Goodbye

I hate goodbyes. But I'm glad I handle goodbyes better now. No, I'm not going to list all the memories I had with you we both know what we've been through I just hope things would be just fine for you because I care about you. You've been a really good friend, I thank you. 

How unexpected life is?

"Kita semua ada cita-cita sama kita lalui jalan yang sama tapi Allah yang pegang masa depan kita sekejap je Allah boleh ubah jalan hidup kita sepenuhnya".

Tabahkan hati, take care.

:')

13

Today I spent 3 hours lebih kurang in the OT. We watched three upper GI endoscopy and one colonoscopy. Upper GI endoscopy is a barbaric procedure, I tell you. In India they don't give any anesthesia  for the patients so they simply push the camera (attached to a tube) inside the patient's mouth while holding the patient's hand to avoid any disturbance, up to second part of duodenum. Patient would be drooling and wanting to vomit. Just imagine T_T


The procedure selalunya lasts about 5-10 minutes but if the patient is not cooperative they will end it faster. Tapi kena la cooperative kan, no matter how teruk it is, better make it prefect for the first time so you don't have to repeat the same thing in future.


Afterward we watched appendectomy, Dr Prakash Babu is so kacak haha he did it in less than 20 minutes (by laparoscopy). It's the second appendectomy we see, and he keeps saying "Laparoscopy is the best method for appendectomy it won't leave much scar" to ME. Tsk. I said I had perforation during an open appendectomy last 3-4 years and my scar is ugly. K.


Then we had a patient with pilonidal sinus. Its a sinus (a blind tract) filled with pus at the natal cleft. Haha google it for better explanation. Hah teringat tadi I tried to explain to a patient what is goitre. Sangat awkward bila dia buat muka masa I cakap pasal hypo- and hyperthyroidism.


Anyway Dr Prakash did a wide excision in other word he removed all the infected flesh together with sinuses and pus and leave a huge hole in the butt. I had to ask "Sir are you going to leave it open like that?!" haha yes, it has to be left open to prevent any infection. Like Dr Prakash said "Infection is our biggest worry".


Later we watched hemithyroidectomy, which is the highlight of the day.


I continue writing this post two days later, and I forgot what I wanted to write. Er well.

*     *     *     *     *

I told a friend, I don't like Surgery as much as I like Medicine (I miss the rush of ward round in Medicine posting) but everyday I'm excited to go to hospital because I like the surgeons. Not because Dr Prakash is kacak je la, I like the other surgeons too, they all so charismatic and know Anatomy very wellll. I thought Anatomy is over once you finish the first year of MBBS haha. I shall marry a surgeon one day haha EH TETIBA.


Talking about marriage, a friend of mine got married yesterday. Every time I think of marriage I would think of my family. Let's say I get married at 22 (contoh), that means I just spend 22 years with my family?! Tolak all those years in boarding school, the foundation year, 2-3 years abroad.. Seems like we spend more time with our partner than our own parents. Tsk.


Eh, I'm not against early marriage, I'm just saying you know. But I'm all against getting married abroad without the presence of parents and families. Kalau dulu-dulu boleh la terima, balik Malaysia pun sekali dua je. But now, better go home and get married all you want haha. Marriage is not between two people its the whole family. Eh I'm not even married why I'm giving lecture about marriage haha kbye.


I'm at this age where everyone is talking about getting married, you know. It's hard. Haha.


Now this; "Dan orang-orang yang beriman serta mengerjakan kebajikan, Kami tidak akan membebani seseorang melainkan menurut kesanggupannya, Mereka itulah penghuni syurga; mereka kekal di dalamnya" (7:42). This is for you, if you find life is hard. I do. But I'll find ways to be happy everyday and be grateful for everthing I have been given so far. Alhamdulillah :')


Assalamualaikum.

11

Assalamualaikum.


I have cold and sore throat for the last few days. My voice is all croaky and I'm forbidden to eat a lot of things but as a typical doctor (to be) I don't listen to any of the doctor's advises, hence the worsened irritation at the back of my throat. Ehem. I forgot to take the antibiotics (amoxicillin and potassium clavulanate) 3-4 times, but I continue the regiment because those are expensive ones. Tak nak membazir. Hopefully there won't be any bacterial resistance in my guts..


I don't think I like Surgery much. It's so theoretical, I have to remember all those things I used to hafal in Anatomy segala arteries, nerves and whatnot. I miss playing doctors in Medicine posting, but OT is fun, no doubt about it. We got thyroidectomy this Thursday! Now I'm trying to mug up all the terms related to thyroid. Malasnya.. Lately I'm so malas but every time I'm so malas I would think of the faces of adik-adik who keep asking me how to belajar and all. Malu sikit bila bagi semangat kat orang lain tapi diri sendiri terkapai-kapai (over). Now I'm multitasking, I'm writing while my eyes are fixed to the anatomy of thyroid gland haha (tipu).


Dr Prakash Babu sangat kacak haha random. He's young and sweet, today he told us to study well and be the "front bench" students. He said he used to be the nakal students who did last minute study and hardly read books. I said "Eh, but you're a good surgeon now". He said "Oh thank you! I'm yet to be one, but thank you for the compliment". Haha it's totally different with Dr RKT in Medicine posting, he's very charismatic and he knows he knows everything and tell everyone that he knows everything HAHAA. But its acceptable la, because everyone knows he's good.


Since Sindhi Hospital is a small hospital, I get the chance to relax a bit in this posting. Except kalau ada OT we would stand hours and crack our heads trying to answer Dr PB's questions. See, I have to be rajin now. Why am I so malas?! Kadang-kadang I'm too malas to think I just google the answer but he knows! He would say "Where's your phone?" maka all I could do is sengih -.-'''


I miss my family, serius nak balik tapi Abah cakap "Kena fokus". K Abah. Lagi sentap bila kawan bagitahu "Faham tak perasaan seronok niiii?", k dah beli tiket. Kata nak jadi independent, masa ni la nak cuba. Gulp. Cuba.



Bye assalamualaikum. Semoga esok lebih baik daripada hari ni :)

27

My life revolves around friends, since I spent so many years away from family kekadang rasa I spent more time with friends instead of growing up with my family. I have to admit that I'm not a good friend, I find my faults in my friends and most of the time I wish they are more like me (haha).

Ala, biasa la kan tak puas hati perangai dia macam ni, perangai yang itu macam tu. Reminds me of, I kan share banyaaak benda dengan parents I, Umi especially. Kalau tak suka kawan ni perangai macam ni terus call Umi mengadu (sekarang dah matang, kekadang je mengadu macam ni haha) satu hari tu I skype dengan Abah, lupa pakai headphone. Masa tu ada beberapa orang kawan, sekali Abah tanya "Mana kawan awak yang pemalas tu?" haha kantoiiiii panggil kawan si pemalas terus buat muka kat Abah dan cepat-cepat berlari cari headphone. 

Rupa-rupanya selama 20 tahun berkawan ada dua benda yang tertinggal. Satu, ikhlas. Satu lagi, sabar. 

Ikhlas.

Purity of intention. Straightforwardness in thought. Pursuit of no worldly purpose in one's relationship Allah and loyalty in servant hood to Allah.

Ada seorang kawan I kan, dia baik sangat. Baik as in baik gila sesekali I fikir kenapa la kau baik sangat, menyusahkan diri ada la. Sampai la satu hari I terbaca (stalker) pesanan dia untuk diri sendiri "Mak cakap kalau nak orang baik dengan kita, kita kena jadi baik dengan orang", rasanya semua orang suka dia. Siapa tak suka orang baik? Come on. 

