13

Today I spent 3 hours lebih kurang in the OT. We watched three upper GI endoscopy and one colonoscopy. Upper GI endoscopy is a barbaric procedure, I tell you. In India they don't give any anesthesia  for the patients so they simply push the camera (attached to a tube) inside the patient's mouth while holding the patient's hand to avoid any disturbance, up to second part of duodenum. Patient would be drooling and wanting to vomit. Just imagine T_T


The procedure selalunya lasts about 5-10 minutes but if the patient is not cooperative they will end it faster. Tapi kena la cooperative kan, no matter how teruk it is, better make it prefect for the first time so you don't have to repeat the same thing in future.


Afterward we watched appendectomy, Dr Prakash Babu is so kacak haha he did it in less than 20 minutes (by laparoscopy). It's the second appendectomy we see, and he keeps saying "Laparoscopy is the best method for appendectomy it won't leave much scar" to ME. Tsk. I said I had perforation during an open appendectomy last 3-4 years and my scar is ugly. K.


Then we had a patient with pilonidal sinus. Its a sinus (a blind tract) filled with pus at the natal cleft. Haha google it for better explanation. Hah teringat tadi I tried to explain to a patient what is goitre. Sangat awkward bila dia buat muka masa I cakap pasal hypo- and hyperthyroidism.


Anyway Dr Prakash did a wide excision in other word he removed all the infected flesh together with sinuses and pus and leave a huge hole in the butt. I had to ask "Sir are you going to leave it open like that?!" haha yes, it has to be left open to prevent any infection. Like Dr Prakash said "Infection is our biggest worry".


Later we watched hemithyroidectomy, which is the highlight of the day.


I continue writing this post two days later, and I forgot what I wanted to write. Er well.

*     *     *     *     *

I told a friend, I don't like Surgery as much as I like Medicine (I miss the rush of ward round in Medicine posting) but everyday I'm excited to go to hospital because I like the surgeons. Not because Dr Prakash is kacak je la, I like the other surgeons too, they all so charismatic and know Anatomy very wellll. I thought Anatomy is over once you finish the first year of MBBS haha. I shall marry a surgeon one day haha EH TETIBA.


Talking about marriage, a friend of mine got married yesterday. Every time I think of marriage I would think of my family. Let's say I get married at 22 (contoh), that means I just spend 22 years with my family?! Tolak all those years in boarding school, the foundation year, 2-3 years abroad.. Seems like we spend more time with our partner than our own parents. Tsk.


Eh, I'm not against early marriage, I'm just saying you know. But I'm all against getting married abroad without the presence of parents and families. Kalau dulu-dulu boleh la terima, balik Malaysia pun sekali dua je. But now, better go home and get married all you want haha. Marriage is not between two people its the whole family. Eh I'm not even married why I'm giving lecture about marriage haha kbye.


I'm at this age where everyone is talking about getting married, you know. It's hard. Haha.


Now this; "Dan orang-orang yang beriman serta mengerjakan kebajikan, Kami tidak akan membebani seseorang melainkan menurut kesanggupannya, Mereka itulah penghuni syurga; mereka kekal di dalamnya" (7:42). This is for you, if you find life is hard. I do. But I'll find ways to be happy everyday and be grateful for everthing I have been given so far. Alhamdulillah :')


Assalamualaikum.

11

Assalamualaikum.


I have cold and sore throat for the last few days. My voice is all croaky and I'm forbidden to eat a lot of things but as a typical doctor (to be) I don't listen to any of the doctor's advises, hence the worsened irritation at the back of my throat. Ehem. I forgot to take the antibiotics (amoxicillin and potassium clavulanate) 3-4 times, but I continue the regiment because those are expensive ones. Tak nak membazir. Hopefully there won't be any bacterial resistance in my guts..


I don't think I like Surgery much. It's so theoretical, I have to remember all those things I used to hafal in Anatomy segala arteries, nerves and whatnot. I miss playing doctors in Medicine posting, but OT is fun, no doubt about it. We got thyroidectomy this Thursday! Now I'm trying to mug up all the terms related to thyroid. Malasnya.. Lately I'm so malas but every time I'm so malas I would think of the faces of adik-adik who keep asking me how to belajar and all. Malu sikit bila bagi semangat kat orang lain tapi diri sendiri terkapai-kapai (over). Now I'm multitasking, I'm writing while my eyes are fixed to the anatomy of thyroid gland haha (tipu).


Dr Prakash Babu sangat kacak haha random. He's young and sweet, today he told us to study well and be the "front bench" students. He said he used to be the nakal students who did last minute study and hardly read books. I said "Eh, but you're a good surgeon now". He said "Oh thank you! I'm yet to be one, but thank you for the compliment". Haha it's totally different with Dr RKT in Medicine posting, he's very charismatic and he knows he knows everything and tell everyone that he knows everything HAHAA. But its acceptable la, because everyone knows he's good.


