Dilemma

I want an easy life. Easy life as per imagination - I would be busy reading books, eat whatever I want, laugh or cry whenever I want to, able to say no to anyone if I don't want (to do) anything, make faces when I don't like anyone, tell straight to their faces if I hate them, ignore rubbish talks, further ignoring brags, hm what else?

In my imagination, I am a selfish human being. And I always hate a selfish friend. So I definitely don't want to be one. 

Maka, I have to do what I have to do. Manage my anger, suck up my annoyance, be nice to everyone even if I don't feel like it, don't make faces, be patient, be patient and be patient. For those who know me well they know how impatient I am (especially if I'm waiting). Phew, so much I have to give up in order to become a pleasant friend.

And I will... try my best. I'm a year older I have to be a year wiser.

I'm sorry if sometimes my imagination rules me.

Assalamualaikum.

Aidiladha

Assalamualaikum.



This is my fourth Aidiladha in Bangalore. This year Aidiladha was a bit hambar. agaknya sebab seniors dah nak balik (some already left) and there's no single activity done! Cuma sembahyang raya takbir sesikit ada jamuan makan nasi beriyani... and that's all. It's boring I tell you. Let's just hope next (and last, Insyaallah) Aidiladha would be better, as meriah as we once celebrated when I was in first or second year.



Nasib baik some people are so thoughtful they cook a lot and my tummy sure is happy. This year I didn't cook anything haha maybe next year Insyaallah. The best dish I had this Aidiladha is Hana's lodeh. I siap mintak tapau haha. But it would be better with tempe tsk faham la keadaan orang merantau. Ini dah cukup baik hihi. Mira made kuah kacang, which is spicy (for me) so I kinda miss the usual, sweet kuah kacang in Terengganu but changes are good haha.



Sembahyang raya is syahdu as always.. In those less than hour time it makes me think about a lot of things. They talk a lot about "korban". How much have I sacrificed throughout the year for Him? And yet, He still gives me most of the things that I've wanted.



It's been a year. See how much I have grown haha. I don't even cry when I hugged Kak Farah goodbye ;)

The first and last

Assalamualaikum.



I'm back in India. Datang dengan semangat dan cita-cita menggunung tehee ok sebenarnya nak belajar OBG tak nak dapat B- dah haha kena balik Malaysia dengan A kali ni. Setakat ni tak homesick lagi kot haha selalunya I start homesick bila I stress. Sebab Isnin ni baru start kelas so minggu depan la kot baru start homesick haha.



Hm tahun empat. Lagi dua tahun. Tapi rasa kosong serius kalau ada orang pengsan depan mata sekarang still tak tahu nak buat apa-apa (ok hari tu jumpa mak cik pengsan kat mall tapi tak tau nak buat apa terus jalan pelan-pelan buat-buat tak nampak tehee). Oh sekarang seniors tengah rancak jual barang-barang kat IMS yardsale sekejap je semua barang dah habis. I tak rasa nak beli apa-apa pun haha (ok kecuali vacuum dengan buku-buku best tak tahu la bila nak baca kan) tapi seronok tengok barang-barang mana la tahu ada yang murah/free boleh terus cop.



Apa ni random sangat haha.



Toby is fat and happy. Um. Ok ni serius tak ada apa nak cakap haha bye.

Keputusan

Assalamualaikum!

Since the first day of holiday I didn't think much of the last exam we had. I think I did mention about the papers which were susah wuwuu but I kinda forgot about it until todayyy out of nowhere Raihan posted on Facebook the results were released and yes, everyone has passed.

As I had mentioned before the whole batch is divided into three hospitals and Im posted in Sindhi Hospital. So the results are given according to the hospitals but we sat for the same papers.. I got 6 subjects - Medicine Surgery OBG (its called OnG in Malaysia I dont why its OBG in India) Pediatrics Psychiatry and Primary Care.

Did I mention OBG papers were the hardest? I cried a little (dalam hati) after the bell rang I knew I would fail. I dont know about others tho, but I know nothing about eclampsia (essay question was avout what is eclampsia and how to manage) btw eclampsia is like in simple words, seizure during pregnancy thats all I know to be honest haha its due to high blood pressure and something about constricted blood vessels and limited oxygen supply.. ok go google the rest of the story.

Anywayy I got a B- for OBG ok la haha Alhamdulillah I didnt fail but I kinda feel like I let Dr Prajna down. Not like she expects me to get an A or something.. tapi I dont know, I like her and I really like OBG I just feel like I should do better than a B-. Haha ok ok I should do better next time Ama said this is just numbers and figures (or something) it doesnt really matter what matters is how much do you know because sometimes we made mistakes during exam. Ok lah. Must do better next time (more like must read eclampsia next time lol).

Remember how much I complained about how I dislike Surgery because I have to remember a lot of structures and whatnot? I actually got an A for Surgery. Haha now I kinda like Surgery :p

Others are okay.. I didnt expect much so Im not that dissappointed or not too happy but Im excited to go back to India and start reading right away haha nerd ok.

Reminds me of an ayah ... jap nak check...

 Ok dah jumpa.

"Agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu, dan tidak pula terlalu gembira terhadap apa yang diberikanNya kepadamu. Dan Allah tidak menyukai setiap org yg sombong dan membanggakan diri..." (Al-Hadid ; 23)



Alhamdulillah but I know I must try harder next time because for me a good Muslim must not be satisfied with only "good" results but try to be the best in whatever we do (learned this from a friend).. Haha I know Im that nerd, and congratulations everyone Im proud of you guys :)

Baik baik

Assalamualaikum.

When I was in ... first year I guess eh terus direct to the point kan jarang tulis tak ada intro macam ni anyway I like cats I mean I live with cats for my entire life tiba-tiba datang India I barely saw a cat so I was all excited to babysit for cats while the seniors were away on their holidays.

I babysat for Auni and her kids I forgot the names but they are big cats now and one of them died few months back. I had to go to Kakak's house everyday to feed the cats and pack up their poops. I went to see the cats for like 1-2 times in one day because I missed them haha so I had to see them. Its not like I did it because I had to but I kinda liked the job.

I mean cats kan they are so messy their hairs are everywhere but they are so adorable you have to forgive them and love them anyway.

So when I first got Toby I was (still am) so happy its like having my first son but suddenly college gives us long holidays so I have to leave him for two months. If Im rich I wont mind sending him to board anywhere but I dont have the money to pay Rs 150 per day for two months so I have to find someone to take care of him.

Last year a Kakak agreed to take care of him. I was so relieved but biasa la I dont easily trust people haha so I had my doubts la. So after one month my neighbour took over the job due to few problems, and well it was a disaster haha but I wont complain because at least he fed Toby well.

