Diwali

It's Diwaliiii what I like most about the Diwali is the fireworks! Semalam sanggup panjat rooftop duduk setengah jam tengok fireworks haha seronok, kalau tahun lepas batch kitorang gigih beli mercun bagai main ramai-ramai atas rooftop. Tapi tahun ni macam tak meriah sangat agaknya malam ni baru meriah malam ni tak dapat la nak lepak atas rooftop esok dah start sekolah wuu T_T


Eh lupa bagi salam, assalamualaikum :)


Masa sangat cepat berlalu, tiba-tiba tinggal lagi dua minggu nak habis posting Medicine, 1 minggu exam dan minggu seterusnya dah masuk posting Surgery. Medicine best, sebab belajar tak susah sangat semua dah pernah belajar sekarang lebih fokus on signs and symptoms dan yang paling penting how we enquire the patients about their symptoms (history taking). Phew, bukan senang nak diagnose penyakit rupanya. Tapi kalau based on your surrounding, contohnya sekarang musim denggi so bila ada patients admit complaining of demam, rashes, sakit belakang etc etc haa, denggi la tu.


Kalau kat Sindhi Hospital, benda yang paling common; complications of Diabetes Mellitus (kencing manis), chronic liver disease due to alcohol - sign palingg common is ascites (fluid accumulation in abdominal cavity), congestive cardiac failure, pneumonia  malaria, dengue, cholelithiasis (batu karang kot, eh entah tak sure) etc etc. Ada la sesekali case menarik contohnya "mak cik murmur" agaknya ada congenital valvular defect (malas nak refer case file hewhew) setiap kali I turun ward A mesti pergi auscultate sebab nak dengar murmur. Macam mana nak classify apa jenis murmur, kena auscultate sambil tangan stau lagi rasa dia punya carotid pulse kalau pulse/murmur serentak makanya it's a systolic murmur (Linda ajar) :)


Eh sebenarnya nak cerita benda lain.


Dua minggu lepas (kot) ada juniors baru datang Bangalore. Seronok berkenalan (akhirnya I'm a real senior sebab diorang 18-19 tahun juniors sebelum ni sama umur kot haha), bawak diorang shopping jalan-jalan makan-makan, funny I used to be those juniors and I was so scared and trying so hard to be nice to those seniors sekarang they barely recognize me T_T. Treat people the way you wanna be treated, makanya I decided to be nice to these adik-adik and hafal semua nama dengan harapan sampai bila-bila boleh ingat bila jumpa mana-mana boleh hai semua orang :)


Soalan paling famous dalam kalangan adik-adik;


"Akak, macam mana belajar?"


Selalu I akan jawab benda sama - belajar continuous, hari-hari kena baca buku, baca dua tiga kali. Semalam I jawab lain sikit; I told the truth. Ehem. Truth is, I have the shortest attention span, paling lama I boleh mengadap buku is half an hour. Lepas tu rasa hebatnya setengah jam dah belajar terus reward diri sendiri dengan bukak Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, makan, tengok tv eh sejam kemudian baru sambung baca. Apa ni T_T Sebab tu I belajar selalu, sikit-sikit tapi selalu. Sebab nak fokus 3-4 jam macam mustahil. Orang suka cakap I nerd sebab selalu baca buku, cuba diorang duduk dalam bilik I selama 1-2 jam haa nampak la macam mana I struggle nak fokus T_T


"Akak, kalau pergi program sana sini tak ganggu belajar ke?"


Masa I first year dulu I selalu skip program apa-apa sebab I nak belajar. Housemates I masa tu suka pergi surau, pergi program itu ini (as in usrah, rehlah, jaulah) tapi I ada la alasan sebab tak nak ikut I nak belajar (nerd). Alhamdulillah, first year dapat distinction. Bila second year I tetiba rasa seronok nak ikut program, risau jugak pasal eh tak habis baca lagi macam mana niii, tapi last-last sempat je baca. Kakak-kakak selalu cakap "semoga masa yang awak habiskan kat sini (contohnya daurah), Allah akan balas balik". Alhamdulillah second year dapat distinction :)


In the end it's not about how much the time you spend to read but the quality of reading - yang penting faham faham faham, there's no excuse to skip usrah sebab nak belajar hewhewhew (gelak sopan).


