Sesak

Another exam is approaching fast. Asyik exam je? *muka pasrah* Heh takpe akan redha je kalau tak ada exam buku tak bukak la kan nasib baik ada exam hewhew. Stress k bila belajar 1 topik mesti lecturers nak tanya the previous previous topics yang related to the topic. Mesti la lupa kan, nama pun manusia haha alasan. Hm nampak sangat bila exam baru nak baca betul-betul habis je exam terus lupa T_T




Baiklah. Kak Farah's in Malaysia. That means there's no usrah for two weeks. Boleh je sebenarnya nak cari sendiri reminders or hadith or apa-apa la yang selalu kitorang buat masa usrah search kat Youtube je kot tapi kan dah ckp, exam dah dekat bila exam dekat lagi stress lagi banyak tidur. Eh mcm pelik je. Haha see, alasan lagi. 




Lately asal weekend je duduk rumah sangat malas nak keluar sanggup kelaparan sebab malas nak turun beli makanan haha masak pun malas boleh bayang tak? :3 I want to be productive! ...without having to keluar rumah. Sekarang panas malas gila nak tukar baju semua tolong la cepat winter balik (kfine lagi 2 bulan lebih kurang) *pasrah*




Banyak kan merungut? Haip lupa bersyukur ke? Okay banyak benda kena bersyukur. Bersyukur sebab sekarang dah pandai mandikan Toby (dah dua kali mandikan sendiri hewhew), bersyukur sebab semalam buat red velvet cake with cream cheese topping nyamnyam dengan Hana and sedaaap, bersyukur sebab walaupun malas masak malas beli makanan tetap ada makanan kat dapur haha *random*, bersyukur sebab ... selebihnya rahsia dengan Allah ;)




Tahu tak i sign up nak jadi IMSA? Er not sure what it stands for haha Hafiz (class rep) tiba-tiba tanya kau nak jadi tak, remember i told i want to be productive? So i decided i would though there are many ... hmm macam ni, kalau jadi IMSA means kena kerja under kolej which means ... if you follow this blog from the start you'd know what i mean ;) It's okay, i work well under pressure. I may complain but i do what i have to do. Eh baru hantar borang candidate, entah jadi entah tak :p




Okay bye rasanya kena start belajar balik dah lama sangat rehat ni.




Assalamualaikum :)

26

"We're not what we used to be. We're best friends, remember?"

"But we still spend a lot of time together"

Macam mana ni? T_T

*haha*

back in the days where i don't care about anything at all.

silly me :)

400

Di hatiku ada dua cinta yang bergolak dan berbolak balik. Antara cinta Allah dan cinta dunia sedang berperang dengan begitu hebat dan dahsyat sekali.

Jika kau tanyakan aku, “Adakah Dia di hatimu?”

Aku hanya mampu menjawab, “Aku seorang insan yang sedang bermujahadah agar Dia ada di hatiku. Aku belum sampai ke tahap mencintaiNya, tetapi aku yakin aku telah memulakan langkah untuk mencintaiNya.”

:(

WS #5

last usrah was at Mia's house. it was a little different from the usual ones we had because Kak Farah was busy with exams so we simply sat and recite surah Al-An'am and try to reveal the meaning of those verses.

now (since i haven't updated WS for months hewhewhew) i want to share some verses that i find very .... you know the warm feelings when you come across one ayah from the al-Quran and you know Allah is always there for you? so, yeah :)

"Orang-orang yang bertakwa tidak ada tanggungjawab sedikit pun atas (dosa-dosa) mereka..."

'mereka' refers to those who deny al-Quran. seeing that verse, we can simply say eh suka hati kau la nak buat maksiat ke nak pakai baju tak cukup kain ke kubur kan lain-lain bila aku kat syurga nanti jangan sibuk nak kacau aku k *rolls eyes sebab tak percaya i actually use that 'kubur lain-lain' phrase haha sangat drama melayu*. but, let's see the continuation of the ayah.

