24

i want these people to be my neighbours in Jannah ya Allah :')

dress for who?

i'm really bad when it comes to fashion. i've spent two years wearing the exact tudung hitam every night to prep. sometimes i would wear white but black is my favourite. black matches with every baju kottt. but when i left school, people start to ask a lot of questions.

eh, you're wearing red baju kurung why you wear it with black scarf?

eh, why you always wear this black tudung?

eh, i give you so many tudungs why you still wear this one?! *this is Umi*

despite all those comments i still wear black (i'm that degil hewhew). well, sometimes i wear green or blue (very rare) or cream *all from Umi's collection*. i don't even have tudung bunga-bunga WHY SHOULD ONE HAVE TUDUNG BUNGA-BUNGA IF ALL THE BAJU ARE ALREADY BUNGA-BUNGA?! tak faham -.-'

when i came to India, i have more favourite colours besides black. Umi gave me a lot of tudung before i left Malaysia heh she wants to make sure i stop wearing black and become more cheerful haha. now people stop asking me awkward questions and i was happy with my life.

until the last few months i started to think about a lot of things. all my tudungs are of 'bawal' type ; very see-through and small (hence the boobs flashing). i started to become very uncomfortable wearing these tudungs so i decided to wear shawls instead. no, not the see-through one but the thick and heavy one. i don't look good in shawls and i'm always messy -.-' but i wear them anyway for the sake of covering up my neck and chest *still struggling*

the problem is, shawls are very cheaaap and India has so many interesting patterns i have to have them all! so i have a lot of shawl bunga-bunga (and a lot of bright coloured shawls) this time and i'm still clueless when it comes to mix and match hence the awkward questions......

eh, why you wear green with brown?

eh, you can't wear baju bunga-bunga with tudung bunga-bunga!

eh, meriahnya you hari ni...

-.-'

i thought the 'covering up' is the aim, not the fashion itself. and 'covering up' is not JUST pakai tudung. what's the use of tudung if people can still see the things that shouldn't be seen by the non-muhrims? *slapping my own face NOW ONLY YOU REALIZE?!* wear a proper tudung that can cover your hair (well that's the aim of tudung anyway), your neck, ears and chest. a proper tudung must me matched with a proper baju right? proper as in, it is loose, long (tutup bon*** maluuu) and match it with loose pants or skirts. heh, senang cerita pakai je baju kurung. bila pakaian atas dah cukup decent, what about covering up your kaki too? wear cute socks! :D

easy to say, i know. but TRY, for the sake of Allah. everyday i have to struggle to maintain to dress for Allah, the last thing that i care is does my shawl match with my baju kurung? as long as i dress decent enough, don't ask me awkward questions.

but please, you can say whatever you want if i dress not decent enough for Allah to see. i need the reminder :(

it hurts, you know.

p/s : jaga pakaian, and jaga a lot of other things too. now i understand why people said "jihad melawan nafsu" is the biggest jihad. nafsu -.-'

kekok

i have a lot of things to share SERIOUSLY but i don't know how to put it in words. it might be misunderstood -.-'

life is always busy, i always have something to do. but usually i'll end up procrastinating hewhewhew. macam sekarang?! i supposed to have a lot of homework, why i'm still here?!

when i have free time (which is rare), i tend to miss some things i left behind. 2011 now like a distant memory. macam dah bertahun-tahun tinggalkan 2011. but it's only 3 months right? i feel so old. i feel old not because i'm 20, i feel old because i suppress too many feelings. i need to hold on for a little longer. phew, this is hard. really.

i may "slip" sometimes and people will talk. people judge "better" than Allah does -.-' at least Allah waits until the Judgement Day to judge. now is the time to plead for His help, again T_T

is it okay if i say i miss you?

maybe not, i'll keep the "missing you" part until the right moment come wahahaha this is hilarious. am not supposed to be all this sappy in the middle of the night. i should be off sleeping. good night peeps :)

FEVER

i got fever for almost 5 days now. 5 days, lama tu.. for something as common as fever kan? lama sebab i just take paracetamol (Panadol) two times a day and other traditional methods like lap badan guna kain basah, makan buah-buahan etc etc. on the second or third day i had sore throat. very SORE sore throat. susah nak telan makanan/minuman tu satu hal, yang paling tak best bila sujud rasa sangat sakit. i don't know why. rasa macam there's huge something trying to get out of my throat *over* oh, tambah dengan sakit kepala kot.