"Akak, bila nak kahwin?"


Haa yang ni I malas layan.


Eh dua minggu lagi exam la bye nak belajar. Assalamualaikum :)

Korban

Last year I wore kebaya and shawl. Glamour habis (konon).

Yesterday I wore jubah (from Sha) and a serabai tudung biasa. 

One can define "korban" in many ways.

This year's korban was not as meriah as last year's. 

Takbir tujuh kali, enam kali selawat. Takbir lima kali, empat kali selawat.

But it touched my heart and I feel blessed, 

in many many aspects of my life. 

Life, as it is.

:')

Sayang

Get back home to this fat cat. 

Never fails to make me warm inside :)

24

Nak itu, nak ini. Kalau ikutkan hati nak semua. Tapi kadang-kadang tak dapat. Bila tak dapat rasa sakit, bila dapat tak bersyukur. Tak tahu apa yang hati nak sebenarnya. Nak hidup je la. Nak hidup baik-baik. Jadi orang baik.

Reality hits hard.

Then I fall to the ground.

Ada satu doa yang I kirimkan ke Mekah "Semoga jadi kuat, tabah dan ikhlas". Sebab tiga benda ni yang paling susah nak rasa. Paling. Susah. Tak cukup dengan doa je. Nak jadi kuat, supaya bila jatuh boleh bangun dan jadi orang yang hebat balik.

"...dan dijadikanNya kamu kuat dengan pertolonganNya dan diberiNya kamu rezeki yang naik agar kamu bersyukur" (8:26)

Jadi kena kuat.

Kena kuat untuk kuatkan semangat orang lain juga. Diri sendiri jatuh nombor dua.

Ah I miss my parents. I miss my siblings. I just wish things are as simple as they were one year back. Too bad the time has passed. 

"Orang baru". Sebenarnya tak baru sangat, sebab dah selalu ada. Mungkin tak cukup baik untuk semua.  Akan terima hakikat dan cuba jadi lebih baik. Tapi berbaloi ke cuba jadi lebih baik untuk orang lain? Diri sendiri macam mana? Padahal niat untuk Allah, kenapa untuk orang lain?

Tak payah ikut perasaan sangat kot. 

Kata kuat.

K.

Assalamualaikum.

Baru

So the clinical years start. And it started with quite a downfall. Eh over. Bukan la downfall sangat tapi tetiba dapat hospital yang tak disangka-sangka makanya all my imaginations of what it should be like in the third year have shattered I kinda need some time to reconstruct everything. Jyeah I'm that dramatic haha.


So I'm posted to Sindhi Hospital, a small crowded private hospital somewhere in Bangalore. It is 40-45 minutes away from home and yes, if I miss the bus I have to pay at least Rs 130 to reach Sindhi. Small means it has two buildings - one academic building (classrooms and offices) and the hospital itself. The hospital has four floors and there are three wards; A, B and C. We are not allowed to do round in ward C because it's for the rich people. Faham-faham je la the caste system in India.


Since I've been posted not less than a week (btw I'm in medicine department!) so I need more time to adapt, tak nak buat conclusion cepat sangat mana la tahu things change and I'll like it eventually.

"...boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu padahal itu baik bagimu dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal itu tidak baik bagimu, Allah mengetahu sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" (2:216)

Semangat! :D

Diary

"I've done something bad, please don't be mad at me"
"What?"
"Last year I read you diary"
"Okaay, so what did you discover?"
"You lied, you said when you were at my age you don't have boyfriends"


*akward silence*


The thing is, I'm full of emotions and I need to write everything down. I have my first diary when I was 10-11, it's a purple book with a lock haha rasa cool gila ada diary siap ada kunci. When I was younger I habe many crushes haha. So basically the diary revolved around the boys I liked and some mean friends.


I don't think I need to explain to my sister she wouldn't understand. She's so different from me (or my other sister) she's so kasar her only friends are boys everytime raya I ask her the same question "mana kawan perempuan Ira?" haha know what I mean?