So this year again I have the same problem I begged a kakak to help me out because suddenly its holiday for everyone except for the very batch who going to take their final exam in no time. But I had no choice! So the very very kind kakak agreed and I came home with a happy heart. But she decided she cant help me anymore okay I understand there is a huge exam coming. I feel bad too because I kinda forced her to jaga Toby kan... I still love her anyway because she helped me while Im in need walhal dia banyak lagiiii benda nak buat so okay la but now what am I supposed to do Im so far from India what can I do..

Idk how suddenly a junior willingly nak jaga Toby so can you imagine how Im feeling haha Im so relieved I nearly cried but I wont because Im at home I dont cry at home haha I dont even tell Mom I miss Toby so badly lol. Anyway so three more weeks I just hope everything will turn out okay after this we dont have anymore holidays paling lama dua minggu I kinda glad haha.

I thanked Nurlin so many times I just hope she wont get tired of me haha. She should see what I tweeted about her. Of how much I love her haha. Ok. Behave..

Anyway what Im trying to say is.. just do good because somehow He will repay your good deeds. Kalau bukan sekarang maybe one day in future. Percaya la Allah la sebaik-baik tuhan dalam dunia ni (not that there is any other god).. just be good do good and make people around you feel loved, He will love you in return. Do good but dont expect other people to repay your kindness because biasa la manusia kadang-kadang kita lupa siapa yang buat baik, so just do good for the sake of Him.

:)

Cutiiiii

Assalamualaikum yes Im still in Malaysia Ill be here for one more month seronoknya cuti tak payah fikir apa-apa bangun tidur kemas rumah makan baring-baring tetiba dah malam haha apa ni tak produktif langsung. Bukak laptop pun malas sanggup update blog guna phone je.


Hmm I decided Im not doing attachment this year because Im too lazy! Ya Allah apa ni why Im so lazy ok malas tu satu, and tak nak susahkan parents I hantar ambil I tsk yes I cant drive yet Umi said she'll allow me to drive after two years. Ill be 23 by then. Tuanya baru nak ambil lesen. K.



What else. Haha Im telling you my holiday is lazy and boring I dobt have anything to share. Or Im too lazy to think. Sebenarnya cuti lelama tak best jugak sebab I tend to be tak produktif. Which is not good. I hate wasting time like this tapi harus la guna masa sebaiknya sebelum masuk tahun empat. Tahun empattt. Tapi still rasa tak tahu apa-apa.


Serius.


I miss Ramadhan. You cant be lazy in Ramadhan. Seriously, all you wanna do in Ramadhan is do good read al-Quran non stop and read good books. Kenapa tak boleh jadi serajin tu dalam Syawal. Ya Allah puasa bulan Syawal paling susah. Sebab raya baru habis nafsu makan membuak-buak haha amboi so um. Umi ckp sebab tu puasa Syawal banyak pahala. Ok Umi. I cuba.


I dont have any plan for this holiday. Except for Eyzzah's weddibg of course. Abaikan banyak typo. Mesti banyak kan? Malas nak check.

Raya

I'm back in Malaysia (for two months) and I'm having the time of my life. No exams, no worries about what should I cook haha, celebrating raya and ... :)



Malas gila nak update. Tapi banyak nak share. Tapi malas. Tapi tapi tapiiii. Ok. A good friend of mine, dah selamat jadi isteri orang malam ni. Kenapa semua orang dah besar I wanna be a kid forever boleh haha ok dah. Sebenarnya tengah tunggu Sims siap install. Lama bukan main.



I always love raya. Although we only celebrate the first day of raya and spend the next days watching tv haha. But I like it anyway.



Semoga kita tak jadi hamba Ramadhan semata-mata. Bukan main malas nak mengaji sekarang ya. Masa puasa amboi boleh baca sampai dua juzuk sehari. Haip.



Bye. Kalau rajin kita update betul-betul. Ni pemalas sangat ni.

Escape

I like Ramapura. It's good to be away from the city sometimes.
And the weather now, masyaAllah! I'm so in love with monsoon season.
(minus the higher risk for gastroenteritis) 

Three more weeks to theory exam. Bismillah..

:)

End of Psychiatry postingg

Assalamualaikum.



Today is the last day of Psychiatry posting. We had EOP exam for two days and it was hmm okay I guess?



Since I came to clinical sites the last thing I care about is how much I got. I just want to please my lecturers and learn as many things as possible. Okay tipu la "the last thing". But because they don't reveal our marks so I don't think much about it. And as soon as we finish one posting we immediately go to the next posting and we'll be so busy and forget about the past exams. And mind you, we have so many exams! Everytime I call Mom and said "Please doa for me, tomorrow I got exam" Mom will go "Ok I'll doa eh exam lagi? Bukan dah exam hari tu?" huwhuw.



Anyhow, I'm happy I pleased Dr Anitha. I always like to see her smile, she has this genuine smile (but scary eyes haha) that you'll know you have pleased her. I think? Haha. And she's so good at acting! During OSCE she has to act as a patient and we have to take her history, as in, ask her why do you come here what is your problem how do are you feeling right now etc etc. Whenever I asked a question she answered so well I feel as if I was really a psychiatrist. But I don't think I want to be one, I prefer a real medicine, things that involve blood, liver, kidney, uterus, real blood, real pain, brain etc etc.



And I think I might be the kind of psychiatrist (if I were one) who got involved emotionally with the patients. Which is not good, susah ok, if you're the kind who pity everyone. Because mentally sick patients are a lot sadder than physically sick patients. People simply call them "gila" come on, it's not their fault okay. Let's all put the blame on dopamine. Bad dopamine haipp. (P/s : schizophrenia is caused by increased production of dopamine)



But again, I might change my mind. Even I, myself, cannot predict my own mind.



So after this I'll be going to Primary Care posting! What it is I don't know, so next week I'll update more about it. And by the end of next month we'll have theory papers and then balik Malaysia for raya yay haha. Now please remember to study ok, I have to read (and mug up) 4 subjects. Tsk. Hello again OBG.



I realized the main reason I keep on blogging even though most of my friends have stopped (but keep on reading mine oh hi Alya is that you reading mihmihmihihihi) because I have such a poor memory. I can recite all the names of antipsychotic drugs but I fail to recite for example, my housemates' phone numbers. Or anyone's birthdays, or anyone's full name haha. I can't even remember what are the small things I've experienced in the past. I love digging in into my OWN memory when I talk about the past with Mira hihi because she remembers e-very-thing.