Boleh relate tak?

Ala. Fail la nak share. Maklum la, I pun baru tahu rahsia ukhuwah (persahabatan). Nak bagi contoh paling senang la.

Sekarang kan clinical years, satu hari spent kat hospital balik rumah penat gila. Laparnya, kan best kalau dah ada orang masak tinggal nak makan je. Tetiba ada housemate nak masakkan, walaupun kita tahu dia penat sama la balik sama-sama lambat sama-sama nak ada exam minggu depan (contoh). Esoknya balik rumah penat lagi balik rumah housemate yang sama dah siap masak, ajak makan sesama. Kenapa dia rajin sangat nak bagi kita makan bukan ke kita sama-sama penat?

Ini la ikhlas, buat sesuatu kebaikan tanpa fikir banyak (sempat ke nak masak tak habis lagi belajar macam mana niii contohnya), bila buat kebaikan tak harapkan balasan dan rasa senang dengan kebaikan itu :)

Tahu, cakap memang senang. Tapi kalau tak cuba tak tahu. Macam kalau tak kena maka tak cinta. Eh.

Assalamualaikum, doakan kita exam lusa! :)

Nah kucing pemalas.

Diwali

It's Diwaliiii what I like most about the Diwali is the fireworks! Semalam sanggup panjat rooftop duduk setengah jam tengok fireworks haha seronok, kalau tahun lepas batch kitorang gigih beli mercun bagai main ramai-ramai atas rooftop. Tapi tahun ni macam tak meriah sangat agaknya malam ni baru meriah malam ni tak dapat la nak lepak atas rooftop esok dah start sekolah wuu T_T


Eh lupa bagi salam, assalamualaikum :)


Masa sangat cepat berlalu, tiba-tiba tinggal lagi dua minggu nak habis posting Medicine, 1 minggu exam dan minggu seterusnya dah masuk posting Surgery. Medicine best, sebab belajar tak susah sangat semua dah pernah belajar sekarang lebih fokus on signs and symptoms dan yang paling penting how we enquire the patients about their symptoms (history taking). Phew, bukan senang nak diagnose penyakit rupanya. Tapi kalau based on your surrounding, contohnya sekarang musim denggi so bila ada patients admit complaining of demam, rashes, sakit belakang etc etc haa, denggi la tu.


Kalau kat Sindhi Hospital, benda yang paling common; complications of Diabetes Mellitus (kencing manis), chronic liver disease due to alcohol - sign palingg common is ascites (fluid accumulation in abdominal cavity), congestive cardiac failure, pneumonia  malaria, dengue, cholelithiasis (batu karang kot, eh entah tak sure) etc etc. Ada la sesekali case menarik contohnya "mak cik murmur" agaknya ada congenital valvular defect (malas nak refer case file hewhew) setiap kali I turun ward A mesti pergi auscultate sebab nak dengar murmur. Macam mana nak classify apa jenis murmur, kena auscultate sambil tangan stau lagi rasa dia punya carotid pulse kalau pulse/murmur serentak makanya it's a systolic murmur (Linda ajar) :)


Eh sebenarnya nak cerita benda lain.


Dua minggu lepas (kot) ada juniors baru datang Bangalore. Seronok berkenalan (akhirnya I'm a real senior sebab diorang 18-19 tahun juniors sebelum ni sama umur kot haha), bawak diorang shopping jalan-jalan makan-makan, funny I used to be those juniors and I was so scared and trying so hard to be nice to those seniors sekarang they barely recognize me T_T. Treat people the way you wanna be treated, makanya I decided to be nice to these adik-adik and hafal semua nama dengan harapan sampai bila-bila boleh ingat bila jumpa mana-mana boleh hai semua orang :)


Soalan paling famous dalam kalangan adik-adik;


"Akak, macam mana belajar?"


Selalu I akan jawab benda sama - belajar continuous, hari-hari kena baca buku, baca dua tiga kali. Semalam I jawab lain sikit; I told the truth. Ehem. Truth is, I have the shortest attention span, paling lama I boleh mengadap buku is half an hour. Lepas tu rasa hebatnya setengah jam dah belajar terus reward diri sendiri dengan bukak Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, makan, tengok tv eh sejam kemudian baru sambung baca. Apa ni T_T Sebab tu I belajar selalu, sikit-sikit tapi selalu. Sebab nak fokus 3-4 jam macam mustahil. Orang suka cakap I nerd sebab selalu baca buku, cuba diorang duduk dalam bilik I selama 1-2 jam haa nampak la macam mana I struggle nak fokus T_T


"Akak, kalau pergi program sana sini tak ganggu belajar ke?"


Masa I first year dulu I selalu skip program apa-apa sebab I nak belajar. Housemates I masa tu suka pergi surau, pergi program itu ini (as in usrah, rehlah, jaulah) tapi I ada la alasan sebab tak nak ikut I nak belajar (nerd). Alhamdulillah, first year dapat distinction. Bila second year I tetiba rasa seronok nak ikut program, risau jugak pasal eh tak habis baca lagi macam mana niii, tapi last-last sempat je baca. Kakak-kakak selalu cakap "semoga masa yang awak habiskan kat sini (contohnya daurah), Allah akan balas balik". Alhamdulillah second year dapat distinction :)


In the end it's not about how much the time you spend to read but the quality of reading - yang penting faham faham faham, there's no excuse to skip usrah sebab nak belajar hewhewhew (gelak sopan).


"Akak, bila nak kahwin?"


Haa yang ni I malas layan.


Eh dua minggu lagi exam la bye nak belajar. Assalamualaikum :)

Korban

Last year I wore kebaya and shawl. Glamour habis (konon).

Yesterday I wore jubah (from Sha) and a serabai tudung biasa. 

One can define "korban" in many ways.

This year's korban was not as meriah as last year's. 

Takbir tujuh kali, enam kali selawat. Takbir lima kali, empat kali selawat.

But it touched my heart and I feel blessed, 

in many many aspects of my life. 

Life, as it is.

:')

Sayang

Get back home to this fat cat. 

Never fails to make me warm inside :)

24

Nak itu, nak ini. Kalau ikutkan hati nak semua. Tapi kadang-kadang tak dapat. Bila tak dapat rasa sakit, bila dapat tak bersyukur. Tak tahu apa yang hati nak sebenarnya. Nak hidup je la. Nak hidup baik-baik. Jadi orang baik.

Reality hits hard.

Then I fall to the ground.

Ada satu doa yang I kirimkan ke Mekah "Semoga jadi kuat, tabah dan ikhlas". Sebab tiga benda ni yang paling susah nak rasa. Paling. Susah. Tak cukup dengan doa je. Nak jadi kuat, supaya bila jatuh boleh bangun dan jadi orang yang hebat balik.

"...dan dijadikanNya kamu kuat dengan pertolonganNya dan diberiNya kamu rezeki yang naik agar kamu bersyukur" (8:26)

Jadi kena kuat.

Kena kuat untuk kuatkan semangat orang lain juga. Diri sendiri jatuh nombor dua.

Ah I miss my parents. I miss my siblings. I just wish things are as simple as they were one year back. Too bad the time has passed. 

"Orang baru". Sebenarnya tak baru sangat, sebab dah selalu ada. Mungkin tak cukup baik untuk semua.  Akan terima hakikat dan cuba jadi lebih baik. Tapi berbaloi ke cuba jadi lebih baik untuk orang lain? Diri sendiri macam mana? Padahal niat untuk Allah, kenapa untuk orang lain?

