she said yes, I'm happy when I'm watching tv (and started saying something about whatever series she watched) aaaa you're supposed to be depressed you shouldn't be happyy (I wanted to say that). So that's it. We failed to complete the history taking because she had no sign of depression at all (except for weight loss but that also may be a sign of an underlying medical illness) pft.



I know it's only one patient. But I prefer talking to some kids with fever and loose motion. It's a lot easier and fun. I miss Pediatrics posting. Thank God Psychiatry is only for one month. But I may change my mind again next week.



I change my mind for 2-3 times in one day, it always make me hesitate to answer "Eh tadi kau cakap lain?". My mind is constantly working so please don't mind me if I say one thing before and another thing the next day hihi.



It's a happy day, Alhamdulillah :)

Currently reading and yes, it's about a schizophrenic patient.
I'm a nerd haha I know.

Glad

Hai assalamualaikum.


I don't really like India haha especially Bangalore. Except for the malls and good food, I'd rather live in a calmer place like Manipal (eh no, I dislike the heat), Kerala (this is the calmest place I've been in India) or Goa (lol semata-mata sebab lobster kan) or any place la. Like Coorg. Bangalore is dirty and noisy pft that's why I like garden kot, because I can spend some time away from the busy cityy. Eh tak ada la city sangat sebenarnya, Malaysia is way modern than Bangalore (even Bangalore I tell you), just imagine how are the other places in India haha. Okay except for Delhi, that one is a big city.



But I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad about a lot of things today.



Today I met an old man with (probably) a cancer. He looks so old and no one was there when I saw him. I imagined he is a fierce father and he works hard for money. Now he's old and he got ascites (fluid accumulates in abdomen so the stomach is protruding outwards) (probably) due to the cancer. I'm sorry I cannot do anything. I'm sorry I don't know Kannada and cannot talk to him.



Today I saw an old man tengah-tengah jalan trying to fix his broken auto. I think everybody was mad at him because he's blocking the road. I dislike most of auto drivers here because they would do anything just to get more money. But this one, he's so old and it's really hot today. I'm sorry I cannot do anything to help him.



Today I kind of waiting for some beggars to come and ask for money.. I'm not saying I'm so nice or anything pft but usually in one day I would see one or two small girls begging for money or they would paksa us to buy some colourful stickers for 20 rupees. Kesiannya these girls because at their age I was busy getting fat and playing with my friends. And lately it's so hot in Bangalore.. I'm sorry I can only give 20 rupees.. I'm sorry you cannot eat as sedap as I am with only 20 rupees.



I should be very glad, no? I should. I have to.



And I'm glad I have a very good friend. I'm so glad to have you :)

:)

Hiatus

Oh hai assalamualaikum this is awkward haha because I haven't update anything in the past few weeks! I was busy with end of posting (Pediatrics) exam and I went for a weekend getaway in Coorg. 

Okay I lied. I wasn't really busy I just don't feel like writing anything here. I really like this blog but somehow I feel like.. it's not really me anymore. I want to write something beneficial to others, something that I'm proud of when He asks me one day what have I done for Islam at least I can answer yes I did write something..

Oh well.

I'm now in Psychiatry posting! I don't expect to see schizophrenia cases in Sindhi hospital anyway haha I may see depression cases, alcohol addiction cases, some random teenagers attempting suicide just because parents don't allow them to go out with friends, some sad wives with drunk husbands, OCD cases.. or something like that. Its only my first day today so I have nothing much to say.

Oh ya, you should see Dr Anita! She's a true psychiatrist I'm telling you, when I was listening to her this morning I can feel that her eyes are seeing right through me. I don't know if it is a coincidence but she did mention few things that make me go "she's definitely referring to me" haha okay ini delusions semuanya bahaha. I think I'll have fun with her ;)

I think I did something bad these past few days. Well I was offended with someone but I don't want her to know but I was really really offended so I decided I just wanna be cold and do whatever I want. I know its not good so today I really want to just forget and .. I can forget but I think I'm going my own way. I don't wanna please anyone anymore. I just wanna live and be good. Please Him and just be good. Eh sound so matured hihi. 

When my heart is full of bad thoughts (as in the reasons I was offended by that person) it makes me feel away from Him. So I guess its not a good thing so lets just forget and enjoy meeting depressed people in this posting xD

I had fun in Coorg though, rafting turns out to be fun haha. The water was cold and refreshing (before I saw some cows pee in the water). Coorg is known as "Scotland of India". But its still India haha. 

Bye assalamualaikum :)