Bila besar sikit mana ada dah cerita crush (okay tipu, ada la sikit-sikit) but mostly it revolved around best friends and future. I have no intention to lie to my sister but I wish I can turn back time and create better memories I don't want her to feel the same way as I do. It's a sister thing la kononnya nak "protect" her from the cruel world (over) or craps like fighting over boys but I can't control what's best for her everyone has his or her own stories, I just can guide her and pray for the best.


But looking from different perspective (gila la hai guna perkataan canggih dalam blog), those bittersweet memories are experience and here I am now, I've been through a lot of things before I really understand what the real purpose of life. I mean, at least I've experienced the rebellious phase, the pretentious phase and growing up phase (eh sekarang matured phase ke hewhew) bila dah besar dah matang, I know la sikit-sikit how to handle some complicated situations :)


Tahu tak one basic rule of life? If you read someone's diary you don't tell. Been there, done that haha.


A friend tweeted; "May not to forget our real purpose of life, biiznillah" :)


Assalamualaikum.

5 days

I'm going back to India in 5 days...... *muka tabah* Over k nak sedih padahal dah nak masuk tahun tiga okay tetapkan niat sekarang nak balik India nak belajar rajin-rajin, kurangkan lagha (dah cukup lagha dua bulan cuti tsk tskk), kurangkan buli Toby EH RINDUNYA TOBY agaknya Toby dah lupa siapa I T_T

Sebenarnya sangat rindu dengan suasana usrah, usrah kitorang selalunya tiap-tiap petang jumaat Kak Farah saje je kan buat petang Jumaat dah tahu esoknya weekend mesti kitorang nak keluar shopping tengok wayang hewhew kalau kena turn masak memang balik kelas terus sibuk kat dapur. 

Bila duduk dalam suasana baik-baik classmates pun budak-budak baik pakai sopan-sopan kita jadi semangat nak buat benda baik. Cuba duduk rumah dua bulan ada tv boleh online 24 jam tak ada usrah semua makanya lalai la saya bila tinggal lagi lima hari nak balik sana baru teringat Kak Farah ada bagi homework T_T


A friend posted this on Facebook;

"....kalau ulama nampak anak2 muda yg menghabiskan masa ini, dia akan berkata 'kalaulah aku dapat beli masa mereka, akan aku beli utk aku terus beribadah'..." 

Haa buang masa lagi T_T Kalau bukak balik senarai apa nak buat masa cuti mesti 2-3 benda je boleh tick. Tak apa, kita simpan next cuti. Eh.

Attachment #2

Y U SO LAZY?! T_T

K. Let's be productive, keep calm and start blogging :3

Assalamualaikum. Attachment is over yay! Haha I had fun for the past two weeks but I have one more week left in Malaysia, I have to spend it wisely before the classes start and no time to be lazy like this anymore?! Tipu je, kalau tak ada exam salunya free je sempat keluar shopping hewhew. Eh. 

So on the second week I was assigned at ward 8EF under General Medical department. The atmosphere is different from what I've experienced in A&E department. 

The ward is not too big but there are at least 30 patients, so you can guess how uncomfortable I was standing for hours (during ward round) in lab coat -.-'' Tengahari la paling panas but it's breezy in the evening since the hospital is tepi pantai. 

There's no adrenaline rush in the ward, sebab mostly patients stay there like 3-4 days so basically I met same patients (with few new patients once in a while) for the whole week dah tahu yang ini itu sakit apa yang itu siapa yang jaga etc etc. In A&E department patients come and go paling lama stay situ 2-3 jam then transferred to any ward. Every time I heard the buzzing sound of the alarm indicating patients are coming I feel excited (jahatnya) terus buat-buat sibuk kononnya doktor. 

The HO, MO and the specialist especially are very warm in the ward (doctors in A&E department hardly look at me haha probably because they're too busy). Start ward round earlier than 8 am but I'm not sure the exact time sebab I selalunya lambat hehe. Usually there would be a specialist during the round, MO, HO and also pharmacist. According to them, pharmacists are very important in GM dept because a broad range of drugs are required. 