"... tetapi (berkewajiban) mengingatkan agar mereka (juga) bertakwa".

maksudnya? sebab kubur kita lain-lain la aku kena tolong kau nanti kalau kita jadi jiran haha. kita tak tanggung pun dosa 'mereka' suka hati la mereka nak buat apa, tak akan affect kita pun. tapi kita WAJIB remind them what's right and what's wrong. as long as you are a Muslim, dakwah is compulsory. come on man, dakwah is not meant for ulama' only. telling your friend eh, baju kau jarang sikit rasanya elok pakai baju lain nanti Allah marah. that's dakwah.

and that reminds me of a story. i used to be so segan to write any Islamic stuff on Facebook, i was worried what people would think of me. people might say that i'm a hypocrite YOU WRITE GOOD STUFF ON FACEBOOK BUT YOU STILL WEAR TIGHT JEANS AND SMALL SCARF you know what i mean? but i came across a quote, saying *lebih kurang* kalau kau rasa tak cukup baik untuk cakap benda-benda baik sampai bila-bila la takkan ada orang yang akan ajak ke arah kebaikan dalam dunia ni sebab semua orang pun tak mungkin akan jadi sempurna. faham tak? that means someone gives you an advice, you take the advice becauses it is a good advice, the adviser may be the worst person you even met but who cares? the advise that matters.

makanya sekarang Facebook jadi tempat sharing a lot of things regarding Islam. but some people say *memetik status seorang kenalan* heh kau tulis benda-benda Islamik kat Facebook kau ingat kau boleh masuk syurga ke? come on man, at least we talk about good stuff here ;)

so how to remind them? see the next ayah.

"...peringatkanlah (mereka) dengan al-Quran agar setiap orang tidak terjerumus (ke dalam neraka), kerana perbuatannya sendiri..."

jangan bagi alasan tak tahu, Allah dah bagitahu semua benda kot. tapi kena usahakan cari la. cari dalam al-Quran, banyak lagi benda kita tak tahu sebenarnya..

satu lagi Allah cakap "...tidak ada baginya pelindung dan pemberi syafaat (pertolongan) selain dari Allah.." if you want to ask for someone's favor, mesti nak kena buat baik dengan dengan dia kan? that applies in this situation too. ikut cakap Allah, nanti Allah tolong kat akhirat. kata nak pergi syurga.. ;)

kbai :)

24

i want these people to be my neighbours in Jannah ya Allah :')

dress for who?

i'm really bad when it comes to fashion. i've spent two years wearing the exact tudung hitam every night to prep. sometimes i would wear white but black is my favourite. black matches with every baju kottt. but when i left school, people start to ask a lot of questions.

eh, you're wearing red baju kurung why you wear it with black scarf?

eh, why you always wear this black tudung?

eh, i give you so many tudungs why you still wear this one?! *this is Umi*

despite all those comments i still wear black (i'm that degil hewhew). well, sometimes i wear green or blue (very rare) or cream *all from Umi's collection*. i don't even have tudung bunga-bunga WHY SHOULD ONE HAVE TUDUNG BUNGA-BUNGA IF ALL THE BAJU ARE ALREADY BUNGA-BUNGA?! tak faham -.-'

when i came to India, i have more favourite colours besides black. Umi gave me a lot of tudung before i left Malaysia heh she wants to make sure i stop wearing black and become more cheerful haha. now people stop asking me awkward questions and i was happy with my life.

until the last few months i started to think about a lot of things. all my tudungs are of 'bawal' type ; very see-through and small (hence the boobs flashing). i started to become very uncomfortable wearing these tudungs so i decided to wear shawls instead. no, not the see-through one but the thick and heavy one. i don't look good in shawls and i'm always messy -.-' but i wear them anyway for the sake of covering up my neck and chest *still struggling*

the problem is, shawls are very cheaaap and India has so many interesting patterns i have to have them all! so i have a lot of shawl bunga-bunga (and a lot of bright coloured shawls) this time and i'm still clueless when it comes to mix and match hence the awkward questions......

eh, why you wear green with brown?

eh, you can't wear baju bunga-bunga with tudung bunga-bunga!

eh, meriahnya you hari ni...

