Closure

"Hey, I see you were not listed for Distinction. It's okay you'll get one next time. But you were really good the other day."


:)

Goodbye Goodbye

I'll be leaving India in two weeks time. Everyone keeps saying they never planned to come to India but ended up here but they are thankful anyway etc etc but me, I wanted to come to India. I remember giving an official letter to the administration saying that I want to come to India tho I can go to somewhere fancier.  Haha I was that determined.

I don't have much to complain about India. Of course I despise the traffic, the annoying auto drivers, the fact that my house is just next to a railway station, the fact that the language is too complicated and why nobody understands when I speak a proper English, and how they complain about "your English is not too good" BUT YOU MADE ME SPEAK LIKE THAT haha and why would you let cows, chickens, cats and dogs roaming the streets just like that? 

Other than that, I kind of like India.

Anyway.. the results were announced and I did pass my MBBS. I mean, Alhamdulillah I've made it but being me, I want something more than just a "pass". I know I did good and it was a little frustrating but I keep in my mind that after five years I would be fine with the fact that I failed my own aim/target/goal or whatever so haha I feel better now. And I fought with a good fight so it's worth it, even it's just a "pass" haha. 

I was going through the old notebooks and I know I have done a good job and I am doing this because I like it, not just for the sake of a scroll. So I'm good here haha.

But no I won't be posting any "Hey guys I've made it!" status I don't deserve it (yet).

Anyway!

Dr Dominic is like the kindest examiner I'm so glad I had a Medicine case for long case and I was kinda hoping for a CNS case but He knew better so He gave me something a way easier haha. But I did a really bad job in Pediatrics short case. It's even more frustrating because I like Pediatrics the most. It's like I was betraying an old friend or something lol. Other than that I was fine. And theory papers -- they were the easiest haha! Seriously I was expecting something more complicated and cruel and you know, but okay fine, bronchopneumonia is fine.... haha!

Come to think of it.. why did I choose MBBS in the first place? Why did I not think of being something not involving life and death like you know, a teacher, or accountant or, I don't know. I was only 16 then but I was so convinced I wanted to be a doctor I wanted to be able to comfort people in need etc etc haha so here I am.. let's just hope I would have at least 6 months before I have to start working.....

My husband is the kindest he's busy cooking in the kitchen while I'm here writing in front of the laptop having fun hahaha I love baby, I'll cook tomorrow :p

Life is good, life is pretty good. I'm going to miss my five years in India. I envy Kak Fien, being able to come back to India and meet the teachers and showing them how successful she bcomes.. :)

I want to write a lot more I've been drafting everything in my head but it's too emotional I need some time to sort all the memories haha. Two week left.

Last Day Tomorrow

Have I told you that my husband is every opposite of me? I am anxious most of the time buy he is calm um not calm but chill? I think. For the past one month (3 weeks of study leave and 1 week of theory exam) he is so .. chill? Haha.


I want to know everything I read all the books and I remember most of the sentences what are the pages what are the pictures.. I ticked all the chapters I am supposed to read and sonetimes I write notes. But him! He started "feeling nervous" by the end of second week of study leave. And he started to "really read" when it is 4-5 days left before exam started. Like omg if I were him I would freak out haha.


The thing is he said the theory exam was easy and (quoted( "I think I would pass. Nah, I just want to pass" haha I hate him for being so chill. I am nervous all the time and I keep on checking "how much I need to score to gey an A!" -_-


Today is the last day for him and tomorrow would be my turn.. hopefully.. everything woukd be all right, Insyaallah *sambung nervous*

The Second Week

The second week is the hardest I guess. The first week I was excited and I read throughout the day. Now its the second week I got a little lazy and I just want to sleep all day long. Or go out to have coffee with anyone.


I said to Sha kenapa masa SPM or the time we have to sit for the exam which would determine where are we going next (yet, I chose India haha) I was so focused! I mean I did not have to check my phone every 5 minutes. In my defense we did not have Instagram or smart phone back then haha. Its because we are old now; according to Sha.