Since Sindhi Hospital is a small hospital, I get the chance to relax a bit in this posting. Except kalau ada OT we would stand hours and crack our heads trying to answer Dr PB's questions. See, I have to be rajin now. Why am I so malas?! Kadang-kadang I'm too malas to think I just google the answer but he knows! He would say "Where's your phone?" maka all I could do is sengih -.-'''


I miss my family, serius nak balik tapi Abah cakap "Kena fokus". K Abah. Lagi sentap bila kawan bagitahu "Faham tak perasaan seronok niiii?", k dah beli tiket. Kata nak jadi independent, masa ni la nak cuba. Gulp. Cuba.



Bye assalamualaikum. Semoga esok lebih baik daripada hari ni :)

27

My life revolves around friends, since I spent so many years away from family kekadang rasa I spent more time with friends instead of growing up with my family. I have to admit that I'm not a good friend, I find my faults in my friends and most of the time I wish they are more like me (haha).

Ala, biasa la kan tak puas hati perangai dia macam ni, perangai yang itu macam tu. Reminds me of, I kan share banyaaak benda dengan parents I, Umi especially. Kalau tak suka kawan ni perangai macam ni terus call Umi mengadu (sekarang dah matang, kekadang je mengadu macam ni haha) satu hari tu I skype dengan Abah, lupa pakai headphone. Masa tu ada beberapa orang kawan, sekali Abah tanya "Mana kawan awak yang pemalas tu?" haha kantoiiiii panggil kawan si pemalas terus buat muka kat Abah dan cepat-cepat berlari cari headphone. 

Rupa-rupanya selama 20 tahun berkawan ada dua benda yang tertinggal. Satu, ikhlas. Satu lagi, sabar. 

Ikhlas.

Purity of intention. Straightforwardness in thought. Pursuit of no worldly purpose in one's relationship Allah and loyalty in servant hood to Allah.

Ada seorang kawan I kan, dia baik sangat. Baik as in baik gila sesekali I fikir kenapa la kau baik sangat, menyusahkan diri ada la. Sampai la satu hari I terbaca (stalker) pesanan dia untuk diri sendiri "Mak cakap kalau nak orang baik dengan kita, kita kena jadi baik dengan orang", rasanya semua orang suka dia. Siapa tak suka orang baik? Come on. 

Boleh relate tak?

Ala. Fail la nak share. Maklum la, I pun baru tahu rahsia ukhuwah (persahabatan). Nak bagi contoh paling senang la.

Sekarang kan clinical years, satu hari spent kat hospital balik rumah penat gila. Laparnya, kan best kalau dah ada orang masak tinggal nak makan je. Tetiba ada housemate nak masakkan, walaupun kita tahu dia penat sama la balik sama-sama lambat sama-sama nak ada exam minggu depan (contoh). Esoknya balik rumah penat lagi balik rumah housemate yang sama dah siap masak, ajak makan sesama. Kenapa dia rajin sangat nak bagi kita makan bukan ke kita sama-sama penat?

Ini la ikhlas, buat sesuatu kebaikan tanpa fikir banyak (sempat ke nak masak tak habis lagi belajar macam mana niii contohnya), bila buat kebaikan tak harapkan balasan dan rasa senang dengan kebaikan itu :)

Tahu, cakap memang senang. Tapi kalau tak cuba tak tahu. Macam kalau tak kena maka tak cinta. Eh.

Assalamualaikum, doakan kita exam lusa! :)

Nah kucing pemalas.

Diwali

It's Diwaliiii what I like most about the Diwali is the fireworks! Semalam sanggup panjat rooftop duduk setengah jam tengok fireworks haha seronok, kalau tahun lepas batch kitorang gigih beli mercun bagai main ramai-ramai atas rooftop. Tapi tahun ni macam tak meriah sangat agaknya malam ni baru meriah malam ni tak dapat la nak lepak atas rooftop esok dah start sekolah wuu T_T


Eh lupa bagi salam, assalamualaikum :)


Masa sangat cepat berlalu, tiba-tiba tinggal lagi dua minggu nak habis posting Medicine, 1 minggu exam dan minggu seterusnya dah masuk posting Surgery. Medicine best, sebab belajar tak susah sangat semua dah pernah belajar sekarang lebih fokus on signs and symptoms dan yang paling penting how we enquire the patients about their symptoms (history taking). Phew, bukan senang nak diagnose penyakit rupanya. Tapi kalau based on your surrounding, contohnya sekarang musim denggi so bila ada patients admit complaining of demam, rashes, sakit belakang etc etc haa, denggi la tu.