-.-'

i thought the 'covering up' is the aim, not the fashion itself. and 'covering up' is not JUST pakai tudung. what's the use of tudung if people can still see the things that shouldn't be seen by the non-muhrims? *slapping my own face NOW ONLY YOU REALIZE?!* wear a proper tudung that can cover your hair (well that's the aim of tudung anyway), your neck, ears and chest. a proper tudung must me matched with a proper baju right? proper as in, it is loose, long (tutup bon*** maluuu) and match it with loose pants or skirts. heh, senang cerita pakai je baju kurung. bila pakaian atas dah cukup decent, what about covering up your kaki too? wear cute socks! :D

easy to say, i know. but TRY, for the sake of Allah. everyday i have to struggle to maintain to dress for Allah, the last thing that i care is does my shawl match with my baju kurung? as long as i dress decent enough, don't ask me awkward questions.

but please, you can say whatever you want if i dress not decent enough for Allah to see. i need the reminder :(

it hurts, you know.

p/s : jaga pakaian, and jaga a lot of other things too. now i understand why people said "jihad melawan nafsu" is the biggest jihad. nafsu -.-'

kekok

i have a lot of things to share SERIOUSLY but i don't know how to put it in words. it might be misunderstood -.-'

life is always busy, i always have something to do. but usually i'll end up procrastinating hewhewhew. macam sekarang?! i supposed to have a lot of homework, why i'm still here?!

when i have free time (which is rare), i tend to miss some things i left behind. 2011 now like a distant memory. macam dah bertahun-tahun tinggalkan 2011. but it's only 3 months right? i feel so old. i feel old not because i'm 20, i feel old because i suppress too many feelings. i need to hold on for a little longer. phew, this is hard. really.

i may "slip" sometimes and people will talk. people judge "better" than Allah does -.-' at least Allah waits until the Judgement Day to judge. now is the time to plead for His help, again T_T

is it okay if i say i miss you?

maybe not, i'll keep the "missing you" part until the right moment come wahahaha this is hilarious. am not supposed to be all this sappy in the middle of the night. i should be off sleeping. good night peeps :)

FEVER

i got fever for almost 5 days now. 5 days, lama tu.. for something as common as fever kan? lama sebab i just take paracetamol (Panadol) two times a day and other traditional methods like lap badan guna kain basah, makan buah-buahan etc etc. on the second or third day i had sore throat. very SORE sore throat. susah nak telan makanan/minuman tu satu hal, yang paling tak best bila sujud rasa sangat sakit. i don't know why. rasa macam there's huge something trying to get out of my throat *over* oh, tambah dengan sakit kepala kot.

i must admit that since i came to India, i am very vulnerable to any kind of disease. seriously man, baru dua tahun kat sini eh dah berapa kali jumpa doctor eh demam lagi eh bosannya kau sikit-sikit sakit T_T tapi selama ni tak pernah la demam sampai 5 hari baru pergi jumpa doctor mintak antibiotic. i never had such sore throat. sedih..

sedih sebab usually when i'm sick i'll call Umi and nangiiiiiss haha yeah, i used to be that cengeng. but Abah always tell me jangan buat Umi risau, and Umi has hypertension too. so this time around i'm so cool i just say hai Mom i'm sick, eh don't worry i've taken some medicine i'll be fine bye. lepas bye terus nangis sorang-sorang, boleh tak? *foreveralone*

at one point in your life, you become so matured you don't want to make your parents worry anymore :p

my friends keep asking me are you really sick, you don't look sick at all. i was like, "do i have to cry in front of you guys to prove that i really am sick?" come on man, i used to be that cengeng girl. now i prefer not to cry in front of anyone *except Umi, Abah, Toby and encik best friend*.