I keep picturing in my head what our long holiday would be.. tak sabar haha its been too long my whole body needs some rest. Macam zaman lepas SPM do nothing allll day and I kept on complaining how boring it was but now I want it back haha just wait I would be complaining the same things few weeks from now :p


Back to work! Come on babe you can do this! *yawn* *whereismycoffee*

A long day

The study weeks have begun! Its not actually official yet but I got extra few days because E delivered earlier than she planned so we have to postpone our exams and wait for her lol. She is so funny she's dilated like 5 cm and she still thinks about whether or not she should go and take exam? Seriously haha

Im so used to being occupied all the time I go out early to class everyday and come back home by 5-6. By the time I have finished my dinner its already 8-9 and then I have to read  and get ready for tomorrow's classes. Suddenly Im back at Ramaiah (Hospital) again. Kalau puasa tak payah cakapmla its like Im catching my breath all the time trying to keep up with time lol

Suddenly Im so free now.. Im not really sure what to do. Ok la I have to revise and vet ready for the big exam kan but my mind is floating elsewhere and by the time I feel like reading there's something nice on TV haha. I really should start focusing by now!!  *pulls hair*

Last night I was busy coaching my husband sjnce he has exam today. I made him listen to my "lecture" and mind you, I always make people repeat after me whenever I teach them something haha. Layan je la suamiku. But today he come back smiling ear to ear so I assume all is well la kot. We should do that again sometime before final exam I guess. But now he's locked up in his room enjoying kononnya detik-detik lepas exam sorry la you esok you dah kena start coaching balik ingat boleh senang-lenang ke dalam rumah ni haha eh. I asked him should we start worrying about flight tickets (to Malaysia next month insyaallah) now he said "Kalau I tak lepas macam mana?" I said make sure you do because I have to go back home by next month! :p

Im going out with Ama tonight. Gigih ya mengopi malam-malam macam ni haha its always so nice to hang out with a girl friend now and then after one whole day hanging out with a guy. Its really different haha you don't get to be all emotional and bitchy (haha!) with your husband you need a girl friend for that lol

Emosi ke?

First, its the last day of school after five years here. Memula macam lama gila lima tahun eh tapi sebenarnya tak rasa sangat sebab selama ni sekolah pun bertahun-tahun but anyway suddenly its 30 days away from the end of the game..


I try not to be emotional, you know. Im always the emotional type but somehow after I got married I kinda influenced by how cool my Husband is. Cool as in he does what he likes he does not care about silly thibngs the way I always do etc etc.


Dont let me start haha I dont want to be emotiinal just yet because I have sooo manh thibgs to do now. Exam next week, study weeks and all the thibgs I need to settle before going back for good and the final exam. I hardly have good sleep now because I dont want to sleep haha I dont want to be comfortable I just want to be thoroughly prepared. Because I want more than just "pass" (please hate me Im always the annoying overachiever).


And E is going for labour! She's one of the people I like here. The one who can listen to you all day and gives few weird remarks haha. I was there with her when she first knew she's pregnant. I went with her for her very first USG ok la I might not be that helpful when she vomited the whole time tapi nak emosi jugak haha tak kira.


Life is good, life is pretty good. Lets make more memories while we are still here :)

Sepuluh

I had the best ten days in my life haha I said to myself this is better that my wedding lol. Wedid not plan to go back to Malaysia to celebrate Eid but out of the blue my sister decided she wanted to get married so of course I have to attend the wedding kan dah la langkah bendul bahaha. We went back to Johor first (being a good wife ikut suami balik kampung hihi) I thought it would be scary tapi it was fun, really. The food is really gooood haha and Ibu literally forced me to eat everything "Kenapa tak makan ni Ibu masak, tak sedap ye..." so you see, I have to please her :p


It was my second time in Johor but it feels different this time around maybe because we have been married for almost a year so the priority has changed a bit so you know, macam mana nak cakap haha, its not about impressing anyone anymore but I just wanted to treat everyone like my own family. Since the pressure is not there its more fun la lol I read somewhere someone was asking macam mana nak rasa seronok beraya dengan in laws -- "Treat the in laws like your own parents" and thats that :)


Then I went back to Terengganu there was no more Raya of course haha we only celebrate Raya on the first day itself. And we are the cool type padahal ada wedding Sabtu tapi rumah rilek rilek je keluar jalan sana sini lol. It was a long time back everyone is at home and (padahal lima orang je) everyone is so busy growing up.. If I have known when we started leaving home one by one pergi asrama, if I would have known things are never be the same again.. haha emosi. The last time I got married I did not have time to be emotional I was too happy marrying the guy of my dream haha


A blends well with everyone and surprisingly he became best friends with Abah! You should have seen the way Abah treated him when he first came to visit. Abah is always so protective which is sweet, and annoying too at the same time. But to see both of them suddenly became so close and I know they talked about me (hmph) now thats a gooood feeling. And everyone stopped trying to speak bahasa haha everyine ended up speaking Terengganu and occasionally I would ask A "You faham tak nak kena translate tak?" :p


One more month before the big final! I cant wait to leave India. But I dont want to be an adult too T_T

So um, I'm back?