Kalau kat Sindhi Hospital, benda yang paling common; complications of Diabetes Mellitus (kencing manis), chronic liver disease due to alcohol - sign palingg common is ascites (fluid accumulation in abdominal cavity), congestive cardiac failure, pneumonia  malaria, dengue, cholelithiasis (batu karang kot, eh entah tak sure) etc etc. Ada la sesekali case menarik contohnya "mak cik murmur" agaknya ada congenital valvular defect (malas nak refer case file hewhew) setiap kali I turun ward A mesti pergi auscultate sebab nak dengar murmur. Macam mana nak classify apa jenis murmur, kena auscultate sambil tangan stau lagi rasa dia punya carotid pulse kalau pulse/murmur serentak makanya it's a systolic murmur (Linda ajar) :)


Eh sebenarnya nak cerita benda lain.


Dua minggu lepas (kot) ada juniors baru datang Bangalore. Seronok berkenalan (akhirnya I'm a real senior sebab diorang 18-19 tahun juniors sebelum ni sama umur kot haha), bawak diorang shopping jalan-jalan makan-makan, funny I used to be those juniors and I was so scared and trying so hard to be nice to those seniors sekarang they barely recognize me T_T. Treat people the way you wanna be treated, makanya I decided to be nice to these adik-adik and hafal semua nama dengan harapan sampai bila-bila boleh ingat bila jumpa mana-mana boleh hai semua orang :)


Soalan paling famous dalam kalangan adik-adik;


"Akak, macam mana belajar?"


Selalu I akan jawab benda sama - belajar continuous, hari-hari kena baca buku, baca dua tiga kali. Semalam I jawab lain sikit; I told the truth. Ehem. Truth is, I have the shortest attention span, paling lama I boleh mengadap buku is half an hour. Lepas tu rasa hebatnya setengah jam dah belajar terus reward diri sendiri dengan bukak Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, makan, tengok tv eh sejam kemudian baru sambung baca. Apa ni T_T Sebab tu I belajar selalu, sikit-sikit tapi selalu. Sebab nak fokus 3-4 jam macam mustahil. Orang suka cakap I nerd sebab selalu baca buku, cuba diorang duduk dalam bilik I selama 1-2 jam haa nampak la macam mana I struggle nak fokus T_T


"Akak, kalau pergi program sana sini tak ganggu belajar ke?"


Masa I first year dulu I selalu skip program apa-apa sebab I nak belajar. Housemates I masa tu suka pergi surau, pergi program itu ini (as in usrah, rehlah, jaulah) tapi I ada la alasan sebab tak nak ikut I nak belajar (nerd). Alhamdulillah, first year dapat distinction. Bila second year I tetiba rasa seronok nak ikut program, risau jugak pasal eh tak habis baca lagi macam mana niii, tapi last-last sempat je baca. Kakak-kakak selalu cakap "semoga masa yang awak habiskan kat sini (contohnya daurah), Allah akan balas balik". Alhamdulillah second year dapat distinction :)


In the end it's not about how much the time you spend to read but the quality of reading - yang penting faham faham faham, there's no excuse to skip usrah sebab nak belajar hewhewhew (gelak sopan).


"Akak, bila nak kahwin?"


Haa yang ni I malas layan.


Eh dua minggu lagi exam la bye nak belajar. Assalamualaikum :)

Korban

Last year I wore kebaya and shawl. Glamour habis (konon).

Yesterday I wore jubah (from Sha) and a serabai tudung biasa. 

One can define "korban" in many ways.

This year's korban was not as meriah as last year's. 

Takbir tujuh kali, enam kali selawat. Takbir lima kali, empat kali selawat.

But it touched my heart and I feel blessed, 

in many many aspects of my life. 

Life, as it is.

:')

Sayang

Get back home to this fat cat. 

Never fails to make me warm inside :)

24

Nak itu, nak ini. Kalau ikutkan hati nak semua. Tapi kadang-kadang tak dapat. Bila tak dapat rasa sakit, bila dapat tak bersyukur. Tak tahu apa yang hati nak sebenarnya. Nak hidup je la. Nak hidup baik-baik. Jadi orang baik.

Reality hits hard.

Then I fall to the ground.

Ada satu doa yang I kirimkan ke Mekah "Semoga jadi kuat, tabah dan ikhlas". Sebab tiga benda ni yang paling susah nak rasa. Paling. Susah. Tak cukup dengan doa je. Nak jadi kuat, supaya bila jatuh boleh bangun dan jadi orang yang hebat balik.

"...dan dijadikanNya kamu kuat dengan pertolonganNya dan diberiNya kamu rezeki yang naik agar kamu bersyukur" (8:26)

Jadi kena kuat.

Kena kuat untuk kuatkan semangat orang lain juga. Diri sendiri jatuh nombor dua.

Ah I miss my parents. I miss my siblings. I just wish things are as simple as they were one year back. Too bad the time has passed. 