Se when I blog I'll remember what have I done yesterday, or last week, or last year. But then again, I'm trying to write something beneficial to others too. Everyone's a dai'e, we bring Islam in our attitude towards others, how we talk, how we dress, how we interpret things.. Semua atas nama Islam. So yeah, I'm trying. Please bear with me :)



Weekend is here (again). I'm so glad. And it's raining! I feel even better :)



Assalamualaikum.

I'm trying :)
(source : tumblr)

Demi Masa

Assalamualaikum.



Semalam my IG was flooded with pictures of adik-adik first and second year in their last day of first and second year of MBBS. Cepatnyaaa masa berlalu I remember fetching those first year students at the airport eh tetiba dah habis tinggal nak final exam je lagi.




While I have 1 more week in Psychiatry followed by one month posting in Primary Care and theory exam and its the end of third year. I cant believe this is happening it makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.




What did I do for the past one year? I have two more years left. I dont want time to fly so fast but at the same time I keep thinking of my future and I miss my past. Im a confused human being Im telling you haha.



"Wahai manusia! Jika kamu meragukan (hari) kebangkitan, maka sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan kamu dari tanah, kemudian dari setetes mani, kemudian dari segumpal darah, kemudian dari segumpal daging yang sempurna kejadiannya dan yang tidak sempurna, agar Kami jelaskan kepada kamu; dan Kami tetapkan dalam rahim menurut kehendak Kami sampai waktu yang sudah ditentukan, kemudian Kami keluarkan kamu sebagai bayi, kemudian (dengan beransur-ansur), kamu sampai kepada usia dewasa dan di antara kamu ada yang diwafatkan dan (ada pula) di antara kamu yang dikembalikan sampai usia sangat tua (pikun), sehingga dia tidak mengetahui sesuatu yang telah diketahuinya..." (Al-Haj : 5)




This ayah, is like, concluding the whole life of a human being. It makes me shiver thinking that He holds our lives in one hand and when the time comes He takes them back and you've done. And one day He would ask, what have you done all this while? Have you done enough to make Me grant you the beautiful Jannah and live with the beautiful people inside it?



No :(



Time is moving so fast I have to run to keep up with it.

Sabtu dan Syukur

Assalamualaikum. (I usually say "hi" or "hello" instead of give salam haip habits are so hard to break) (eh).

I usually spend my Saturday morning jogging at JP Park with Nisa, or anyone la who wants to join me. Ok I know I got a treadmill at home I can basically jog anytime I want wearing anything I want EH BEHAVE. 

But I love getting out of my comfy comforter (yes, it is monsoon season now all you wanna do is sleep all day) and out of my comfy home (imagine cats purring) (yes, I babysit Sophie for few day) and out of Dwellington (amboi) and walk to JP Park. Have I told you I'm a hopeless romantic I can spend my whole day at a park and just sit or walk aimlessly? Yes. I'm that romantic haha.

I recently discovered that there is a slum area in the park. Not just one or two house (its not even a house its more like a tent) but maybe more than 20. I see a lot of kids coming to hospital due to various infection. The main reason; unhygienic. I've seen a kid, I still remember how she looks like, she got a swelling in her chest. We did some scanning and guess what it is? 

It is hydatic cyst (mohon klik untuk tengok gambar)! Ok bahasa mudahnye.. Hm ok it's a parasite usually found in dogs. It is passed from dogs to human through feco-oral route, as in budak main-main tanah tangan masuk mulut tak sedar eh ada tahi anjing or something like that.

Makanya bila tengok slum macam tu, terdetik la di hati.. What kind of water are you guys using is it clean is it boiled how do you guys sleep at night is there any rat? cockroach? ants? Do the kids go to school? Do they have toys? Aaaa kesian. Exactly behind the slum area there big houses with cars and (I imagine) good food. How unfair is that?

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang mana kamu dustakan? (Ar-Rahman : 13) 



Gulp.

I'm sorry Allah if today I complain I don't have a good life. My life has been very good. Very very very good. Alhamdulillah T_T Now I understand why You want me to be here for five years.

Schizophrenia

When I was (eh lupa nak ckp assalamualaikum) in second year I learned Pharmacology and one thing that I like most is learning about all those anti-psychotic drugs. Then I came to know Jenny, a child schizophrenic. I  think I just randomly googled "schizophrenic child" then I found her videos on YouTube. I used to share it on Facebook but I doubt it if anyone would watch (because the video is like 10 mins who want to watch something that long) (except me).

I met a schizophrenic patient yesterday. I didn't expect to see one in Sindhi Hospital but well, I did. She's 40 plus I think well I'm not sure, she's very big (Dr Anitha said it might be the side effects of anti-psychotic drugs). She came with her husband, her husband made most of the talking (he speaks Kannada I can guess few words but mostly Dr Anitha kindly translated to us) and sometimes she would interrupt but she speaks Tamil and few random words that even Dr Anitha didn't understand. 

She said her husband is not her husband, she accused him of being alcoholic and beats her (later he showed few scars on his chest he said she sometimes got violent and hit him) and she claimed that she's married to the gods. 

*shivers*

The problem started after they got their first child (I think 20 years back) and the baby died after 3 months and she started behaving like that. Her husband is so loyallll anyone sane would simply run away and find another woman but he is still here and he's so sabar! He said he would do the laundry and he sleeps on the floor because his wife doesn't want him sleeping with her. And he got bitten by rats T_T

Bila lelaki yang baik, setia macam ni terus hati rasa auw sedihnya tapi lagi selalu jumpa perempuan yang sanggup tunggu suami bertahun-tahun.

*     *     *     *     *

Most of the low class women in India don't work. All their time and whatever left for them are dedicated to their husbands and children. They do all the house chores and left with nothing to do at home when husbands go to work and children are in school. Now that's how they develop depression. Free time and loneliness are cruel I'm telling you.

Dr Anitha said "Happines comes from the inside and the real happiness doesn't depend on people around you", let's say your happiness depends on your husband but he's busy with work and doesn't have time for you, you started feeling lonely and depressed. 

Psychiatry is definitely not my thing. I feel sad seeing these patients. They lost hope all they need is love. 

(More on) Psychiatry

Hai assalamualaikum.



So it's the end of first week of Psychiatry and ... I've changed my mind. No, no don't get me wrong, it is an interesting subject I can listen for Dr Anita's lecture for hours (yes, we had 4 hours lecture with her) but it's so hard. I mean, the hardest thing is to get the patient to admit that he or she actually depressed or addicted to alcohol.



So I met this one patient. According to Dr Anita she is depressed due to multiple medical condition. The first thing that I thought when I saw her is, no way this woman is depressed, she wore a pink saree! I don't know if it counts but well, I usually have a good instinct. So we started asking questions like why are you here, so you got fever how is the fever, okay you vomit how was it etc etc like we always do with the patients.