Hi! I mean, Assalamualaikum! Wow it feels weird to be back but I have the urge to continue writing because, you know, I just feel like it (and I'm too forgetful I need a place to keep track of the little things happening in my life). I'm 23 now by the way haha. I'm um, married and I have about two months left to graduate. Yay!


It's Ramadhan again and the days pass by reaaaally fast and again, I barely able to catch my breath. But I feel okay tho and I'm loving life nowadays. I just got back from Terawih and ummmm this is weird I'm so used to write to myself (I keep a private blog for over a year to keep me sane).


I'm in Emergency Medicine posting now -- my last posting before the final exam. I like the rush in A&E department I like how cool everyone is handling patients, they know what to do and what not to do and they don't seem to be bothered with emotion. Last two day I almost cried when a son brought his dead mother to the ER. He knew she was dead even before they came here and but he was hopeful and it was heart breaking when he started sobbing and called out for her.


That's one the reasons la why I wanted to write again so I can look back and reminisce the old days hewhew. And I'm getting annoyed with Instagram too -- everyone is kind like trying too hard to fit in they post selfies and write a totally unrelated captions (I do it sometimes haha) but come on, haha.


For the last two weeks my everyday routine would be -- wake up for sahur, eat, try to read something but fail and end up sleeping until 7.30, go to school, hours passed before I would realize the day is coming to the end, go back home and cook (okay I lied most of the time my husband would cook haha), Terawih prayer, try to read something but end up sleeping until it's time to wake up for sahur again and -- hey it's Monday again!


Before this all I have to do is you know, attend classes, examine patients, present the cases to the consultants.. and that's that. But in Ramaiah Hospital they treat you like one of those interns where you have to attend patients, fill up all the forms, follow up and out of nowhere a consultant would simple ask you about the progress of the patients, what are the interventions have been done to them etc etc. And the same time I have to attend classes and they expect you to know all the answers T_T


It's fun I like how we are treated as one of them but it takes up all the energy I have for one day by the time I get home all I want to is sleep haha. So um, I skipped one or two Terawih prayer...... haha but in my defense I did it at home so it's still considered oookaaay :p


Whenever I feel too tired to wake up in the morning I remind myself that I'm still young and why do I have to complain so much that's what I have to do as long as I'm alive and young and you know, kenapa aku attached gila dengan "agi idup agi ngelaban" (isit?) haha.

Ok bai.

Dilemma

I want an easy life. Easy life as per imagination - I would be busy reading books, eat whatever I want, laugh or cry whenever I want to, able to say no to anyone if I don't want (to do) anything, make faces when I don't like anyone, tell straight to their faces if I hate them, ignore rubbish talks, further ignoring brags, hm what else?

In my imagination, I am a selfish human being. And I always hate a selfish friend. So I definitely don't want to be one. 

Maka, I have to do what I have to do. Manage my anger, suck up my annoyance, be nice to everyone even if I don't feel like it, don't make faces, be patient, be patient and be patient. For those who know me well they know how impatient I am (especially if I'm waiting). Phew, so much I have to give up in order to become a pleasant friend.

And I will... try my best. I'm a year older I have to be a year wiser.

I'm sorry if sometimes my imagination rules me.

Assalamualaikum.

Aidiladha

Assalamualaikum.



This is my fourth Aidiladha in Bangalore. This year Aidiladha was a bit hambar. agaknya sebab seniors dah nak balik (some already left) and there's no single activity done! Cuma sembahyang raya takbir sesikit ada jamuan makan nasi beriyani... and that's all. It's boring I tell you. Let's just hope next (and last, Insyaallah) Aidiladha would be better, as meriah as we once celebrated when I was in first or second year.



Nasib baik some people are so thoughtful they cook a lot and my tummy sure is happy. This year I didn't cook anything haha maybe next year Insyaallah. The best dish I had this Aidiladha is Hana's lodeh. I siap mintak tapau haha. But it would be better with tempe tsk faham la keadaan orang merantau. Ini dah cukup baik hihi. Mira made kuah kacang, which is spicy (for me) so I kinda miss the usual, sweet kuah kacang in Terengganu but changes are good haha.



Sembahyang raya is syahdu as always.. In those less than hour time it makes me think about a lot of things. They talk a lot about "korban". How much have I sacrificed throughout the year for Him? And yet, He still gives me most of the things that I've wanted.



It's been a year. See how much I have grown haha. I don't even cry when I hugged Kak Farah goodbye ;)