Tak payah ikut perasaan sangat kot. 

Kata kuat.

K.

Assalamualaikum.

Baru

So the clinical years start. And it started with quite a downfall. Eh over. Bukan la downfall sangat tapi tetiba dapat hospital yang tak disangka-sangka makanya all my imaginations of what it should be like in the third year have shattered I kinda need some time to reconstruct everything. Jyeah I'm that dramatic haha.


So I'm posted to Sindhi Hospital, a small crowded private hospital somewhere in Bangalore. It is 40-45 minutes away from home and yes, if I miss the bus I have to pay at least Rs 130 to reach Sindhi. Small means it has two buildings - one academic building (classrooms and offices) and the hospital itself. The hospital has four floors and there are three wards; A, B and C. We are not allowed to do round in ward C because it's for the rich people. Faham-faham je la the caste system in India.


Since I've been posted not less than a week (btw I'm in medicine department!) so I need more time to adapt, tak nak buat conclusion cepat sangat mana la tahu things change and I'll like it eventually.

"...boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu padahal itu baik bagimu dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal itu tidak baik bagimu, Allah mengetahu sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" (2:216)

Semangat! :D

Diary

"I've done something bad, please don't be mad at me"
"What?"
"Last year I read you diary"
"Okaay, so what did you discover?"
"You lied, you said when you were at my age you don't have boyfriends"


*akward silence*


The thing is, I'm full of emotions and I need to write everything down. I have my first diary when I was 10-11, it's a purple book with a lock haha rasa cool gila ada diary siap ada kunci. When I was younger I habe many crushes haha. So basically the diary revolved around the boys I liked and some mean friends.


I don't think I need to explain to my sister she wouldn't understand. She's so different from me (or my other sister) she's so kasar her only friends are boys everytime raya I ask her the same question "mana kawan perempuan Ira?" haha know what I mean?


Bila besar sikit mana ada dah cerita crush (okay tipu, ada la sikit-sikit) but mostly it revolved around best friends and future. I have no intention to lie to my sister but I wish I can turn back time and create better memories I don't want her to feel the same way as I do. It's a sister thing la kononnya nak "protect" her from the cruel world (over) or craps like fighting over boys but I can't control what's best for her everyone has his or her own stories, I just can guide her and pray for the best.


But looking from different perspective (gila la hai guna perkataan canggih dalam blog), those bittersweet memories are experience and here I am now, I've been through a lot of things before I really understand what the real purpose of life. I mean, at least I've experienced the rebellious phase, the pretentious phase and growing up phase (eh sekarang matured phase ke hewhew) bila dah besar dah matang, I know la sikit-sikit how to handle some complicated situations :)


Tahu tak one basic rule of life? If you read someone's diary you don't tell. Been there, done that haha.


A friend tweeted; "May not to forget our real purpose of life, biiznillah" :)


Assalamualaikum.

5 days

I'm going back to India in 5 days...... *muka tabah* Over k nak sedih padahal dah nak masuk tahun tiga okay tetapkan niat sekarang nak balik India nak belajar rajin-rajin, kurangkan lagha (dah cukup lagha dua bulan cuti tsk tskk), kurangkan buli Toby EH RINDUNYA TOBY agaknya Toby dah lupa siapa I T_T

Sebenarnya sangat rindu dengan suasana usrah, usrah kitorang selalunya tiap-tiap petang jumaat Kak Farah saje je kan buat petang Jumaat dah tahu esoknya weekend mesti kitorang nak keluar shopping tengok wayang hewhew kalau kena turn masak memang balik kelas terus sibuk kat dapur. 

Bila duduk dalam suasana baik-baik classmates pun budak-budak baik pakai sopan-sopan kita jadi semangat nak buat benda baik. Cuba duduk rumah dua bulan ada tv boleh online 24 jam tak ada usrah semua makanya lalai la saya bila tinggal lagi lima hari nak balik sana baru teringat Kak Farah ada bagi homework T_T


A friend posted this on Facebook;

"....kalau ulama nampak anak2 muda yg menghabiskan masa ini, dia akan berkata 'kalaulah aku dapat beli masa mereka, akan aku beli utk aku terus beribadah'..." 

Haa buang masa lagi T_T Kalau bukak balik senarai apa nak buat masa cuti mesti 2-3 benda je boleh tick. Tak apa, kita simpan next cuti. Eh.

Attachment #2

Y U SO LAZY?! T_T

K. Let's be productive, keep calm and start blogging :3

Assalamualaikum. Attachment is over yay! Haha I had fun for the past two weeks but I have one more week left in Malaysia, I have to spend it wisely before the classes start and no time to be lazy like this anymore?! Tipu je, kalau tak ada exam salunya free je sempat keluar shopping hewhew. Eh. 

So on the second week I was assigned at ward 8EF under General Medical department. The atmosphere is different from what I've experienced in A&E department. 

The ward is not too big but there are at least 30 patients, so you can guess how uncomfortable I was standing for hours (during ward round) in lab coat -.-'' Tengahari la paling panas but it's breezy in the evening since the hospital is tepi pantai. 

There's no adrenaline rush in the ward, sebab mostly patients stay there like 3-4 days so basically I met same patients (with few new patients once in a while) for the whole week dah tahu yang ini itu sakit apa yang itu siapa yang jaga etc etc. In A&E department patients come and go paling lama stay situ 2-3 jam then transferred to any ward. Every time I heard the buzzing sound of the alarm indicating patients are coming I feel excited (jahatnya) terus buat-buat sibuk kononnya doktor. 

The HO, MO and the specialist especially are very warm in the ward (doctors in A&E department hardly look at me haha probably because they're too busy). Start ward round earlier than 8 am but I'm not sure the exact time sebab I selalunya lambat hehe. Usually there would be a specialist during the round, MO, HO and also pharmacist. According to them, pharmacists are very important in GM dept because a broad range of drugs are required. 

Tetiba rasa pharmacists cool gila. Eh. All they have to do is follow the doctors, kalau rajin tanya patients apa drugs diorang guna which reminds me, org Malaysia sangat la manja semua ubat ikut doktor bagi je cuba la tahu apa nama ubat senang sikit atau lagi senang angkut semua ubat setiap kali jumpa doktor lain. Kalau kat India patients selalunya tahu nama ubat sebab doktor akan prescribe and they have to go to pharmacy on their own and buy eventually they become responsible haa cuba salah bagitahu ubat satu hal pulak. Kat Malaysia patients just go and see doctor and ambil ubat kat kaunter. 

Anyway, sekarang kan zaman komputer every data must be keyed in so kalau nak jadi doktor kena type laju-laju dan telinga kena peka MO cakap apa kena laju-laju type jangan berangan. Kat ward kan bosan sikit so I tend to look outside and berangan haha tetiba specialist tanya, I was like ... what okay bye tak berangan lagi dah -.-''

So, patients are mostly the elderly woman (eh jap memang ward perempuan pun), maybe 50 and above. Ada la 3-4 orang yang muda-muda usually pregnant women. Ada la 1-2 budak belasan tahun, agaknya ward pediatrik dah penuh kot. Btw ada satu dengue cubicle kat sini, hari-hari ada patient baru. Usually doctors watch out for signs of shock. Bila denggi paling penting kena "masuk air" or normal saline. Common diseases among these elderly women are uncontrolled DM or hypertension. Bila ada kencing manis/darah tinggi bila dah berumur sikit start affect kidney, or nerves on the foot and 60-80% (dengar specialist cakap) akan affect blood vessels in the eyes. 