Coming to the psychiatric part, we started by asking how are you feeling today? How is your family, isit you husband working etc etc. I asked so you husband is always home la everyday? I meant to say does he go for outstation for days then come back (kononnya nak elicit is she depressed because her husband is busy or whatever).. Guess what she said? Eh I got only one husband, not two okay, of course he's always home. What T_T



So we asked about the children, the daughter in law, is she nice etc etc. Are you happy with your life etc etc she said yes, I'm happy when I'm watching tv (and started saying something about whatever series she watched) aaaa you're supposed to be depressed you shouldn't be happyy (I wanted to say that). So that's it. We failed to complete the history taking because she had no sign of depression at all (except for weight loss but that also may be a sign of an underlying medical illness) pft.



I know it's only one patient. But I prefer talking to some kids with fever and loose motion. It's a lot easier and fun. I miss Pediatrics posting. Thank God Psychiatry is only for one month. But I may change my mind again next week.



I change my mind for 2-3 times in one day, it always make me hesitate to answer "Eh tadi kau cakap lain?". My mind is constantly working so please don't mind me if I say one thing before and another thing the next day hihi.



It's a happy day, Alhamdulillah :)

Currently reading and yes, it's about a schizophrenic patient.
I'm a nerd haha I know.

Glad

Hai assalamualaikum.


I don't really like India haha especially Bangalore. Except for the malls and good food, I'd rather live in a calmer place like Manipal (eh no, I dislike the heat), Kerala (this is the calmest place I've been in India) or Goa (lol semata-mata sebab lobster kan) or any place la. Like Coorg. Bangalore is dirty and noisy pft that's why I like garden kot, because I can spend some time away from the busy cityy. Eh tak ada la city sangat sebenarnya, Malaysia is way modern than Bangalore (even Bangalore I tell you), just imagine how are the other places in India haha. Okay except for Delhi, that one is a big city.



But I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad about a lot of things today.



Today I met an old man with (probably) a cancer. He looks so old and no one was there when I saw him. I imagined he is a fierce father and he works hard for money. Now he's old and he got ascites (fluid accumulates in abdomen so the stomach is protruding outwards) (probably) due to the cancer. I'm sorry I cannot do anything. I'm sorry I don't know Kannada and cannot talk to him.



Today I saw an old man tengah-tengah jalan trying to fix his broken auto. I think everybody was mad at him because he's blocking the road. I dislike most of auto drivers here because they would do anything just to get more money. But this one, he's so old and it's really hot today. I'm sorry I cannot do anything to help him.



Today I kind of waiting for some beggars to come and ask for money.. I'm not saying I'm so nice or anything pft but usually in one day I would see one or two small girls begging for money or they would paksa us to buy some colourful stickers for 20 rupees. Kesiannya these girls because at their age I was busy getting fat and playing with my friends. And lately it's so hot in Bangalore.. I'm sorry I can only give 20 rupees.. I'm sorry you cannot eat as sedap as I am with only 20 rupees.



I should be very glad, no? I should. I have to.



And I'm glad I have a very good friend. I'm so glad to have you :)

:)

Hiatus

Oh hai assalamualaikum this is awkward haha because I haven't update anything in the past few weeks! I was busy with end of posting (Pediatrics) exam and I went for a weekend getaway in Coorg. 

Okay I lied. I wasn't really busy I just don't feel like writing anything here. I really like this blog but somehow I feel like.. it's not really me anymore. I want to write something beneficial to others, something that I'm proud of when He asks me one day what have I done for Islam at least I can answer yes I did write something..

Oh well.

I'm now in Psychiatry posting! I don't expect to see schizophrenia cases in Sindhi hospital anyway haha I may see depression cases, alcohol addiction cases, some random teenagers attempting suicide just because parents don't allow them to go out with friends, some sad wives with drunk husbands, OCD cases.. or something like that. Its only my first day today so I have nothing much to say.

Oh ya, you should see Dr Anita! She's a true psychiatrist I'm telling you, when I was listening to her this morning I can feel that her eyes are seeing right through me. I don't know if it is a coincidence but she did mention few things that make me go "she's definitely referring to me" haha okay ini delusions semuanya bahaha. I think I'll have fun with her ;)

I think I did something bad these past few days. Well I was offended with someone but I don't want her to know but I was really really offended so I decided I just wanna be cold and do whatever I want. I know its not good so today I really want to just forget and .. I can forget but I think I'm going my own way. I don't wanna please anyone anymore. I just wanna live and be good. Please Him and just be good. Eh sound so matured hihi. 

When my heart is full of bad thoughts (as in the reasons I was offended by that person) it makes me feel away from Him. So I guess its not a good thing so lets just forget and enjoy meeting depressed people in this posting xD

I had fun in Coorg though, rafting turns out to be fun haha. The water was cold and refreshing (before I saw some cows pee in the water). Coorg is known as "Scotland of India". But its still India haha. 

Bye assalamualaikum :)

Babies

Thanks to Pediatrics posting now I'm so in love with babies haha

Another Saturday

Hai assalamualaikum!



Do I whine to much?
I dislike slow people. I dislike dirty dishes. I dislike blackouts. I dislike hot, sweaty afternoons. I dislike unproductive days. I dislike a lot of things, or it's just me being ungrateful?



Let's put aside all these negative thoughts and cheer up. Like going out for a good lunch later on, okay :)



Oh its the GE 13 tomorrow! I'm sorry I can't vote, I just turn 21 this January and I haven't daftar whatsoever anyway I have to go to Chennai to settle this voting thing so yeah, maybe I have to wait for the next election (which is 5 years from now?!). I want to choose to! I asked Abah whom he's voting for he said "Undi kan rahsia" what I'm you daughter I have the right to know haha.


Sometimes I wonder.. do people really want a change, or simply because they want free education or cheaper cars? Really... gambling for the nation's future for the sake of cheap cars.....



Pray for the best.

Listen

Bahasa ketiga

Assalamualaikum.


Tadi kelakar. Eh ingat nak tweet je tapi baru teringat kat Twitter ade 27 followers je haha nak share dengan ramai orang makanya gigih update memalam sambil dengar lagu hindustan :')



Tak lama dulu ada terbaca post siapa entah, pasal siapa entah haha kenapa ni benda paling susah dalam dunia adalah nak ingat nama orang tsk jangan ikut perangai ni, kena belajar hargai orang k lepas ni kena hafal nama semua orang T_T Nak dipendekkan cerita haha post tu pasal budak melayu tapi tahu mandarin. Hebat k, ingat senang nak belajar bahasa ketiga.