Tetiba rasa pharmacists cool gila. Eh. All they have to do is follow the doctors, kalau rajin tanya patients apa drugs diorang guna which reminds me, org Malaysia sangat la manja semua ubat ikut doktor bagi je cuba la tahu apa nama ubat senang sikit atau lagi senang angkut semua ubat setiap kali jumpa doktor lain. Kalau kat India patients selalunya tahu nama ubat sebab doktor akan prescribe and they have to go to pharmacy on their own and buy eventually they become responsible haa cuba salah bagitahu ubat satu hal pulak. Kat Malaysia patients just go and see doctor and ambil ubat kat kaunter. 

Anyway, sekarang kan zaman komputer every data must be keyed in so kalau nak jadi doktor kena type laju-laju dan telinga kena peka MO cakap apa kena laju-laju type jangan berangan. Kat ward kan bosan sikit so I tend to look outside and berangan haha tetiba specialist tanya, I was like ... what okay bye tak berangan lagi dah -.-''

So, patients are mostly the elderly woman (eh jap memang ward perempuan pun), maybe 50 and above. Ada la 3-4 orang yang muda-muda usually pregnant women. Ada la 1-2 budak belasan tahun, agaknya ward pediatrik dah penuh kot. Btw ada satu dengue cubicle kat sini, hari-hari ada patient baru. Usually doctors watch out for signs of shock. Bila denggi paling penting kena "masuk air" or normal saline. Common diseases among these elderly women are uncontrolled DM or hypertension. Bila ada kencing manis/darah tinggi bila dah berumur sikit start affect kidney, or nerves on the foot and 60-80% (dengar specialist cakap) akan affect blood vessels in the eyes. 

I pity this one woman maybe she's 48-49 she doesn't look like 50 yet, she has uncontrolled DM, nephrotic syndrome, pleural effusion and there may be something wrong with the heart too (due to hypertension). Alahaiii how can one survive with all those problems :S Semoga Allah kuatkan hati makcik. There's nothing else I can do besides a smile (or two) and doa.

Other common disease is asthma! Everywhere I go I saw people gasping for air. Oh, satu lagi kerja pharmacist is show these patients how to use the inhalers properly. Kenapa diorang sampai masuk ward is sebab tak pandai pakai inhaler, so salbutamol tak sampai lungs, cane nak bernafas betul-betul? Terpaksa masuk ward pakai nebulizer or oxygen.

And one last common disease is IHD. Malaysians love fatty food - orang tua-tua kalau tak makan burger macam kita-kita (eh) diorang suka makanan bersantan segala gulai haa that would lead to "tersumbat lemak" bak kata makcik-makcik. One makcik refuses angiogram (according to makcik "masuk belon dalam salur darah") so she would be warded at least three days every month for medication. Another makcik has succesfully underwent angiogram she said "dok sakit eh, semut gigit sakit agi" haha comelnya.


Ada this one makcik (see ramai gila makcik kat hospital) she had ITP (idiopathic thrombocytic purpura) since forever. There's petechiae on the legs, bruises on the arms and ulcers in oral mucosa. MO selalu tanya "pening tak makcik?", sebab risau ada bleeding dalam otak. Baru tahu :3


I can go on forever explaining every disease I've seen in the ward -.-'' 

So what did I learn for the past two weeks? Satu, wear proper clothes terus bawak sembahyang so you don't have to carry telekung or what not, leceh kot. Dua, balik India nak belajar rajin-rajin la seronok tengok doktor bekerja I can't wait for three more years to end haha. Tiga, please take care of your health. Masa tua dah penat kerja selama ni mesti la nak berehat jaga cucu je sedih la kalau kena masuk ward 3-4 hari T_T 

Baiklah, assalamualaikum :)

p/s : Ada satu benda sensitif tak tahu boleh cakap ke tak. Insyaallah bila dah jadi doktor pangkat besar sikit mungkin boleh do something about it.

Attachment #1

Started my attachment on Monday. I'll be posted in two departments - Accident & Emergency (A&E) and Medical. I'm all alone T_T Maybe because I started a bit late and I wanted to enjoy my holiday first hewhew.


So far what I did is berdiri the whole day watching the procedures done by doctors and nurses. I ask very few questions HAHA because KALAU DIORANG TANYA I BALIK CANEEE haha so most of the time I stand at one place and listen to the diagnoses or what medication should be given. Paling seronok bila HO kena explain apa diagnosis and the reasons behind it to the MO muka diorang cuak gila masa tu I boleh menyibuk kat tepi MO (haha boleh?) buat muka serius dengar explanation.