"Orang baru". Sebenarnya tak baru sangat, sebab dah selalu ada. Mungkin tak cukup baik untuk semua.  Akan terima hakikat dan cuba jadi lebih baik. Tapi berbaloi ke cuba jadi lebih baik untuk orang lain? Diri sendiri macam mana? Padahal niat untuk Allah, kenapa untuk orang lain?

Tak payah ikut perasaan sangat kot. 

Kata kuat.

K.

Assalamualaikum.

Baru

So the clinical years start. And it started with quite a downfall. Eh over. Bukan la downfall sangat tapi tetiba dapat hospital yang tak disangka-sangka makanya all my imaginations of what it should be like in the third year have shattered I kinda need some time to reconstruct everything. Jyeah I'm that dramatic haha.


So I'm posted to Sindhi Hospital, a small crowded private hospital somewhere in Bangalore. It is 40-45 minutes away from home and yes, if I miss the bus I have to pay at least Rs 130 to reach Sindhi. Small means it has two buildings - one academic building (classrooms and offices) and the hospital itself. The hospital has four floors and there are three wards; A, B and C. We are not allowed to do round in ward C because it's for the rich people. Faham-faham je la the caste system in India.


Since I've been posted not less than a week (btw I'm in medicine department!) so I need more time to adapt, tak nak buat conclusion cepat sangat mana la tahu things change and I'll like it eventually.

"...boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu padahal itu baik bagimu dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal itu tidak baik bagimu, Allah mengetahu sedang kamu tidak mengetahui" (2:216)

Semangat! :D

Diary

"I've done something bad, please don't be mad at me"
"What?"
"Last year I read you diary"
"Okaay, so what did you discover?"
"You lied, you said when you were at my age you don't have boyfriends"


*akward silence*


The thing is, I'm full of emotions and I need to write everything down. I have my first diary when I was 10-11, it's a purple book with a lock haha rasa cool gila ada diary siap ada kunci. When I was younger I habe many crushes haha. So basically the diary revolved around the boys I liked and some mean friends.


I don't think I need to explain to my sister she wouldn't understand. She's so different from me (or my other sister) she's so kasar her only friends are boys everytime raya I ask her the same question "mana kawan perempuan Ira?" haha know what I mean?


Bila besar sikit mana ada dah cerita crush (okay tipu, ada la sikit-sikit) but mostly it revolved around best friends and future. I have no intention to lie to my sister but I wish I can turn back time and create better memories I don't want her to feel the same way as I do. It's a sister thing la kononnya nak "protect" her from the cruel world (over) or craps like fighting over boys but I can't control what's best for her everyone has his or her own stories, I just can guide her and pray for the best.


But looking from different perspective (gila la hai guna perkataan canggih dalam blog), those bittersweet memories are experience and here I am now, I've been through a lot of things before I really understand what the real purpose of life. I mean, at least I've experienced the rebellious phase, the pretentious phase and growing up phase (eh sekarang matured phase ke hewhew) bila dah besar dah matang, I know la sikit-sikit how to handle some complicated situations :)


Tahu tak one basic rule of life? If you read someone's diary you don't tell. Been there, done that haha.


A friend tweeted; "May not to forget our real purpose of life, biiznillah" :)


Assalamualaikum.

5 days

I'm going back to India in 5 days...... *muka tabah* Over k nak sedih padahal dah nak masuk tahun tiga okay tetapkan niat sekarang nak balik India nak belajar rajin-rajin, kurangkan lagha (dah cukup lagha dua bulan cuti tsk tskk), kurangkan buli Toby EH RINDUNYA TOBY agaknya Toby dah lupa siapa I T_T

Sebenarnya sangat rindu dengan suasana usrah, usrah kitorang selalunya tiap-tiap petang jumaat Kak Farah saje je kan buat petang Jumaat dah tahu esoknya weekend mesti kitorang nak keluar shopping tengok wayang hewhew kalau kena turn masak memang balik kelas terus sibuk kat dapur. 

Bila duduk dalam suasana baik-baik classmates pun budak-budak baik pakai sopan-sopan kita jadi semangat nak buat benda baik. Cuba duduk rumah dua bulan ada tv boleh online 24 jam tak ada usrah semua makanya lalai la saya bila tinggal lagi lima hari nak balik sana baru teringat Kak Farah ada bagi homework T_T


A friend posted this on Facebook;

"....kalau ulama nampak anak2 muda yg menghabiskan masa ini, dia akan berkata 'kalaulah aku dapat beli masa mereka, akan aku beli utk aku terus beribadah'..." 

Haa buang masa lagi T_T Kalau bukak balik senarai apa nak buat masa cuti mesti 2-3 benda je boleh tick. Tak apa, kita simpan next cuti. Eh.