Haip I kat sini dah tiga tahun takkan tak nak belajar bahasa ketiga kot? Dah la arab setakat tahu beberapa perkataan malu sikit, nasib baik ada tafsir al-quran kalau tak haru baca je tak faham apa-apa T_T



Makanya since few days I start belajar Hindi haha kenapa Hindi kenapa bukan Kannada (dialek kat Bangalore)? Kannada susah k haha serius susah gila rasa tak worth nak belajar setakat nak guna lagi 2-3 tahun kat sini jadi better belajar Hindi at least Hindi ni kira worldwide sikit nak tengok cerita Hindustan tak ada subtitles pun boleh ok over haha.



Haa nak ceritanya, tadi kelakar, ada patient tak tahu English langsung cakap Kannada sepatah-sepatah tapi sebab kitorang dah lama jugak la mingle dengan patients macam ni kitorang macam dah boleh tangkap la apa yang dia cuba nak cakap. So masa patient cakap kitorang angguk angguk la ya faham, haha Dr Nadaf kelakar buat muka terkejut macam nak cakap "Eh macam mana korang fahaammm" haha lepas tu semua berlagak konon faham sebenarnya 1-2 perkataan je faham yang lain main agak je haha.



Ada patient sorang lagi, bila dia tanya tahu Hindi tak? Hindi mellum nehi? I dengan semangatnya "Tora tora mellum he" lolll baru belajar 1-2 sentences nak berlagak, sekali mak cik tu terus cakap Hindi alamak macam mana ni takkan nak mengaku sebenarnya tahu sikit je haha. Ok lain kali tak buat dah :')

So I decided

Assalamualaikum.

I've been in clinical posting for 6 months and two weeks now. I'm glad I finished my first two years! Bosan (sikit) k, everyday we have to go to class, sit and listen for 2-3 hours, 1 hour break, eat, pray, rehat-rehat then we go to lab for practical session. Practical as in see the slides, write down names of drugs, draw bacteria.. God, I'm so hebat I can go through all that in two years haha! Ok la, during the first year we got to mingle with cadavers, potong-potong, identify this and that ok laaa tak bosan, best actually. Tapi masa zaman berhingus asyik nak ponteng kelas dissection hehe. Masa second year at least we got to see few autopsies. It was interesting but it's far too scary, I prefer cadaver, really. Freshly-dead humans are.. not so.. inviting.. well. 

Anyway, I've been posted in PD Hinduja Sindhi Hospital, about 30-40 minutes from our place (depending on the traffic). It's a small private hospital. Small as in there's only one building, empat tingkat, 3 OTs, one small xray/ultrasound room, small consultation rooms.. Nasib baik we got our own classrooms with LCD screen (for lectures and seminars) haha, I guess to compensate our small hospital kot ;p

There are two more hospitals where our friends are posted which are way bigger and more patients and doctors. So it's not pelik la when some people come to me and said.. "Eh I've seen Sindhi hospital, so small! So kesian you guys, I guess you got few cases only no?" (haip English diaaaa dah tak ada rupa English dah haha Mira cakap my English has been so "Indianized" last time I asked her "kat mana tu?" I said "where house that?" T__T). 

Ok la, I have to admit at first I don't like the hospital. Kecik! Patients tak ramai! Doctors tak ramai! I've begged the dean to let me transfer to other hospital but she said stay, you have a lot to learn, you will learn no matter where are you posted. So I stay, walaupun hati tak redha. Tak cukup redha lagi ni. Ada salah sikit I complain haha. 

Tapi.. I started to like it here. Memang patients tak ramai, penyakit pun biasa-biasa je.. Sebab dah tahu patients tak ramai la jadi umm apa org cakap? Tak take things for granted? Contoh, semalam ada patient (budak) with cerebral palsy, she's eight year old but she hardly speaks more than two words in a sentence. Nanti google k apa itu CP. Anyway, confirm ini je kes cerebral palsy yang kitorang jumpa makaaa semua orang semangat ambil kes, examine patient betul-betul, ambil history patient betul-betul, insyaallah present kes kat doktor pun betul-betul ;)



Dah la I ni jenis yang tamak haloba haha pantang ada kes mesti nak pergi jumpa patients nak tengok what are the symptoms, sama ke dengan apa yang kita belajar dalam buku? Tapi kalau ramai patients maka perhatian kepada each patient akan kurang. So.. less things I can learn. Kan orang cakap orang tamak selalu rugi? Haa I la tu haha. I don't know about others la, but that's how I am (malu).

I guess He knows me very well so He puts me here, where I will try hard to learn thoroughly and appreciate every patient that I've met. Kan kan kan, semua benda yang Allah buat ada hikmahnya. 6 months ago punya la I fikir apa la hikmahnya Allah letak aku kat sini, sekarang insyaallah dah faham. I should be thanking Him kan? :)



Sebenarnya I nak cerita benda lain haha. I nak cerita.. I have decided what I want to do after I finish my internship ;) Sekian haha. Assalamualaikum!

Tetiba Toby haha bye

Kids

Hai assalamualaikum its Khamis and it's holiday in India yay. Padahal baru habis cuti seminggu baru start posting baru (Pediatrics) dah tak sabar tunggu weekend, haip. So what should i do today? I finished my laundry, I've done baking sponge cake for tiramisu... oh ya mandikan Toby. Ok itu malasnya ya Allah haha sebab Toby sangat berbuluuu setiap kali mandi mesti bulu melekat kat muka, tangan, baju, seluar.. Ok (redha).



Ok dah berjaya mandikan Toby, phew. Terima kasih Linda pinjamkan hair dryer. Toby over k, siap kena keringkan bulu. Tapi kalau tak keringkan satu hari baru kering. Terutama bahagian ekor. Sebab tu malas nak mandikan -.-'



Sebenarnya dalam hati tak nak bawak balik Toby bila dah habis lima tahun kat sini haha kalau boleh nak bagi orang je buat macam kucing sendiri sebab sangat leceh nak kena buat visa segala dah la Toby dah tua nanti kesian dia nak kena kuarantin kat airport lama-lama. Tapi Mira insists I bawak balik jugak sebab katanya "Toby tak boleh hidup tanpa I" haha.



Mungkin tak boleh dinafikan sebab Toby macam tak ada life. Kerja dia tunggu I balik sekolah, main-main dengan I bila malam tidur sesama. Bosannya jadi Toby haha. Baiklah, akan diusahakan untuk bawak balik Toby T_T Kalau mampu, nak kena "tanam" microchip dalam badan Toby sebagai ID, senang nak keluar masuk negara mana-mana sebab ada "kad pengenalan". Haih macam-macam kucing ni, over tau.



