Schizophrenia

When I was (eh lupa nak ckp assalamualaikum) in second year I learned Pharmacology and one thing that I like most is learning about all those anti-psychotic drugs. Then I came to know Jenny, a child schizophrenic. I  think I just randomly googled "schizophrenic child" then I found her videos on YouTube. I used to share it on Facebook but I doubt it if anyone would watch (because the video is like 10 mins who want to watch something that long) (except me).

I met a schizophrenic patient yesterday. I didn't expect to see one in Sindhi Hospital but well, I did. She's 40 plus I think well I'm not sure, she's very big (Dr Anitha said it might be the side effects of anti-psychotic drugs). She came with her husband, her husband made most of the talking (he speaks Kannada I can guess few words but mostly Dr Anitha kindly translated to us) and sometimes she would interrupt but she speaks Tamil and few random words that even Dr Anitha didn't understand. 

She said her husband is not her husband, she accused him of being alcoholic and beats her (later he showed few scars on his chest he said she sometimes got violent and hit him) and she claimed that she's married to the gods. 

*shivers*

The problem started after they got their first child (I think 20 years back) and the baby died after 3 months and she started behaving like that. Her husband is so loyallll anyone sane would simply run away and find another woman but he is still here and he's so sabar! He said he would do the laundry and he sleeps on the floor because his wife doesn't want him sleeping with her. And he got bitten by rats T_T

Bila lelaki yang baik, setia macam ni terus hati rasa auw sedihnya tapi lagi selalu jumpa perempuan yang sanggup tunggu suami bertahun-tahun.

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Most of the low class women in India don't work. All their time and whatever left for them are dedicated to their husbands and children. They do all the house chores and left with nothing to do at home when husbands go to work and children are in school. Now that's how they develop depression. Free time and loneliness are cruel I'm telling you.

Dr Anitha said "Happines comes from the inside and the real happiness doesn't depend on people around you", let's say your happiness depends on your husband but he's busy with work and doesn't have time for you, you started feeling lonely and depressed. 

Psychiatry is definitely not my thing. I feel sad seeing these patients. They lost hope all they need is love. 

(More on) Psychiatry

Hai assalamualaikum.



So it's the end of first week of Psychiatry and ... I've changed my mind. No, no don't get me wrong, it is an interesting subject I can listen for Dr Anita's lecture for hours (yes, we had 4 hours lecture with her) but it's so hard. I mean, the hardest thing is to get the patient to admit that he or she actually depressed or addicted to alcohol.



So I met this one patient. According to Dr Anita she is depressed due to multiple medical condition. The first thing that I thought when I saw her is, no way this woman is depressed, she wore a pink saree! I don't know if it counts but well, I usually have a good instinct. So we started asking questions like why are you here, so you got fever how is the fever, okay you vomit how was it etc etc like we always do with the patients.



Coming to the psychiatric part, we started by asking how are you feeling today? How is your family, isit you husband working etc etc. I asked so you husband is always home la everyday? I meant to say does he go for outstation for days then come back (kononnya nak elicit is she depressed because her husband is busy or whatever).. Guess what she said? Eh I got only one husband, not two okay, of course he's always home. What T_T



So we asked about the children, the daughter in law, is she nice etc etc. Are you happy with your life etc etc she said yes, I'm happy when I'm watching tv (and started saying something about whatever series she watched) aaaa you're supposed to be depressed you shouldn't be happyy (I wanted to say that). So that's it. We failed to complete the history taking because she had no sign of depression at all (except for weight loss but that also may be a sign of an underlying medical illness) pft.



I know it's only one patient. But I prefer talking to some kids with fever and loose motion. It's a lot easier and fun. I miss Pediatrics posting. Thank God Psychiatry is only for one month. But I may change my mind again next week.



I change my mind for 2-3 times in one day, it always make me hesitate to answer "Eh tadi kau cakap lain?". My mind is constantly working so please don't mind me if I say one thing before and another thing the next day hihi.



It's a happy day, Alhamdulillah :)

Currently reading and yes, it's about a schizophrenic patient.
I'm a nerd haha I know.

Glad

Hai assalamualaikum.