I kawan dengan kakak-kakak nurse pelatih, they are so sweet no wonder they wanted to become nurses at the first place. HO are so busy so I mingle with the nurses instead. Setakat ni tak berani lagi draw blood or anything I'm trying to learn the process by observing first. Scary :S


AT A&E department, there are 3 zones - red, yellow and green. Red for critical, yellow for semi-critical and green for biasa-biasa patients. Usually I stand back and forth in yellow or green zones because the patients are still awake and I can observe their symptoms and the diagnoses. Most patients in green zone are babies and children. Babies came with jaundice (VERY small babies) and children came with cuts and scratches from fall and a girl came in today with blisters and reddening of the whole right leg due to allergy.


Oh ada dua orang MO from Besut (kot) buat attchment kat sini, one of them sangat baik tak ingat nama apa tapi seems like she's the only one who notices my existence HAHA dia tetiba tanya soalan a lecturer would ask nasib baik I boleh jawab mesti muka cuak gila masa tu sebab tak expect kena tanya. I selalu rasa macam I'm invisible no one can see me tetiba ade HO terlanggar kaki. K -.-''


Hmm ade few interesting cases (yang mampu recall).


1) Seven year old boy with abnormal jerking movement, dia start jadi macam tu masa tadika tapi stop lepas tu jadi balik masa umur tujuh tahun. Setiap kali dia jadi macam tu hidung dia akan berdarah and the only way to stop it is by sleeping. Bangun tidur dia okay balik , tapi hari ni dia jadi macam tu dari awal pagi tak berhenti. Kesian gila sebab macam menggigil tapi sekejal-sekejap. HO bagi benzodiazepine. Diagnosis tak sempat dengar habis sebab ada kes lain masa tu -.-'' Sempat dengar MO cakap bukan chorea sebab kalau chorea lagi 'repetitive'.


2) Makcik 35+ tahun last period macam cair (dia cakap?!) bila scan ada ovarian cyst besar gila tapi HO cakap kalau tak rasa sakit atau discharge yang pelik-pelik boleh biar je cyst tu kat situ.


3) Kakak 20-an dah appendicectomy tapi ada pain kat right side of abdomen (terus ada MO tanya apa indications -.-'') bila scan ade edema kat mana tak sure sebab tak faham apa-apa bila tengok scan tapi dengar HO cakap. Diagnosis - adhesion colic following appendicectomy. Mula-mula syak renal colic tapi bila scan tak ada apa-apa pelik so exclude. Cuak sebab I kan dah 'buang' kalau jadi macam tu cane?! Baru teringat dua tahun lepas rupanya dah operate, over kan.


4) Budak kecik umur macam 4-5 tahun datang jumpa HO sebab 'ada kacang dalam hidung'?! Kelakar gila tapi kesian sebab HO korek dalam kot hidung sebab nak keluarkan, korek-korek ada dua bijik rupanya?! There's blood everywhere lepas tu baru teringat kat bahagian atas hidung kan very rich in blood supply so senang bleeding. Budak tu menjerit kuat gila sambil mencarut?! I terus keluar daripada cubicle sebab tak boleh tahan gelak haha eh tapi tak senonoh mencarut macam tu she must pick those kinda words from her brothers -.-''


5) Ada abang 20-an dia ade hallucinations and 'verbally abusive' (dengar HO cakap) dia amek monthly injection of apa tak sure tapi last month dia missed so dia dengar ada orang bisik-bisik kat telinga dengar orang cakap-cakap and nurse bagi injection kat gluteal lepas tu dia jerit marah-marah kakak nurse scary masa tu dah terfikir nak lari takut kena pukul -.-'' Lepas tu ada kakak daripada psychiatry department (kot) datang tanya soalan, dia sangat steady walaupun abang tu tengking.