I pity this one woman maybe she's 48-49 she doesn't look like 50 yet, she has uncontrolled DM, nephrotic syndrome, pleural effusion and there may be something wrong with the heart too (due to hypertension). Alahaiii how can one survive with all those problems :S Semoga Allah kuatkan hati makcik. There's nothing else I can do besides a smile (or two) and doa.

Other common disease is asthma! Everywhere I go I saw people gasping for air. Oh, satu lagi kerja pharmacist is show these patients how to use the inhalers properly. Kenapa diorang sampai masuk ward is sebab tak pandai pakai inhaler, so salbutamol tak sampai lungs, cane nak bernafas betul-betul? Terpaksa masuk ward pakai nebulizer or oxygen.

And one last common disease is IHD. Malaysians love fatty food - orang tua-tua kalau tak makan burger macam kita-kita (eh) diorang suka makanan bersantan segala gulai haa that would lead to "tersumbat lemak" bak kata makcik-makcik. One makcik refuses angiogram (according to makcik "masuk belon dalam salur darah") so she would be warded at least three days every month for medication. Another makcik has succesfully underwent angiogram she said "dok sakit eh, semut gigit sakit agi" haha comelnya.


Ada this one makcik (see ramai gila makcik kat hospital) she had ITP (idiopathic thrombocytic purpura) since forever. There's petechiae on the legs, bruises on the arms and ulcers in oral mucosa. MO selalu tanya "pening tak makcik?", sebab risau ada bleeding dalam otak. Baru tahu :3


I can go on forever explaining every disease I've seen in the ward -.-'' 

So what did I learn for the past two weeks? Satu, wear proper clothes terus bawak sembahyang so you don't have to carry telekung or what not, leceh kot. Dua, balik India nak belajar rajin-rajin la seronok tengok doktor bekerja I can't wait for three more years to end haha. Tiga, please take care of your health. Masa tua dah penat kerja selama ni mesti la nak berehat jaga cucu je sedih la kalau kena masuk ward 3-4 hari T_T 

Baiklah, assalamualaikum :)

p/s : Ada satu benda sensitif tak tahu boleh cakap ke tak. Insyaallah bila dah jadi doktor pangkat besar sikit mungkin boleh do something about it.

Attachment #1

Started my attachment on Monday. I'll be posted in two departments - Accident & Emergency (A&E) and Medical. I'm all alone T_T Maybe because I started a bit late and I wanted to enjoy my holiday first hewhew.


So far what I did is berdiri the whole day watching the procedures done by doctors and nurses. I ask very few questions HAHA because KALAU DIORANG TANYA I BALIK CANEEE haha so most of the time I stand at one place and listen to the diagnoses or what medication should be given. Paling seronok bila HO kena explain apa diagnosis and the reasons behind it to the MO muka diorang cuak gila masa tu I boleh menyibuk kat tepi MO (haha boleh?) buat muka serius dengar explanation.


I kawan dengan kakak-kakak nurse pelatih, they are so sweet no wonder they wanted to become nurses at the first place. HO are so busy so I mingle with the nurses instead. Setakat ni tak berani lagi draw blood or anything I'm trying to learn the process by observing first. Scary :S


AT A&E department, there are 3 zones - red, yellow and green. Red for critical, yellow for semi-critical and green for biasa-biasa patients. Usually I stand back and forth in yellow or green zones because the patients are still awake and I can observe their symptoms and the diagnoses. Most patients in green zone are babies and children. Babies came with jaundice (VERY small babies) and children came with cuts and scratches from fall and a girl came in today with blisters and reddening of the whole right leg due to allergy.


Oh ada dua orang MO from Besut (kot) buat attchment kat sini, one of them sangat baik tak ingat nama apa tapi seems like she's the only one who notices my existence HAHA dia tetiba tanya soalan a lecturer would ask nasib baik I boleh jawab mesti muka cuak gila masa tu sebab tak expect kena tanya. I selalu rasa macam I'm invisible no one can see me tetiba ade HO terlanggar kaki. K -.-''


Hmm ade few interesting cases (yang mampu recall).


1) Seven year old boy with abnormal jerking movement, dia start jadi macam tu masa tadika tapi stop lepas tu jadi balik masa umur tujuh tahun. Setiap kali dia jadi macam tu hidung dia akan berdarah and the only way to stop it is by sleeping. Bangun tidur dia okay balik , tapi hari ni dia jadi macam tu dari awal pagi tak berhenti. Kesian gila sebab macam menggigil tapi sekejal-sekejap. HO bagi benzodiazepine. Diagnosis tak sempat dengar habis sebab ada kes lain masa tu -.-'' Sempat dengar MO cakap bukan chorea sebab kalau chorea lagi 'repetitive'.


2) Makcik 35+ tahun last period macam cair (dia cakap?!) bila scan ada ovarian cyst besar gila tapi HO cakap kalau tak rasa sakit atau discharge yang pelik-pelik boleh biar je cyst tu kat situ.


3) Kakak 20-an dah appendicectomy tapi ada pain kat right side of abdomen (terus ada MO tanya apa indications -.-'') bila scan ade edema kat mana tak sure sebab tak faham apa-apa bila tengok scan tapi dengar HO cakap. Diagnosis - adhesion colic following appendicectomy. Mula-mula syak renal colic tapi bila scan tak ada apa-apa pelik so exclude. Cuak sebab I kan dah 'buang' kalau jadi macam tu cane?! Baru teringat dua tahun lepas rupanya dah operate, over kan.


4) Budak kecik umur macam 4-5 tahun datang jumpa HO sebab 'ada kacang dalam hidung'?! Kelakar gila tapi kesian sebab HO korek dalam kot hidung sebab nak keluarkan, korek-korek ada dua bijik rupanya?! There's blood everywhere lepas tu baru teringat kat bahagian atas hidung kan very rich in blood supply so senang bleeding. Budak tu menjerit kuat gila sambil mencarut?! I terus keluar daripada cubicle sebab tak boleh tahan gelak haha eh tapi tak senonoh mencarut macam tu she must pick those kinda words from her brothers -.-''


5) Ada abang 20-an dia ade hallucinations and 'verbally abusive' (dengar HO cakap) dia amek monthly injection of apa tak sure tapi last month dia missed so dia dengar ada orang bisik-bisik kat telinga dengar orang cakap-cakap and nurse bagi injection kat gluteal lepas tu dia jerit marah-marah kakak nurse scary masa tu dah terfikir nak lari takut kena pukul -.-'' Lepas tu ada kakak daripada psychiatry department (kot) datang tanya soalan, dia sangat steady walaupun abang tu tengking.


6) Semalam ada mak cik tua dah 70-an dia datang sebab ada bloody discharge from nipple and 'fungating growth' (sekali tengok macam ada dua tiga nipples). Mak cik tu kan dia letak pad dekat breast mesti sebab bleeding tak berhenti :S HO dengan steady cakap "Mak cik kemungkinan ada cancer nanti kita buat biopsy untuk confirm". Mak cik kan tua, orang kampung, bila dengar CANCER mesti la cuak kan. Mata dia dah bergenang masa tu kesiannya tapi tak boleh nak buat apa..