i must admit that since i came to India, i am very vulnerable to any kind of disease. seriously man, baru dua tahun kat sini eh dah berapa kali jumpa doctor eh demam lagi eh bosannya kau sikit-sikit sakit T_T tapi selama ni tak pernah la demam sampai 5 hari baru pergi jumpa doctor mintak antibiotic. i never had such sore throat. sedih..

sedih sebab usually when i'm sick i'll call Umi and nangiiiiiss haha yeah, i used to be that cengeng. but Abah always tell me jangan buat Umi risau, and Umi has hypertension too. so this time around i'm so cool i just say hai Mom i'm sick, eh don't worry i've taken some medicine i'll be fine bye. lepas bye terus nangis sorang-sorang, boleh tak? *foreveralone*

at one point in your life, you become so matured you don't want to make your parents worry anymore :p

my friends keep asking me are you really sick, you don't look sick at all. i was like, "do i have to cry in front of you guys to prove that i really am sick?" come on man, i used to be that cengeng girl. now i prefer not to cry in front of anyone *except Umi, Abah, Toby and encik best friend*.

when i'm sick, i am very vulnerable ALONE. that's why i prefer to go to school and laugh at something funny, crack my head on the lectures and forget the pain for some time. poyos sikit, tak ada la sakit mana tapi i'm bad at handling pain. every night for 4 consecutive days i was so worried i might die and nobody would notice *drama* eh tapi serius, anyone can die anytime right? then i got worried about my amal and what should i answer Allah when He ask me anything T_T

why i don't look sick? bila nampak sakit, people sympathize. then? that's all. come on, everyone is busy mana ada masa nak sympathize for 5 days. but it's really nice of you guys to ask me whether i'm fine, really appreciate it :") i don't want people's attention. because it's only for one second. but Allah's not. so i prefer to look sick when i'm alone. or with Toby *Umi and Abah don't count because i don't want them to worry*. or with encik best friend.

btw, i missed a lot of things this week. i have loads of homework, i even flunked my presentation and i missed a lot of usrahs too. but i learned a lot of things too. and i get to know some people better. Allah, please i need my good health back. i'm sorry i don't appreciate it when i have it with me now i learned my lesson T_T

p/s : semua orang sangat baik :")

long timeeee

i've been so busy. exam's over last two weeks and i spent one week in Malaysia and last week was a busy week, too. i was busy adapting to the module and yeah, we had three autopsies and it was super exhausting. actually we only had to stand up and WATCH but maybe the smell and the look of the deceased drained the energy out of me *over*.

i should cerita some more about autopsies. out of the three cases (so far), two of them were suicidal cases. yes, taking their own lives. it was so heartbreaking to see these people who just simply give up with life. i said so to my friends and they said may be because they don't know the Creator and they don't know that they actually has Him to rely on to. sedihnya T__T

sedih for them, and for their families too.

alang-alang dah cerita, let me tell all the procedures (i don't know how it is done in Malaysia but this is the Indian way). first thing first, you have to know that every unnatural death (as in die not because of diseases, which includes road traffic accidents too) must undergo autopsy. in Malaysia, it is up to the families whether they have any suspicion on how their families die. anyway, they take the bodies from the hospital/death scene straight to the morgue. but they have to wait for the police's "permission" to do the autopsy and it may take some time *biasa lah India*.

after the "permission letter" is given, terus angkut mayat masuk the autopsy room and the procedures usually take about less than 30 minutes but it would be longer if there are students. imagine, we were so excited during the first autopsy. ironically the family of the deceased were crying outside. we had to remind each other "eh buat muka sedih, kesian family dia".

after the identification and history on how the deceased die, the "undertakers" (they call them the undertakers! i thought undertakers are the ones who dig the grave?) will start the cutting. anyway, they start the incision from the symphysis menti.. alrite, let's not use the medical terms. the incision starts from the chin to the upper level of groin. masa first year i covered my nose because i can't stand the smell of formalin but now i covered my nose because i seriously can't stand the smell of fresh blood. a lot of blood. and the smell of fat. and the look of the deceased..

they take out all the organs by pulling the tongue first until the large intestine. bet you guys can't imagine how hewhewhew. just imagine, i don't have any picture (not that i want to post any even if i have one) -.-' once the organs are out they start examining the organs and take some of them and put them in jars for chemical analysis, depending on the history of the deceased.

i hate the part when they cut open the head and take out the brain. they examine the covering of the brain (it's called meninges) and cut open the brain to see the white matter inside. after finishing the examination they simply put all the organs into the body including the brain. yes, you read it right, brain is now in the tummy and the head is empty. there's a reason behind it though. too lazy to tell, Google sendiri k? later the sew the body together and clean the body and DONE. sekejap gila. and they're getting ready with the next body. phew.

honestly i hate autopsies. i hate to see the bodies are roughly handled. i rather stick to my aim of becoming a pediatrician. heh.

eh, nak share satu benda boleh?