I don't really like India haha especially Bangalore. Except for the malls and good food, I'd rather live in a calmer place like Manipal (eh no, I dislike the heat), Kerala (this is the calmest place I've been in India) or Goa (lol semata-mata sebab lobster kan) or any place la. Like Coorg. Bangalore is dirty and noisy pft that's why I like garden kot, because I can spend some time away from the busy cityy. Eh tak ada la city sangat sebenarnya, Malaysia is way modern than Bangalore (even Bangalore I tell you), just imagine how are the other places in India haha. Okay except for Delhi, that one is a big city.



But I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad about a lot of things today.



Today I met an old man with (probably) a cancer. He looks so old and no one was there when I saw him. I imagined he is a fierce father and he works hard for money. Now he's old and he got ascites (fluid accumulates in abdomen so the stomach is protruding outwards) (probably) due to the cancer. I'm sorry I cannot do anything. I'm sorry I don't know Kannada and cannot talk to him.



Today I saw an old man tengah-tengah jalan trying to fix his broken auto. I think everybody was mad at him because he's blocking the road. I dislike most of auto drivers here because they would do anything just to get more money. But this one, he's so old and it's really hot today. I'm sorry I cannot do anything to help him.



Today I kind of waiting for some beggars to come and ask for money.. I'm not saying I'm so nice or anything pft but usually in one day I would see one or two small girls begging for money or they would paksa us to buy some colourful stickers for 20 rupees. Kesiannya these girls because at their age I was busy getting fat and playing with my friends. And lately it's so hot in Bangalore.. I'm sorry I can only give 20 rupees.. I'm sorry you cannot eat as sedap as I am with only 20 rupees.



I should be very glad, no? I should. I have to.



And I'm glad I have a very good friend. I'm so glad to have you :)

:)

Hiatus

Oh hai assalamualaikum this is awkward haha because I haven't update anything in the past few weeks! I was busy with end of posting (Pediatrics) exam and I went for a weekend getaway in Coorg. 

Okay I lied. I wasn't really busy I just don't feel like writing anything here. I really like this blog but somehow I feel like.. it's not really me anymore. I want to write something beneficial to others, something that I'm proud of when He asks me one day what have I done for Islam at least I can answer yes I did write something..

Oh well.

I'm now in Psychiatry posting! I don't expect to see schizophrenia cases in Sindhi hospital anyway haha I may see depression cases, alcohol addiction cases, some random teenagers attempting suicide just because parents don't allow them to go out with friends, some sad wives with drunk husbands, OCD cases.. or something like that. Its only my first day today so I have nothing much to say.

Oh ya, you should see Dr Anita! She's a true psychiatrist I'm telling you, when I was listening to her this morning I can feel that her eyes are seeing right through me. I don't know if it is a coincidence but she did mention few things that make me go "she's definitely referring to me" haha okay ini delusions semuanya bahaha. I think I'll have fun with her ;)

I think I did something bad these past few days. Well I was offended with someone but I don't want her to know but I was really really offended so I decided I just wanna be cold and do whatever I want. I know its not good so today I really want to just forget and .. I can forget but I think I'm going my own way. I don't wanna please anyone anymore. I just wanna live and be good. Please Him and just be good. Eh sound so matured hihi. 

When my heart is full of bad thoughts (as in the reasons I was offended by that person) it makes me feel away from Him. So I guess its not a good thing so lets just forget and enjoy meeting depressed people in this posting xD

I had fun in Coorg though, rafting turns out to be fun haha. The water was cold and refreshing (before I saw some cows pee in the water). Coorg is known as "Scotland of India". But its still India haha. 

Bye assalamualaikum :)

Babies

Thanks to Pediatrics posting now I'm so in love with babies haha

Another Saturday

Hai assalamualaikum!



Do I whine to much?
I dislike slow people. I dislike dirty dishes. I dislike blackouts. I dislike hot, sweaty afternoons. I dislike unproductive days. I dislike a lot of things, or it's just me being ungrateful?



Let's put aside all these negative thoughts and cheer up. Like going out for a good lunch later on, okay :)



Oh its the GE 13 tomorrow! I'm sorry I can't vote, I just turn 21 this January and I haven't daftar whatsoever anyway I have to go to Chennai to settle this voting thing so yeah, maybe I have to wait for the next election (which is 5 years from now?!). I want to choose to! I asked Abah whom he's voting for he said "Undi kan rahsia" what I'm you daughter I have the right to know haha.