7) Kakak 40-an ada unsteady gait. HO terus syak 'cerebellar stroke' sebab dia pernah kena 'young stroke' (dengar HO cakap) dan ada dizziness and diplopia. Tapi other cerebellar signs (ingat balik apa yang belajar masa practical Physio) are negative kecuali unstady gait. Pernah MRI tapi tak ada apa-apa, dah buat fundoscopy jugak tapi okay walaupun patient cakap mata sakit. Lama gila patient kat situ sebab HO tak bole figure out kenapa. Last sekali diagnosis something to do with telinga sebab dulu dia punya eardrum koyak and bernanah segala tapi dia tak buat follow up. HO suruh patient pergi ENT jumpa pakar dan check mata sekali lagi dan pakai specs sebab mungkin sebab tu jadi pening. Patient macam tak puas hati sebab EH ITU JE? Tapi sebab dah MRI and nothing's there so its nothing to with the brain after all.


K. Penat type. Baru dua hari dah macam-macam kes kan? Patut la HO nampak steady je walaupun datang kes pelik-pelik hari-hari dah diorang handle benda-benda macam tu. Walaupun sedih sikit tak mampu buat apa-apa haha tapi akan cuba belajar as much as I can and BE BOLD. Semoga hari esok lebih baik daripada hari ni, insyaallah :3


Assalamualaikum.


p/s : alamak nak update sal wedding tapi lupa?! -.-''

Free

One month left for holiday. I don't want it to end of course but deep in my heart I can't wait to be back in India again, faham tak perasaan tinggal anak selama dua bulan? *tukar DP gambar Toby*. But I won't say it out loud mesti Umi marah kalau tahu I nak balik cepat sebab Toby hewhew.

I've never been to Langkawi before, itu la masalahnya kalau benda dalam negara tak terfikir pun nak pergi sibuk fikir nak jelajah dunia (over). Jelajah dunia pun belum, India is so big you know, and by the time I leave India I don't think I want to come back haha so I have three more years to jelajah the whole India. I want to go to Goa, beach and lobster are some things I look forward to hewhew. 

Eh sambung cerita Langkawi. So I've been bugging Umi and Abah jom la pergi Langkawi but their raya holiday is too short tetiba dah kerja balik and there goes my dream tsk. Starting next week I'll be busy with attachment so maybe next holiday T_T

Last Saturday I went to a programme with I-medik I met a friend last jumpa like 3-4 years ago. It wasn't planned tetiba keluar kereta EH PEI LA haha and no awkwardness attack so far :3 Back in school we are the naughty ones sekarang pakai tudung labuh semua dah nak jadi dokter alahai how time flies :') 

Eh macam random gila post ni.

A friend is getting married this weekend! Agaknya dia cuak sebab sesekali keluar status cuak hewhew dengan I sekali cuak. Told Umi about her getting married Umi cakap "Umi dengan Abah tak setuju anak-anak kahwin awal, Angah kan baru 20 tahun?" EH KITA PULAK haha. I'm just 20, rasanya tak cukup matang untuk handle HUGE thing like marriage. 

Kat Facebook selalu terbaca status "bakal imam" la, share pasal "pesanan untuk pemilik rusuk kiri" la, rasanya tak perlu benda-benda macam tu.. Fine semua orang nak suami baik-baik isteri baik-baik tapi keep it private, doa diam-diam, mintak dengan Allah and at the same time cuba betulkan apa yang tak betul dengan diri sendiri dulu insyaallah Allah bagi yang terbaik.

Eh random gila tetiba cakap pasal kahwin pulak dah.

Going to hunt some blouses this evening! Bagi alasan kat Umi, "tak ada baju nak pergi tengok orang kahwin". Over haha.

Bye assalamualaikum.

p/s : Sebenanrnya nak update cerita raya dengan kawan-kawan tapi sampai sekarang tak ada orang upload gambar, k.

Nah Toby gedik.

Baca dengan rasa malu bye

So I tell Umi I can make cream puff (sebenarnya baru google resepi tapi nampak senang so confident boleh buat), Umi is doubtful at first but I'm good at convincing people, you know. I promised to make some puffs so she can bring those puffs for jamuan raya at school. But today I woke up late and I wasted time waiting for the recipe to load suddenly it's 9 am and I haven't start anything.


One thing about me is I love baking but I'm slow and sloppy and stressed in the kitchen. Now the kitchen is messy and my cream puff is not turning into something I imagine it would be.


Suddenly Umi comes home with two friends, wanting to taste my cream puff.


*you can imagine what happen next*


Turns out Umi told everyone in school I'm making cream puff.


Okay.


Bye.


*buang cream puff keras dan tak sedap dalam tong sampah*

Besarrr

"Tadi ada budak-budak lelaki lepak kat depan tu jangan pergi sana k macam pelik je diorang"

"Tak ada orang nak kacau perempuan pakai tudung besar, jangan risau"

*sengih*

Senyum

Ramadhan's over, semoga dapat sesuatu sepanjang sebulan ni. Tak nak la dapat lapar dan dahaga je T_T Dan yang paling penting the outcome - mampu ke istiqamah bila Ramadhan habis? *gulp*


Anyway, I spent almost two weeks puasa with Umi Abah, last year I only got two days haha. Well, now that the system in college has changed our holidays mostly follow the holidays in Malaysia. Tapi not sure fot next year sebab next three years are the clinical years and all depends on the hospital, I don't really mind tho. nak jugak rasa raya di perantauan hewhew (kalau Umi tahu mesti marah).


Our raya is usually dull haha seriously, malam raya tak rasa raya langsung kadang-kadang lepak depan tv tengok orang nyanyi sikit-sikit lepas tu masing-masing buat hal sendiri. Eh this time I change the tradition a bit, I paksa everyone make karipap for raya. I just learned how to make the inti, doh and even kelim the karipap in the second week of Ramadhan. Masa tu our usrah ada buat jualan karipap, we have to do like 250 karipaps in one day haha I was in charge for the inti and I'm so confident now to make my own karipap.


It was fun! Okay la I have to admit penat gila kan buat, Umi cakap next year baik beli je. But the process of making it is so much fun, I miss all of us being together. We are so busy with our own stuffs, kadang-kadang lupa nak hargai apa yang ada depan mata :')


We never have a theme for baju raya, we can wear anything that we like but this time I make sure the three of us wear matching Indian cotton (tho my sister is miles away) seronok! :D The whole point of raya (for me) is about celebrating the day with family hewhew, make sure esok tak boleh gaduh-gaduh. EH.


Hmm tapi rasa seronok nak raya tahun ni lain sikit daripada tahun-tahun sebelum ni. Mungkin dah besar dah matang sikit kot? Haha, happy raya peeps! Be happy, but not too happy, think of those people who can't be as happy as we are. Assalamualaikum :)

Nah! Karipap raya from me :D

Rumah

Tehehehehehe I'm home! Okay sebenarnya dah 2-3 hari kat rumah baru teringat nak update. Kitorang cuti dua bulan dan sesiapa rajin boleh buat attachment kat mana-mana hospital for two weeks. Tapi tak ramai yang nak buat sayang kot nak habiskan cuti (mungkin cuti panjang terakhir) tapi macam best? Ini la masalahnya kalau tunggu "siapa rajin", kalau universiti lain wajib kot buat. Hmm.


Rupa-rupanya bila balik rumah nafsu makan sangat dahsyat (random), kalau kat India masak sendiri-sendiri makan depan tv setengah jam siap terus nak pergi surau. Bila kat rumah makan tak habis-habis hewhew bila pergi masjid pun mengantuk ish, this is not good. Lepas ni kena berazam kurangkan nafsu makan lebihkan nafsu ibadat tinggal lagi sepuluh hari kottt T_T


Rasanya I jet lag sebab tu asyik tidur. Eh over kan walhal India balik Malaysia 4 jam je hewhew. Okay sambung tidur bye assalamualaikum.