‎"And when someone puts all his trust in Allah, He (Allah) will be enough for him." (65:3)

bai :')

p/s : mana janji nak rajin update #WS? T__T

21

read something fascinating; "But paradise is locked and bolted...we must make a journey around the world to see if a back door has perhaps been left open" - Heinrich von Kleist.

naaaah, i have my own dream. i want to enter Jannah through the front door, with the welcoming Malaikat...along with my family and friends :) tak nak la masuk back door. back door would me i'm a second intake to Jannah. nauzubillah.

p/s : i'm too happy here, Alhamdulillah. thanks Allah for your gift - a whole week Umi and Abah. and a long day with Ira this Friday. yeay!

15

i've been waiting for tomorrow for two years, with a bigg question mark. now i have the answer, but things have changed and it makes me so sad hukhukhuk T____T *over*

i've made the choice to be "just best friends" until the right time comes. why worry, as long as we believe in "kalau dah jodoh tak ke mana" tak ada hubungan pun tak apa. kita bercinta dalam hati je k? *macam geliiii*

we've been "just best friends" for more than a month now. rasa awkward sikit but it's okay, kot? i'm okay and he's okay eh, okay ke? are you? hmm sebenarnya banyak nak kongsi tapiiii some things are better left unsaid, kot. doakan yang terbaik je la :)

p/s : sorry. sorry for the millionth time.

p/s/s : you're the best best friend i have ever had :')

*nangis*

11

cik hati, tolong jadi budak baik boleh? dok diam-diam je. nanti kita cakap heart-to-heart k. sekarang i busy, sabar ye? :")

Allah, dugaan jenis lain pulak datang. kena kuattt. Astaghfirullah :(

p/s : ekzenggg seninggg! doakan!

7

last usrah was a little different since Kak Farah wasn't there and we got a "kakak usrah angkat", Kak Fin. Kak Fin is adorable and she's married! *heh selalu excited dengan senior yang da kahwin* but i miss Kak Farah, let's pray for her recovery :(

oh, nak share satu cerita.

yesterday was a tiringg day, lately selalu penat sebab banyak benda nak kena buat. eh, tapi sekarang cuti? oh ya lupa cakap kitorang sekarang study week, Isnin depan akan start exam. cuak, kot? tapi sebab fikir Allah kan adaaa rasa cuak hilang sikit hewhewhew. i was tired, by 9 dah tidur and set alarm pukul 12. poyo gila, tak mungkin la akan bangun pukul 12 kan *last-last bangun pukul 2 pagi boo* -,- bangun je tidur ada orang cakap "eh tahu tak ada rumah terbakar..." over.

bukan terbakar, tapi ada kek terbakar. but the unfortunate thing is, all of the house members were asleep and Allah je tahu for how long they sleep with those bad gases *carbon monoxide, sulfur oxide yada yadaaa*. tapi Allah baik, Dia gerakkan hati salah seorang untuk bangun dan kejukan yang lain. nasib baik semua sempat bangun dan keluar rumah cepat-cepat, kalau tak..?

nak dijadikan cerita kitorang tengah belajar module respiratory tract, tahu apa carbon monoxide boleh buat? CO is a bad bad gas, diorang akan fight oxygen untuk bind dengan red blood cells (RBC) and they have 1000 times affinity toward RBC! sekarang cuba fikir apa consequence kalau RBC tak boleh bind dengan oxygen? ya, badan tak dapat oxygen. might lead to death. scary T__T

what happened last night make us thinking, macam mana kalau..? payah kan nak sebut perkataan m***. padahal m*** tu pasti. takut.. takut nak kena berhadapan dengan malaikat maut, takut nak jawab soalan-soalan dalam kubur kelak, takut kalau kubur gelap dan ada binatang-binatang geli *nauzubillah* dan yang paling takut, apa nak jawab dengan Allah nanti kalau Allah tanya "apa amalan kamu yang kamu rasa kamu layak masuk syurga?" ternganga nak jawab.

"Tetapi hanya Allah lah pelindungmu,dan Dia penolong yg terbaik " (3:150)

Alhamdulillah semua selamat, sekarang ada misi nak dilaksanakan minggu depan :) fightingg!

HURRY

got two pending #WS and one pending wedding story but i'm either too busy or too lazy. mid semester exam's a week away, have to work very hard.. will update later, HAVE TO sebenarnya sebab i've promised to share some things that i've learnt in usrah rite?

bai!