Lately I'm so malas to eat, unless people drag me to eat anywhere. If not, I just feel so lazy to go to the kitchen. It's a good thing, no? I'll be kurus in no time haha. But it's no so good when I wake up the next morning with tornado in my stomach. Some people said I'm kurus now hehe. I asked them "Is it as kurus as I was back in Mais time?" *silence* "Of course no". Oookaaayy haha I was so kurus back then! Now I look so thick pftt how to look good in wedding dress ni... (berangan) haha. Our seniors are so busy with gyms and everything because everyone wants to be kurus! I think they are getting married by next year or so, so that's why. Told you I'm in that phase where everyone talks about marriage all the time haha.



Oh ya, I'm in Pediatrics posting now and I got two new posting mates! After all these months I keep on seeing the same faces.. finally.... haha. It feels more fun with seven people in one class instead of only five people. So another four months before I finish my third year! Meh so fasttt. I feel like just yesterday I talked to my very first patient (I remember him! He got pneumonia or something) now my patients are all... kids. I don't know how to talk to small kids! Their mothers are scaryyy. I prefer bigger kids with grandmothers. Because mothers are very scary when their children are sick. Betulll.



I want to run on treadmill. But I have to switch off the fan, kesian Linda, it's so hot now.. Lets wait after Asar then.



Eh I talk so much today.



I haven't call home since Monday (I came back to India last Monday after a week holiday in Malaysia). Let's kumpul all the stories before I talk to mom again. Kesian her I talked so much when I was home I think she's getting bored haha. Kesian all the people around me too because I talk so much pretty much all the time hehe. But i think I'm pretty quiet at home because by the time I reach home I'll be too tired after so much talking for the whole day.. Hm maybe I should do less talking and more listening. I remeber that one hadith saying someting about "better be silent if you have nothing good to be talked about" ookkayyy I'll try :)



Sometimes I lost track of whatever azam I did earlier.

Made my day

❝When I pretend to be strong, no one sees my hidden tears except Allah. When I’m sad and need a shoulder to cry on, no one supports me but Allah. Pleasing a human is very difficult, pleasing Allah is the easiest. People sometimes punish me for mistakes I have not done, Allah ignores and excuses the ones that I did. This is Allah, The Greatest, The Most Almighty, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful, and all praise belongs to Him.❞— Dr Tariq Ramadan



Sabar sabar sabarrr. May Allah ease :')

Ahad

I wasn't so happy last week. And like other normal and ungrateful humans, I turn to Him. But I don't think anyone noticed that I was unhappy because in hospital, I'd be too busy to show my emotions. I like it when I'm in hospital, I don't want to go back to my house, back to my room where I'd be alone and sad haha. 

Most of the people in the hospital are sadder than me. There was one patient who already got aborted twice had to deliver her baby at 28th week. When people get recurrent abortions, the next pregnancy will be a precious one (according to the doctors) so whatever happens they will try to save the baby. Oh ya, I'm in OBG (in Malaysia it is OnG) posting now so most of my patients are pregnant ladies. Anyway, the normal period of pregnancy is between 37-42 weeks. By 28th, baby is barely viable (survive in the outside world) and hers was only 1kg! Haip Toby lagi berat berganda-ganda. So kesian because it's her first baby and the baby got transferred to a better hospital (for babies), she didn't even get the chance to feed it. See, I'm not as sad as compared to her. 

Another patient, an old lady who got pregnant for 12 times but only two of her children survive. She look so old but I don't think she's over 60 yet and she can't speak anything but Telegu. Telegu is very much a traditional language, usually only old and kampung people would use it. She got admitted because she has genital prolapse as in the whole uterus is coming out of her vagina. After three years she finally came to the hospital because now she's getting problem passing urine and all. She's been here for almost a week so every time I come to see her all I can say is "Amma! Good? (tunjuk ibu jari)" and pat her at the back. She's a lot sadder than me. How can I even say that I'm sad?

Let's just be happy and appreciate life. They say life is too short. It is! It's already March! That leaves me another 9 months then I'll be 22! I feel so old and wrinkly. And forgetful. I forget about a lot of things. I forgot how did I celebrate my birthday the last time? How can I forget? Meh.

Just be kind to everyone, but don't expect people to do the same in return. Humans are complicated like that. Just be kind for the sake of Allah because He loves all kind of kindness :)

Assalamualaikum.

Two am

I blame the society. They want us to do things according to what's right for them. For example, wedding. Why can't people just get married by akad nikah and do some walimah instead of all those duit hantaran, all those dulang berbalas dulang whatever. So troublesome and waste of money. Better save up for a proper house and proper meals or whatever, rather than a grand marriage just for the sake of "it look nice in the picture".


There.


It feels so good to put the blame on others.


Although deep down inside I know I'm the one to be blamed.

Senseless

Belum pernah aku berurusan dengan sesuatu yang lebih sulit daripada jiwaku sendiri, yang kadang-kadang membantu aku dan kadang-kadang menentangku  - Imam Al-Ghazali.



Hai jiwa, I'm too old for this. 

Dua minggu

Assalamualaikum.

Last weekend I went to a program but no, I won't update about it haha because it was a lazy weekend, I barely take any photos and well, I'm just lazy :p Anyway, while I was there (I don't even know the name of the place?!) I bought a book; "Jalan cinta para pejuang" by Salim A. Fillah. I just finished reading 1-2 chapters but I fall in love with the book already. Tho I barely understand Indonesian language but the way he describes about love, is really beautiful.

I'll try to finish it in two weeks time (ya, I got one more exam coming in two weeks) and if I'm rajin enough I'll share some things. 

Google image.

I had a rough week. Sigh. But some comforting words keep me going, Alhamdulillah. Here, hopefully everyone's reading this would be as strong as I am hihi ;)

Your life is nothing more than a love story. Between you and God. Nothing more. Every person, every experience, every gift, every loss, every pain is sent to your path for one reason and one reason only: to bring you back to Him - Yasmin Mogahed

Ok bye.

Jalan-jalan ke Goa

Assalamualaikum. I know it's been almost a month I've been to Goa haha but err I've been so busy with a lot of things ... (cari alasan).

So far I've been to Taj Mahal, Kerala, and places like Manipal and Mangalore for short trips. Usually I simply give my name and pay the whole thing without knowing where are we heading I just leave everything to whoever handling the whole trip yeah, I'm that pemalas but this time I decided to plan the whole trip (but of course I paksa Raihan to help). Ehem.