Eh! Lupa bagitahu. Habis je exam hari tu I was called for a viva, I was the only one and I was judged by 6 lecturers. Creepy I tell you. Ada empat head of lecturers (HOD), the exam coordinator and a random guy from MSU Shah Alam. I didn't see that coming haha sebab ingat macam I have to go to different stations for different departments makanya tersangatlah cuak.


I can't remember the details of the questions but I remember Dr Ramesh asking me "Are you nervous, do you need any drug?", I said I am but I don't need any but I prefer diazepam (a sedative) haha boleh?


Briefly, Dr Rajesh (Forensic) asked about time since death, all those related to rigor mortis, algor mortis, livor mortis yada yadaaa (FM is the least favourite subject and I barely read so I was really cuak back then). Dr Rajgopal (Microbiology) was the nicest because he asked easy questions like "give me the examples of streptococci" tehehehe makanya boleh la jawab dengan muka bangga (eh), AIDS and opportunistic organisms, something about DM and paling benci "what's the principle of western blot" k mana I ingat. HOD Patho who has a very long name so I forgot asked about every little details what's written in Robbins. Serius. The first question was "what is inflammation?" *nangis*. But I managed to answer most of the question (minus the err and umph), nasib baik. Dr Ramesh (Pharmaco) asked simple questions too, but I can barely answer any questions about drugs for cancer serius tak tahuu tak pernah ambil tahu pun sebab nama drugs semua pelik-pelik ingatkan tak penting hewhew.


The lecturers were very nice because they really wanna help me tho I stutter a lot. They knew how cuak I was so they make it very relax and at one point I was enjoying the whole thing. Bless these people dear Turner of the hearts, they help me a lot, please help them too.


Well that's it. Alhamdulillah sebab mampu survive the tortuous half an hour or so haha :') Let's hope I can live up their expectation for the clinical years ahead. And let's hope I won't be a snob because I got an A minus.


Snob. Reminds me of snails.


Okay kali ni betul-betul bye assalamualaikum. Selamat mencari malam yang lebih baik daripada seribu bulan! :)

Sujud

Sujud itu menundukkan dahi, tetapi
Memuliakan muslim yang bertakbir kepada Allah dan bertasbih kepadaNya
Si jahil menyangkanya belenggu ke atas hamba
tetapi sujudlah yang memusnahkan segala belenggu
Di dalam kemuliaan sujud, semua akan tunduk kepada muslim yang sujud
Seluruh alam takut kepada kata-kata dan perbuatannya
Wajah dan seluruh anggotanya diletakkan di bumi
Tetapi dia telah menggoncangkan gunung-ganang
Meruntuhkan syirik, was-was di dalam diri si jahil
tetapi membangunkan segala generasi dalam ketenangan
kerana hati ada perjalanan yang menundukkan bumi
lantaran kehebatan dan kebesaranNya
Sujud kepada Allah dan mengesakanNya, lalu mantap dan kuat
Terhapuslah setiap penzalim yang sombong
Barangsiapa menghayati sujud ini,
dia menikmati kepimpinan dan ketuanan
di muka bumi, dengan keagungannya, rahmat dan keindahannya.


- Al-Muntalaq


p/s : Ada benda yang lebih besar daripada jadi hamba dunia :)

20

"Agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan tidak pula terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikan-Nya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak menyukai setiap orang yang sombong dan membanggakan diri" (57:23)

Got back my paper today, turned out my MCQ result is okay *grin*. Alhamdulillah. Ada lagi satu exam, berusaha!

p/s : Terawih tonight! Kena pergi awal untuk saf depan :)

19

Ramadhan is comingg and I'm excited! I'm not sure why I'm so excited haha. Professional exam on 23rd, which is 4 days away? Cuak tak payah cakap la kan, kata ada amanah :S


Exam kali ni pelik sikit, format berubah-ubah. Last time was a disaster, we only knew the MCQ format like one hour before exam started. Tetiba ada negative marking kan, so I left about 20+ questions simply because I don't want to take the risk. Rupa-rupanya ada 0.5 markah untuk 'attempt' untuk jawab semua soalan. Tak tahu nak rasa seronok atau 'eh peliknya macam tu pun ada?' haha okay let's make that as an advantage.

Before this OSPE (not sure what it stands for tapi basically it's soalan praktikal) is 40% of the total mark so basically if you want to pass just read record or log book thoroughly and score. Tapi tetiba OSPE jadi 20% and MCQ jadi 20%?! I don't mind about OSPE but now MCQ very tough I tell you, last time the questions are 300 we have to answer true/false, sounds easy but it's not. Dah la ada negative marking T_T


Bila baca buku jadi paranoid sikit, EH NI BOLE KELUAR MCQ TAK terus baca dua kali. Wuuuu.


Anyway, enough about exam. As long as you read well, doa well, tawakkaltualallah makanya insyaallah tak ada masalah (telling myself this hundreds of time) :)


Cakap pasal ramadhan, I don't know how to describe the feeling. Rasa macam first time sambut ramadhan. Walhal masuk kali ni dah 13 kali (kira daripada umur 7 tahun k) puasa, macam tak biasa?


Lain. Tahun ni perasaan nak masuk bulan rahmat Allah ni lain sangat, tapi tak tahu macam mana nak describe. Walaupun exam pada hari kedua puasa, insyaallah I'll be fine. Rasulullah asal perang je bulan puasa tak ada masalah pun. I baru 'berjihad atas kertas', apa la sangat nak dibandingkan dengan baginda dan para sahabat *insaf*.


Baiklah, doakan kami di perantauan ni *tetiba*. Assalamualaikum.

Bismillah :)
source : Facebook

Headache

4 days. My shoulder feels heavy. Ada amanah *cuak*. Bye assalamualaikum. 

#WS 6

Pernah dengar cerita sahabat nabi Ka'ab Ibnu Malik? Sedih T_T Eh the last time I updated WS was like two months ago, been very busy hewhew I'm sorry. Last usrah kitorang cerita pasal Ka'ab Ibnu Malik, macam tak familiar kot sbb it was my first time hearing his name too. But his story really touched my heart, kalau nak baca the original text silakan. Here I'm gonna be very brief :)




Ka'ab Ibnu Malik bukan calang-calang orang, dia selalu sertai Nabi berperang. Tapi masa perang Tabuk, Allah uji dia dgn nikmat perniagaan yang tetiba maju. Dia jadi ragu-ragu nak pergi ke tak, zaman dulu-dulu Allah wajibkan pemuda-pemuda Muslim sertai perang kecuali beberapa keadaan yang Allah izinkan. Dia bertangguh-tangguh, dia tunggu sampai unta-unta dah nak bergerak tapi dia masih ragu-ragu. Sampai la unta-unta bergerak nak pergi berjihad di jalan Allah, dia masih ragu-ragu dan malas nak kejar walhal kalau kejar insyaallah sempat.




Dia tahu apa yg dia buat tu tak betul, dia takut Nabi akan marah. Sepanjang perang Tabuk berlangsung, Ka'ab Ibnu Malik resah gelisah. Dia rasa macam keseorangan, pemuda-pemuda yang tinggal cuma orang-orang tua dan Muslim yang diragui keislamannya. Sedihnya kalau orag pandang kita sebagai "diragui keislamannya" :( Mungkin itu apa yang Ka'ab Ibnu Malik rasa.