when i'm sick, i am very vulnerable ALONE. that's why i prefer to go to school and laugh at something funny, crack my head on the lectures and forget the pain for some time. poyos sikit, tak ada la sakit mana tapi i'm bad at handling pain. every night for 4 consecutive days i was so worried i might die and nobody would notice *drama* eh tapi serius, anyone can die anytime right? then i got worried about my amal and what should i answer Allah when He ask me anything T_T

why i don't look sick? bila nampak sakit, people sympathize. then? that's all. come on, everyone is busy mana ada masa nak sympathize for 5 days. but it's really nice of you guys to ask me whether i'm fine, really appreciate it :") i don't want people's attention. because it's only for one second. but Allah's not. so i prefer to look sick when i'm alone. or with Toby *Umi and Abah don't count because i don't want them to worry*. or with encik best friend.

btw, i missed a lot of things this week. i have loads of homework, i even flunked my presentation and i missed a lot of usrahs too. but i learned a lot of things too. and i get to know some people better. Allah, please i need my good health back. i'm sorry i don't appreciate it when i have it with me now i learned my lesson T_T

p/s : semua orang sangat baik :")

long timeeee

i've been so busy. exam's over last two weeks and i spent one week in Malaysia and last week was a busy week, too. i was busy adapting to the module and yeah, we had three autopsies and it was super exhausting. actually we only had to stand up and WATCH but maybe the smell and the look of the deceased drained the energy out of me *over*.

i should cerita some more about autopsies. out of the three cases (so far), two of them were suicidal cases. yes, taking their own lives. it was so heartbreaking to see these people who just simply give up with life. i said so to my friends and they said may be because they don't know the Creator and they don't know that they actually has Him to rely on to. sedihnya T__T

sedih for them, and for their families too.

alang-alang dah cerita, let me tell all the procedures (i don't know how it is done in Malaysia but this is the Indian way). first thing first, you have to know that every unnatural death (as in die not because of diseases, which includes road traffic accidents too) must undergo autopsy. in Malaysia, it is up to the families whether they have any suspicion on how their families die. anyway, they take the bodies from the hospital/death scene straight to the morgue. but they have to wait for the police's "permission" to do the autopsy and it may take some time *biasa lah India*.

after the "permission letter" is given, terus angkut mayat masuk the autopsy room and the procedures usually take about less than 30 minutes but it would be longer if there are students. imagine, we were so excited during the first autopsy. ironically the family of the deceased were crying outside. we had to remind each other "eh buat muka sedih, kesian family dia".

after the identification and history on how the deceased die, the "undertakers" (they call them the undertakers! i thought undertakers are the ones who dig the grave?) will start the cutting. anyway, they start the incision from the symphysis menti.. alrite, let's not use the medical terms. the incision starts from the chin to the upper level of groin. masa first year i covered my nose because i can't stand the smell of formalin but now i covered my nose because i seriously can't stand the smell of fresh blood. a lot of blood. and the smell of fat. and the look of the deceased..

they take out all the organs by pulling the tongue first until the large intestine. bet you guys can't imagine how hewhewhew. just imagine, i don't have any picture (not that i want to post any even if i have one) -.-' once the organs are out they start examining the organs and take some of them and put them in jars for chemical analysis, depending on the history of the deceased.

i hate the part when they cut open the head and take out the brain. they examine the covering of the brain (it's called meninges) and cut open the brain to see the white matter inside. after finishing the examination they simply put all the organs into the body including the brain. yes, you read it right, brain is now in the tummy and the head is empty. there's a reason behind it though. too lazy to tell, Google sendiri k? later the sew the body together and clean the body and DONE. sekejap gila. and they're getting ready with the next body. phew.

honestly i hate autopsies. i hate to see the bodies are roughly handled. i rather stick to my aim of becoming a pediatrician. heh.

eh, nak share satu benda boleh?

‎"And when someone puts all his trust in Allah, He (Allah) will be enough for him." (65:3)

bai :')

p/s : mana janji nak rajin update #WS? T__T