Instead of booking a whole package (hotels, transport and tour guide), we decided to make our own trip. There are 9 of us me Raihan Sabrina Mell Linda Shimah Syak Eyzzah and Hajar. We booked flight tickets and hotels for four nights but we don't know anyone in Goa and we don't even know where we were heading! Konon adventerous habis haha . Nasib baik Umi tak tahu hewhew she was reluctant at first to allow me to go (remember the gang rape case in Delhi?).



But I manage to paksa these people to go (Umi said at least there must be ten people in the group) and instead of TT we went there with flight. Everyone was like "Hey mahal la kenapa guna flight Goa dekat je kot" and a lot of other things but safety first la, money comes and goes, I have to make sure everyone is safe baru la boleh nak seronok-seronok. Oh god, I sound like Mom already. Anyway it's only Rs. 5500 per person, about RM300+ je.. 

Masalah tiket murah is, the flight would be very early in the morning (ours were at 5 am) and since it's India where anything can happen anywhere, we have to go to airport three hours earlier. So we hardly sleep while waiting for the night to pass. Alhamdulillah there was no delay whatsoever so one and half hour later we arrived at Goa.

Goa is divided into South and North Goa. We first headed to south and we made some arrangements with the hotel we booked earlier (Dudhsagar Resort & Spa) to come and fetch us at the airport. Transport in Goa is so expensive! For two vehicles we have to pay around Rs. 3-4k, kalau buat muka sedih "But we are students only" haa dapat murah sikit. The hotel was quite far la from the airport.. South Goa is more like kampung but I like it :D

Since it is very kampung there's nothing much we could do. For the whole day we were just eating (we brought rice cooker, grilled chicken, sardines etc etc), playing silly games and in the evening we did some rope things I don't know how to explain it but we have to walk from one tree to another on some ropes with that sliding thing (?) and it ends with flying fox. It took about almost an hour to finish the whole thing but it was fun! Except the part where everything seemed so high and I'm always afraid of height all I wanna do is finish it up but Eyzzah was so happy take my pictures and paksa me to smile -.-' 

The next day we went to Dudhsagar waterfall. They said it is the highest waterfall somewhere but we have to wait for monsoon season for it to become one. Ramai gilaaa women in bikinis haipp. I refused to join them to mandi yeah I know, everyone was telling me why I'm so boring let's have fun in the water whatever haha but I don't like basah-basah and how to change baju?! They were so excited sampai je terus masuk airrr (geleng kepala) those kids pfttt haha. 

Afterwards we went for elephant ride! But I pitied the elephant, it was hot and she was crying. The owner said it's normal because it's hot. But she looked so sad so I just sat there trying to pat her (but I was too scared). I don't understand why people want to ride on elephants or camels eh, but I must admit they look nice in the pictures -.-' At night we barbecued yayy. We didn't actually do anything we just sat there waiting to be served haha I know, so manja. And everyone was so exhausted to do anything afterwards we ended up sleeping early and waking up late the next day.

At 10 am the next morning we checked out and headed to North Goa. Again, I had to pay Rs. 3k for the transport?! Nasib baik la those drivers are so baik. The next hotel (Swimsea Resort) was smaller (and cheaper) compared to previous one, but it's very near to beach so after we finished unpacking and ate lunch we went straight to the beach. We spent the whole evening at the beach, though it's not a beach for tourist (no water sports etc) we had fun watching the sunset and some people went into the water (not me haha) and afterwards they continued in the swimming pool -.-'



The next day we went to the best beach in North Goa (according to pak cik receptionist), Calungute Beach which is 20 km away. We were so kedekut haha we decided to take the public transport to go there. Told you this is an adventerous trip lolll. It was quite easy because everyone was ready to help us. Just imagine we looked like small kids we walked in a group and we kept asking everyone "Where is the beach?" haha! Turned out we had to cross a river, we rode a large ferry and it's free for everyone (except for cars)! So convenient. The journey took almost an hour but it was worth it la :D



Haa, ini baru pantai sebenarrr. Everyone was so eager to try every water sports. Not me la haha I don't like getting all wet all I wanna do is sit under the umbrella and eat lobster. But everyone was like dude this is Goa so I went parasailing and ... that's all (I screamed the whole time I was "flying"). So while everyone was busy playing in the water, I sat under the umbrella and ate losbter. Nyum! It was Rs. 1300 but I shared it with Eyzzah and Hajar because I wanted to try prawn (Rs. 600) too. Then everyone came and joined us. The owner was so kind he gave me free drinks and fries haha seronok pergi mana-mana selalu jumpa orang baik :) The last bus was at 6 pm so we rushed back (did some shopping at Candolim Beach which is 10 minutes away) to the hotel.



Esoknya we came back to Bangalore, and I had food poisoning for three days -.-'

Arrived at South Goa

Buat group (konon)

Naik jeep masuk hutan

Orang-orang tak mandi haha

Picnic!

Laskhmi the elephant

At Miramar Beach

Swimsea Resort

While waiting for the bus (mak cik kat sebelah pandang pelik haha)

Macam budak sekolah tak?!

Calungute Beach

Nikmat dunia :')

I paid Rs. 5500 for the flight ticket and for hotels, transport and others (makan-makan, entrance etc) I paid only Rs. 7000 (RM 400+). And still got baki. Okay la, if you take package you only have to pay Rs. 7000+ including TT but you have to follow the schedule and those people sure will take you to some expensive shops which will pay them money every time they bring in customers -.-'



Seronoknya bila nak cuti lagiii haha. But remember to jaga adab even when you're away from everyone you know. We tend to lupa jaga diri bila dengan locals, "Alaa tempe je pun". Islam bukan sembahyang dan puasa je, it applies in all aspects of your life ; pakaian, cara bercakap, adab dengan orang bukan Islam etc. Contoh masa dekat Calungute Beach semua pakai bikini, bukan main lelaki-lelaki cuci mata amboiii tapi bila diorang terpandang kitorang they were like "What are those people wearingg" haha. Paling pentingg, jaga kehormatan diri :)



Okay bye assalamualaikum, back to realityy T_T



The quest for Love changes us, there is no seeker among those who search for Love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start to change within and without - Elif Shafak.

Malas

Oh god, my Goa story has been drafted for almost a week. Why am I so lazy? T_T


I'll continue writing tomorrow. Or day after tomorrow. Or day after that. Ehem. I'll share something here in order to compensate my laziness hehe.


Recently I read a book "Malam Pertama di Alam Syurga" (I know right, everyone loves the idea of heaven and everything nice in it). There is one beautiful hadith I want to share with everyone.


Pernah pada suatu hari para sahabat bertanya kepada Rasulullah : "Untuk siapakah Allah menyediakan kamar-kamar seperti itu ya Rasulullah?" (In heaven, Allah provides special rooms, houses and castles for those who are special in His eyes).