Bila Nabi pulang daripada perang, orang-orang yang tak ikut serta perang seramai 80 orang datang jumpa baginda dan bagi alasan kenapa tak ikut, Nabi tahu je ada yang bagi alasan tak benar sebab nak selamatkan diri tapi baginda tetap mendoakan keampunan mereka dan serahkan segala-galanya kepada Allah sebab Allah tahu apa dalam hati mereka (dan kita). Bila sampai turn Ka'ab Ibnu Malik, dia decided tak nak tipu Nabi sebab dia tak sampai hati.




Nabi marah, tapi baginda cuma tersenyum. Tapi Nabi tak bagi keputusan segera sama ada Allah ampunkan Ka'ab Ibnu Malik atau tak tapi baginda cuma arahkan sahabat-sahabat tak cakap dengan Ka'ab Ibnu Malik sampai la Allah bagi keputusan (seronok kan zaman dulu-dulu masa Nabi ada lagi, apa-apa semua rujuk baginda).




Dipendekkan cerita, selama 40 hari Ka'ab (dan ada 2 lagi sahabat, Hilal dan Murarah) dipulaukan, tak ada orang bercakap dengan dia dan yang paling sedih salam untuk Nabi pun tak terjawab :( Tapi Ka'ab tabah, dia tahu dia salah dia rasa menyesal tapi dia tetap teruskan aktiviti seharian dia macam biasa - pergi surau pasar etc walaupun tak ada orang yg layan dia. Sampai la hari ke-50 Allah turunkan wahyu bahawa taubat dia diterima.




*refer the given link untuk tahu details*




‎"Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang kepada mereka dan terhadap tiga orang yg ditinggalkan hingga ketika bumi terasa sempit bg mereka padahal bumi itu luas dan jiwa mereka pun telah (pula terasa) sempit bg mereka serta mereka telah mengetahui bahawa tidak ada tempat lari dari (seksaan) Allah, melainkan kpd-Nya saja kemudian Allah menerima taubat mereka agar mereka tetap dalam taubatnya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Penerima taubat, Maha Penyayang" (9:118)






Gembiranya Ka'ab Ibnu Malik, Allah je yang tahu. Sampai dia nak sedekahkan semua pakaian dia :)




So how would you conclude this story? Agaknya apa jadi kalau perkara yang sama berlaku kepada kita, agaknya kita berputus asa tak dengan keampunan Allah? 




T_T




Allah cakap jangan sesekali berputus asa dengan keampunan Allah sebab Allah tahu apa dalam hati kita dan Allah maha pengampun. Allah cakap;




"...wahai hamba-hambaKu yang melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri! Janganlah kamu berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosa..." (39:53) 






Assalamualaikum :)

Blind

We went to do some charity work in Rakum School where half of the kids 

are visually impaired or disabled. 

More to come, insyaallah :)

This made me cry T_T

Assalamualaikum.

#3

Today was a bad tudung day. I woke up late but I managed to catch the bus but my tudung was very bad, I tried to fix it but, well, I was 5 minutes late for class and cikgu already started the lecture. 5 minit je kot, rileks la. Tetiba "Who's 3? Meet me when you're free", yeah that's me. I thought eh sebab lambat ke eh eh *cuak*.




Okaaaay rupa-rupanya he wanted to see me because he said "I want to boost up your morale" (dalam hati eh morale tu apa haha boleh?), it's something to do with last progress test's result. He said "I've been observing you from the first day of school..." really? "...what's your name again?" hahaha -.-'




He gave me few tips regarding the next exams and told me to study hard and do well in exam. Dia cakap for practical baca betul-betul semua dah ada tinggal nak baca je and read all the four subjects simultaneously and relate everything in one disease. I barely said anything throughout the meeting, dengar angguk senyum angguk lagi, since I was too busy trying to keep my feet on the ground, semua rezeki Allah I don't want to be too proud of myself.




Truth is, I didn't expect this much. I just want to study and take the exam, do well and score well. If it were a year back I would have been so proud of myself and tell everyone about how much I got, tenggelam dalam pujian and boast to Iz*** haha. Nah, I was childish. Now start studyinggg and do well. Allah, don't let the beauty of dunya blinds me. Nama pun "insan" takut la kalau lupa mana datang semua rezeki.




Let's rock the next semester exam, yeah. Bismillah ;)




Kbye assalamualaikum.




p/s : Lepas tu terus lupa tudung buruk haha.

Kerala

Okay I know I've promised you guys to cerita about my trip to Kerala okay okaaay. It was two weeks ago and now I don't know if I can remember anything about the trip haha. It was a sudden "eh jom pergi Kerala esok" seriously, I didn't plan to go anywhere out of Bangalore I just want to enjoy a week holiday at home belajar masak ke, kemas rumah ke, but everyone insisted me to go (hamboiii) so I decided to go. It's not like we have to book early flight ticket or plan everything a month earlier so I thought, why not?

We take a TT (not sure what it stands for but it's like a van) and the journey took about 15 hours. 15 hours, yes. India is so big! Padahal jiran sebelah je. Thank god for Promethazine! I slept all the way to Kerala. Eh lupa cakap, there were 9 of us Intan Raihan Raiyan Nisa me Dino Amin Jef and Jojo. TT is really big and cosy,  it can fit the 9 of us perfectly :)

We reached our resort *lupa nama* 3-4 pm since our resort is in a little island we couldn't go anywhere later that 5 pm so we spent the rest of the day watching sunset and ate dinner. Never in my life I spent time sitting and waiting for the sun to set. It was lovely, satu sebab tak ramai orang and dua sebab I just have to sit and stare and do nothing huehue so it was nice. Jef said jokingly "we come all the way to Kerala and paid 10k just to watch sunset?" :p

We slept early and woke up early because we have to catch the boat. I dislike breakfast in India, tak sedap *tetiba*. We went to a bird sanctuary where we had to walk 2 km just to see a bunch of birds. It was like jungle trekking and no one prepared for such a long walk! We complained all the way during the walk but someone was so excited to watch the birds. I didn't like birds much, so ... T_T Eh tapi we were "embraced" by the nature and were actually glad we came. Bangalore is a busy state we hardly have time to "keep calm and enjoy the nature" :) 

Later we went for houseboat trip! Ini la yang ditunggu-tunggu orang cakap kalau datang Kerala tak naik houseboat memang rugi. Wuu it was worth it. Er but I have motion sickness, I had to take Paracetamol and sleep for like half an hour. Thank god I was okay after sleeping. It was a long journey, we spent 4-5 hours on the boat. We sat around chatting laughing and enjoying every bit of the nature's beauty and we stopped at a fish market to buy fish and lobster (yeay) for lunch. Every houseboat is handled by two men; a driver and a cook. But Jojo Dino and Nisa took over the kitchen and cooked haha. Seronoknya bila reminisce balik the time we spent of the houseboat! :)

Though I really like the houseboat I don't want to sleep in that thing -.- Nasib baik we paid for 4-5 hours trip je, tak sanggup nak tidur satu malam dalam tu, pening gila k. We spent the night in Lake Palace resort. Sampai letak bag semua kitorang terus naik cruise for another sunset! But this time around it was cloude and we could barely see the sunset. Maghrib we went back to resort slept early and woke up early for tomorrow's trip.

Esoknya we were ready to go back to Bangalore but on our way back home we singgah to waterfall somewhere in Cochin. Another jungle trekking experience and we were not prepared haha. The whole trip to Kerala is mainly about enjoying the nature. And nature brings me closer to Allah :) Teringat surah ar-Rahman bila tengok ya Allah indahnya semua benda yang Kau cipta "Now which of the Lord's favor would you deny?". I cried during the sunset cruise because I felt so close to Him (yeah I'm that emotional haha). 