Sometimes I wonder.. do people really want a change, or simply because they want free education or cheaper cars? Really... gambling for the nation's future for the sake of cheap cars.....



Pray for the best.

Listen

Bahasa ketiga

Assalamualaikum.


Tadi kelakar. Eh ingat nak tweet je tapi baru teringat kat Twitter ade 27 followers je haha nak share dengan ramai orang makanya gigih update memalam sambil dengar lagu hindustan :')



Tak lama dulu ada terbaca post siapa entah, pasal siapa entah haha kenapa ni benda paling susah dalam dunia adalah nak ingat nama orang tsk jangan ikut perangai ni, kena belajar hargai orang k lepas ni kena hafal nama semua orang T_T Nak dipendekkan cerita haha post tu pasal budak melayu tapi tahu mandarin. Hebat k, ingat senang nak belajar bahasa ketiga.



Haip I kat sini dah tiga tahun takkan tak nak belajar bahasa ketiga kot? Dah la arab setakat tahu beberapa perkataan malu sikit, nasib baik ada tafsir al-quran kalau tak haru baca je tak faham apa-apa T_T



Makanya since few days I start belajar Hindi haha kenapa Hindi kenapa bukan Kannada (dialek kat Bangalore)? Kannada susah k haha serius susah gila rasa tak worth nak belajar setakat nak guna lagi 2-3 tahun kat sini jadi better belajar Hindi at least Hindi ni kira worldwide sikit nak tengok cerita Hindustan tak ada subtitles pun boleh ok over haha.



Haa nak ceritanya, tadi kelakar, ada patient tak tahu English langsung cakap Kannada sepatah-sepatah tapi sebab kitorang dah lama jugak la mingle dengan patients macam ni kitorang macam dah boleh tangkap la apa yang dia cuba nak cakap. So masa patient cakap kitorang angguk angguk la ya faham, haha Dr Nadaf kelakar buat muka terkejut macam nak cakap "Eh macam mana korang fahaammm" haha lepas tu semua berlagak konon faham sebenarnya 1-2 perkataan je faham yang lain main agak je haha.



Ada patient sorang lagi, bila dia tanya tahu Hindi tak? Hindi mellum nehi? I dengan semangatnya "Tora tora mellum he" lolll baru belajar 1-2 sentences nak berlagak, sekali mak cik tu terus cakap Hindi alamak macam mana ni takkan nak mengaku sebenarnya tahu sikit je haha. Ok lain kali tak buat dah :')

So I decided

Assalamualaikum.

I've been in clinical posting for 6 months and two weeks now. I'm glad I finished my first two years! Bosan (sikit) k, everyday we have to go to class, sit and listen for 2-3 hours, 1 hour break, eat, pray, rehat-rehat then we go to lab for practical session. Practical as in see the slides, write down names of drugs, draw bacteria.. God, I'm so hebat I can go through all that in two years haha! Ok la, during the first year we got to mingle with cadavers, potong-potong, identify this and that ok laaa tak bosan, best actually. Tapi masa zaman berhingus asyik nak ponteng kelas dissection hehe. Masa second year at least we got to see few autopsies. It was interesting but it's far too scary, I prefer cadaver, really. Freshly-dead humans are.. not so.. inviting.. well. 

Anyway, I've been posted in PD Hinduja Sindhi Hospital, about 30-40 minutes from our place (depending on the traffic). It's a small private hospital. Small as in there's only one building, empat tingkat, 3 OTs, one small xray/ultrasound room, small consultation rooms.. Nasib baik we got our own classrooms with LCD screen (for lectures and seminars) haha, I guess to compensate our small hospital kot ;p

There are two more hospitals where our friends are posted which are way bigger and more patients and doctors. So it's not pelik la when some people come to me and said.. "Eh I've seen Sindhi hospital, so small! So kesian you guys, I guess you got few cases only no?" (haip English diaaaa dah tak ada rupa English dah haha Mira cakap my English has been so "Indianized" last time I asked her "kat mana tu?" I said "where house that?" T__T). 