Rasulullah menjawab : "Bagi mereka yang menyebarkan salam, menyumbangkan makanan, yang berpuasa dan berjaga malam mengerjakan sembahyang sedangkan orang lain tidur nyenyak."


Lalu para sahabat bertanya lagi : "Siapakah yang tahan dan sanggup berbuat demikian ya Rasulullah?"


Jawab baginda lagi : "Umatku! Dengarlah, siapa yang bertemu sesama Muslim lalu dia memberi salam itu bermakna telaha menyebarkan salam. Barang siapa memberi makan anak-anak dan isterinya sampai kenyang bererti dia telah menyumbangkan makanan. Sesiapa yang berpuasa pada bulan Ramadhan dan ditambah dengan tiga hari pada setiap bulan itu bererti dia terus-menerus berpuasa. Dan siapa yang menunaikan sembahyang Isyak terakhir dengan jemaah bererti dia telah bersembahyang malam sedang manusia tidur." (Riwayat Abu Naim dari Jabir)


:')


Honestly, it's so easy to attain Jannah, subhanallah! The hardest part is to ... do good even when you're so lazy. Right? You know solat jemaah is a good thing, yet you rather spend your night in front of laptop or tv. Why? Because we are lazy like that. Kononnya I'm so tired after the whole day in the hospital. Tsk. That's so me (bisik).


So, try. Hard. Because we're not trying hard enough.


Assalamualaikum.

Habit

1) I love books, I do. I buy a lot of books but everyday I'm so busy I barely have time to read. Contoh, I bought "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee one year ago I read half of the book and I was so busy.. with things.. I have to reread because I forgot what's it all about. Now after a year, I only read 3/4 of the book. It is interesting! But I don't have time. Eh but last week I bought a book at the airport ("Forty Rules of Love" by Elif Shafak) I manage to read the whole book after 5-6 days haha maybe because it's something I can relate to. Eh eh. I don't know. It's my problem I think I can multitask in the end I forgot what I should do first -.-'



2) Now I'm in serious need of losing weight HAHAA you probably hearing this too many times before but now I'm really serious but today we have few guests from Mangalore we decided to cook and I.. have to eat.. because we cook a lot and there are only 10-11 of us haha so for the sake of jangan jadi kawan syaiiiton I have to eat. I'm sorry I ruin my mission T_T



3) I just got back from Goa but I need proper time and proper pictures then I will update (alasan).



4) Cats are so adorable I don't know why some people are afraid of cats. Contoh, Toby. He's always there. He's so lazy all he wanna do is sleep and scratch my legs. He's ugly and stink. He pees everywhere. He's so lazy to eat I have to feed him. But at the thought of losing him.. I just can't imagine. Now, that is love :)



5) Mom said I should come back to Malaysia on April. But I want to go travelling and discover Indiaaa (amboi). But I want to see my parents I want to meet my sister I want to eat proper nasi kerabu daging bakarr haha and I want to feel like a child again. I thought I'm ready to be 21 but at every thought of "tanggungjawab" I cringe. I can't do "tanggungjawab" I'm so young. But.. I'm 21. I just need some time to think it over. After all I'm 21 now.



6) So the first rule of friendship is "berlapang dada". Haip susah. But once you understand what "berlapang dada" is, you'll love everyone :)



7) I replay "Arjuna Beta" by Fynn Jamal hundreds of time. It makes me miss my parents so much. It reminds me of the chapter "cinta tanpa syarat" in "Aku Terima Nikahnya". Allah sifatnya Al-Wahhab. Ada lima sifat dalam Al-Wahhab - memberi tanpa meminta apa-apa balasan, memberi secara berulang-ulang, memberi tanpa diminta, memberi sesuatu yang amat berharga dan memberi sesuatu yang baik untuk menghasilkan kebaikan. The best thing is, Allah gives traces of Al-Wahhab to every parents in the world :') Listen to the song, I think that's what every parents think but only some parents know how to put it into a song haha *replay*.



8) I tried to explain but everything come out so wrong. It's not what I meant to say. But.. I'm sorry. At one point I know the only thing I can do now is pray for you to understand.



Assalamualaikum :)

Thought

These past few weeks have been kind of exhausting. I lost my appetite for 3-4 days then I wanted to eat expensive food then I just wanted to eat everything in sight. I don't know maybe because of exam's coming or maybe because of some other reasons. Tapiii haru la macam ni I lost my focus I forgot what are the signs and symptoms of malaria how to sit for exam like this T_T

Next week we're having our EOP (CP and OSCE) and also the theory papers for both Medicine and Surgery subjects. Makanya I have to revise everything I've learned in the past four months (ya Allah dah empat bulan cepatnya masa berlalu alahai what did I learned all this while haha) I have one week left but I feel like I don't know anything T_T 

Okay over sangat tu.. But I have the habit of reading EVERYTHING twice or thrice I'm perfectionist like that haha so now when time is limited I don't even finish reading the whole thing once. Tsk. Baiklah. Malam ni harus habiskan baca Respiratory System. Masuk posting surgery lagi focus on abdominal structures, kalau dulu hari-hari harus bawak stet kalau tak bawak rasa loser terus tak ada mood nak belajar sekarang seminggu sekali je bawak sebab auscultate bowel sound sangat tak menarik haha, macam dengar perut bila lapar haa itu la bowel sound. 

Sebenarnya.. sayang nak tinggal Surgeryy T_T Haa kemain dia cakap tak suka surgery la apa la bila dah masuk minggu akhir baru la. Huu akan rindu Dr Bargavaram yang suka pandang mata lelama rasa macam dia ajar I sorang je hahaa. Eh serius, kadang-kadang tak sempat nak salin apa-apa sebab kena fokus dengar satu-satu apa dia nak cakap. Okay la he's good, pretty much like Dr Rao, kalau dengarrr je apa dia cakap insyaallah melekat tak payah baca balik pun tak apa. 

Allah haiii bosannya blog ilmiah kemain haha. 

Hm hmmm my 19 year old friend is getting married! Ahh baru 19! Bila tanya dia si lelaki umur berapa? Ah 19 jugak?! Haha when I was 19 all I can think is what baju to wear to class and what to eat for lunch. I said to her are you ready for the responsibility? Ingat, this is no for fun je. I can give her basic advises like that because she's younger than me. Because I keep hearing those advises haha she said she thinks she's ready okay la, semoga Allah permudahkan :) 

EH DOAKAN KITA EXAM!

Pwetty friends :)
(baru dapat gambar lepas 4-5 bulan haha)

Semoga esok lebih baik daripada hari ini, assalamualaikum.