Oh yeah, i spent only Rs 13k for the whole trip. Lebih kurang RM 800-900 mungkin? It was all worth it. K nah tengok gambar (in random order) and relate to the story :)

K masa mula-mula sampai

The 2 km walk to watch birds

During houseboat trip, cantik gilaaaa :D

Monopoly time! K Raihan menang sebab I pening *alasan*

At the water fall. Tak sanggup join diorang mandi T_T

Model sunset sangat haha

Kbai, assalamualaikum :)

14

"I want to wear what those people wear"
"Really?"
"Yes"
"On one condition, you can't complain if you hear people talk about you"
"What if they talk?"
"If they talk today, ignore them. If they talk again tomorrow, ignore them. If they talk again the day after tomorrow, ignore them. Later they would stop talking about you"


Allah gives me you.


...and good people around me :)


Bismillah.

O-kay or kay-O?

I'm so emo. I woke up early today but at the thought of piling homework i convinced myself i have to sleep some more tho i usually don't sleep after Subuh. I finally woke up at 11 all groggy and lazy. Now at 2, I'm all miserable and down i might actually cry. I thought i'm okay, but I'm not. Let's hope tomorrow I'll be okay and shove all these miserable thoughts away. I'll be okay, insyaAllah.


Tak payah emo sangat la kot -.-'


I should do something to distract this horrible feeling. I should go watch a movie. K done texting Nisa asking her whether she wants to see a movie or not. Eh what about the piling homework? I still have Sunday.


Yeah, I'm that emo.


Don't ask me why, I won't tell. Hm despite the fact that i talk a lot and usually can't keep secrets (haha) I keep a lot of things to myself. I stop telling some things to my best friends. Maybe because they are busy, aren't they tired of listening to my whining all the time? K let's not bother them.


Maybe because i told some people about some things that bother me but they don't understand how miserable it is to ME. Alas, i'm all devastated because I thought they don't care. See, some things are better kept to yourself.


What about telling Mom? That has to wait.


Every time I am this emo, I can't help but convincing myself He's here for me, I don't have to tell He'll know. Boleh tak i just don't care about what people have to say about me and just please Him because He knows? He knows me better than anyone I know and He should understand better. And He listens.


Oh Allah I'm so miserable. I'm just 20 but I'm miserable. I dream too much. I'm afraid my dreams won't come true. Now i barely understand what I'm typing. I'm just too miserable.


I'm not okay. I'm going to curl in my blanket and wait for tomorrow to come.


Or not, maybe i should finish my homework and pretend everything is okay. Okay.


K.


Assalamualaikum.

Holiday's over

Sunset in Kerala :)

Cepat gila seminggu tetiba dah Jumaat esok lusa dah nak sekolah balik :S I'll blog about Kerala as soon as i get the pictures k? Haha alahaii jangan janji je kena updateee malas macam mana pun.


Alhamdulillah for everythang. I'm so blessed. Sangat-sangattt. Cuma kadang-kadang ada la harinya i tak puas hati nak itu nak ini huehuehue kena perbaiki diri. Insyaallah ;)

Short

1. Got exam on Thursday and Friday, doakan kitaaaa T_T


2. After exam we have a week holiday yay! Not going back home or anywhere but i'll be very busy i guess because i have so much plans for the whole week *excited* eh jangan fikir lagi, exam dulu T_T


3. Umi and Abah are not in Malaysia wuwuuu now i don't have anyone to call bila stress! Macam mana niiiii T_T I miss them already (walhal memang takkan jumpa kalau diorang kat Malaysia pun). Kfine akan tabah sebab dah matang.


4. I eat a lot today. I eat a lot when i'm stressed.


5. Remember that blogger Dena Bahrin yang kena proposed by a stranger (to her) remember the sweet video? And yeah, ther are married now and she's so beautiful. And she's 20! Hope all is welllll :)


6. Allah answered my prayer today. But i've to wait some more, patiently. Baiknya Allah i never thought it would be heard haha seriously, i pray and i pray for the best tak sangkaaaa haha eh apa aku cakap ni haha. Terima kasih :)


7. Kbai nak belajar. Bismillahirrahmanirrahimmmm.

Bad T_T

I received this picture during Pharmacology seminar earlier.

See what i was doing?

Yes, i play Temple Run while my friends were presenting.

Now i feel really bad. I would've hate it when people are not paying attention to MY lecture.

Mintak maaf. Lain kali main game mase rehat je.

Kbai.

Sesak

Another exam is approaching fast. Asyik exam je? *muka pasrah* Heh takpe akan redha je kalau tak ada exam buku tak bukak la kan nasib baik ada exam hewhew. Stress k bila belajar 1 topik mesti lecturers nak tanya the previous previous topics yang related to the topic. Mesti la lupa kan, nama pun manusia haha alasan. Hm nampak sangat bila exam baru nak baca betul-betul habis je exam terus lupa T_T




Baiklah. Kak Farah's in Malaysia. That means there's no usrah for two weeks. Boleh je sebenarnya nak cari sendiri reminders or hadith or apa-apa la yang selalu kitorang buat masa usrah search kat Youtube je kot tapi kan dah ckp, exam dah dekat bila exam dekat lagi stress lagi banyak tidur. Eh mcm pelik je. Haha see, alasan lagi. 




Lately asal weekend je duduk rumah sangat malas nak keluar sanggup kelaparan sebab malas nak turun beli makanan haha masak pun malas boleh bayang tak? :3 I want to be productive! ...without having to keluar rumah. Sekarang panas malas gila nak tukar baju semua tolong la cepat winter balik (kfine lagi 2 bulan lebih kurang) *pasrah*




Banyak kan merungut? Haip lupa bersyukur ke? Okay banyak benda kena bersyukur. Bersyukur sebab sekarang dah pandai mandikan Toby (dah dua kali mandikan sendiri hewhew), bersyukur sebab semalam buat red velvet cake with cream cheese topping nyamnyam dengan Hana and sedaaap, bersyukur sebab walaupun malas masak malas beli makanan tetap ada makanan kat dapur haha *random*, bersyukur sebab ... selebihnya rahsia dengan Allah ;)




Tahu tak i sign up nak jadi IMSA? Er not sure what it stands for haha Hafiz (class rep) tiba-tiba tanya kau nak jadi tak, remember i told i want to be productive? So i decided i would though there are many ... hmm macam ni, kalau jadi IMSA means kena kerja under kolej which means ... if you follow this blog from the start you'd know what i mean ;) It's okay, i work well under pressure. I may complain but i do what i have to do. Eh baru hantar borang candidate, entah jadi entah tak :p




Okay bye rasanya kena start belajar balik dah lama sangat rehat ni.




Assalamualaikum :)

26

"We're not what we used to be. We're best friends, remember?"

"But we still spend a lot of time together"

Macam mana ni? T_T

*haha*

back in the days where i don't care about anything at all.

silly me :)

400

Di hatiku ada dua cinta yang bergolak dan berbolak balik. Antara cinta Allah dan cinta dunia sedang berperang dengan begitu hebat dan dahsyat sekali.

Jika kau tanyakan aku, “Adakah Dia di hatimu?”

Aku hanya mampu menjawab, “Aku seorang insan yang sedang bermujahadah agar Dia ada di hatiku. Aku belum sampai ke tahap mencintaiNya, tetapi aku yakin aku telah memulakan langkah untuk mencintaiNya.”

:(