6) Semalam ada mak cik tua dah 70-an dia datang sebab ada bloody discharge from nipple and 'fungating growth' (sekali tengok macam ada dua tiga nipples). Mak cik tu kan dia letak pad dekat breast mesti sebab bleeding tak berhenti :S HO dengan steady cakap "Mak cik kemungkinan ada cancer nanti kita buat biopsy untuk confirm". Mak cik kan tua, orang kampung, bila dengar CANCER mesti la cuak kan. Mata dia dah bergenang masa tu kesiannya tapi tak boleh nak buat apa..


7) Kakak 40-an ada unsteady gait. HO terus syak 'cerebellar stroke' sebab dia pernah kena 'young stroke' (dengar HO cakap) dan ada dizziness and diplopia. Tapi other cerebellar signs (ingat balik apa yang belajar masa practical Physio) are negative kecuali unstady gait. Pernah MRI tapi tak ada apa-apa, dah buat fundoscopy jugak tapi okay walaupun patient cakap mata sakit. Lama gila patient kat situ sebab HO tak bole figure out kenapa. Last sekali diagnosis something to do with telinga sebab dulu dia punya eardrum koyak and bernanah segala tapi dia tak buat follow up. HO suruh patient pergi ENT jumpa pakar dan check mata sekali lagi dan pakai specs sebab mungkin sebab tu jadi pening. Patient macam tak puas hati sebab EH ITU JE? Tapi sebab dah MRI and nothing's there so its nothing to with the brain after all.


K. Penat type. Baru dua hari dah macam-macam kes kan? Patut la HO nampak steady je walaupun datang kes pelik-pelik hari-hari dah diorang handle benda-benda macam tu. Walaupun sedih sikit tak mampu buat apa-apa haha tapi akan cuba belajar as much as I can and BE BOLD. Semoga hari esok lebih baik daripada hari ni, insyaallah :3


Assalamualaikum.


p/s : alamak nak update sal wedding tapi lupa?! -.-''

Free

One month left for holiday. I don't want it to end of course but deep in my heart I can't wait to be back in India again, faham tak perasaan tinggal anak selama dua bulan? *tukar DP gambar Toby*. But I won't say it out loud mesti Umi marah kalau tahu I nak balik cepat sebab Toby hewhew.

I've never been to Langkawi before, itu la masalahnya kalau benda dalam negara tak terfikir pun nak pergi sibuk fikir nak jelajah dunia (over). Jelajah dunia pun belum, India is so big you know, and by the time I leave India I don't think I want to come back haha so I have three more years to jelajah the whole India. I want to go to Goa, beach and lobster are some things I look forward to hewhew. 

Eh sambung cerita Langkawi. So I've been bugging Umi and Abah jom la pergi Langkawi but their raya holiday is too short tetiba dah kerja balik and there goes my dream tsk. Starting next week I'll be busy with attachment so maybe next holiday T_T

Last Saturday I went to a programme with I-medik I met a friend last jumpa like 3-4 years ago. It wasn't planned tetiba keluar kereta EH PEI LA haha and no awkwardness attack so far :3 Back in school we are the naughty ones sekarang pakai tudung labuh semua dah nak jadi dokter alahai how time flies :') 

Eh macam random gila post ni.

A friend is getting married this weekend! Agaknya dia cuak sebab sesekali keluar status cuak hewhew dengan I sekali cuak. Told Umi about her getting married Umi cakap "Umi dengan Abah tak setuju anak-anak kahwin awal, Angah kan baru 20 tahun?" EH KITA PULAK haha. I'm just 20, rasanya tak cukup matang untuk handle HUGE thing like marriage. 

Kat Facebook selalu terbaca status "bakal imam" la, share pasal "pesanan untuk pemilik rusuk kiri" la, rasanya tak perlu benda-benda macam tu.. Fine semua orang nak suami baik-baik isteri baik-baik tapi keep it private, doa diam-diam, mintak dengan Allah and at the same time cuba betulkan apa yang tak betul dengan diri sendiri dulu insyaallah Allah bagi yang terbaik.

Eh random gila tetiba cakap pasal kahwin pulak dah.

Going to hunt some blouses this evening! Bagi alasan kat Umi, "tak ada baju nak pergi tengok orang kahwin". Over haha.

Bye assalamualaikum.

p/s : Sebenanrnya nak update cerita raya dengan kawan-kawan tapi sampai sekarang tak ada orang upload gambar, k.

Nah Toby gedik.