Ok la, I have to admit at first I don't like the hospital. Kecik! Patients tak ramai! Doctors tak ramai! I've begged the dean to let me transfer to other hospital but she said stay, you have a lot to learn, you will learn no matter where are you posted. So I stay, walaupun hati tak redha. Tak cukup redha lagi ni. Ada salah sikit I complain haha. 

Tapi.. I started to like it here. Memang patients tak ramai, penyakit pun biasa-biasa je.. Sebab dah tahu patients tak ramai la jadi umm apa org cakap? Tak take things for granted? Contoh, semalam ada patient (budak) with cerebral palsy, she's eight year old but she hardly speaks more than two words in a sentence. Nanti google k apa itu CP. Anyway, confirm ini je kes cerebral palsy yang kitorang jumpa makaaa semua orang semangat ambil kes, examine patient betul-betul, ambil history patient betul-betul, insyaallah present kes kat doktor pun betul-betul ;)



Dah la I ni jenis yang tamak haloba haha pantang ada kes mesti nak pergi jumpa patients nak tengok what are the symptoms, sama ke dengan apa yang kita belajar dalam buku? Tapi kalau ramai patients maka perhatian kepada each patient akan kurang. So.. less things I can learn. Kan orang cakap orang tamak selalu rugi? Haa I la tu haha. I don't know about others la, but that's how I am (malu).

I guess He knows me very well so He puts me here, where I will try hard to learn thoroughly and appreciate every patient that I've met. Kan kan kan, semua benda yang Allah buat ada hikmahnya. 6 months ago punya la I fikir apa la hikmahnya Allah letak aku kat sini, sekarang insyaallah dah faham. I should be thanking Him kan? :)



Sebenarnya I nak cerita benda lain haha. I nak cerita.. I have decided what I want to do after I finish my internship ;) Sekian haha. Assalamualaikum!

Tetiba Toby haha bye

Kids

Hai assalamualaikum its Khamis and it's holiday in India yay. Padahal baru habis cuti seminggu baru start posting baru (Pediatrics) dah tak sabar tunggu weekend, haip. So what should i do today? I finished my laundry, I've done baking sponge cake for tiramisu... oh ya mandikan Toby. Ok itu malasnya ya Allah haha sebab Toby sangat berbuluuu setiap kali mandi mesti bulu melekat kat muka, tangan, baju, seluar.. Ok (redha).



Ok dah berjaya mandikan Toby, phew. Terima kasih Linda pinjamkan hair dryer. Toby over k, siap kena keringkan bulu. Tapi kalau tak keringkan satu hari baru kering. Terutama bahagian ekor. Sebab tu malas nak mandikan -.-'



Sebenarnya dalam hati tak nak bawak balik Toby bila dah habis lima tahun kat sini haha kalau boleh nak bagi orang je buat macam kucing sendiri sebab sangat leceh nak kena buat visa segala dah la Toby dah tua nanti kesian dia nak kena kuarantin kat airport lama-lama. Tapi Mira insists I bawak balik jugak sebab katanya "Toby tak boleh hidup tanpa I" haha.



Mungkin tak boleh dinafikan sebab Toby macam tak ada life. Kerja dia tunggu I balik sekolah, main-main dengan I bila malam tidur sesama. Bosannya jadi Toby haha. Baiklah, akan diusahakan untuk bawak balik Toby T_T Kalau mampu, nak kena "tanam" microchip dalam badan Toby sebagai ID, senang nak keluar masuk negara mana-mana sebab ada "kad pengenalan". Haih macam-macam kucing ni, over tau.



Lately I'm so malas to eat, unless people drag me to eat anywhere. If not, I just feel so lazy to go to the kitchen. It's a good thing, no? I'll be kurus in no time haha. But it's no so good when I wake up the next morning with tornado in my stomach. Some people said I'm kurus now hehe. I asked them "Is it as kurus as I was back in Mais time?" *silence* "Of course no". Oookaaayy haha I was so kurus back then! Now I look so thick pftt how to look good in wedding dress ni... (berangan) haha. Our seniors are so busy with gyms and everything because everyone wants to be kurus! I think they are getting married by next year or so, so that's why. Told you I'm in that phase where everyone talks about marriage all the time haha.



Oh ya, I'm in Pediatrics posting now and I got two new posting mates! After all these months I keep on seeing the same faces.. finally.... haha. It feels more fun with seven people in one class instead of only five people. So another four months before I finish my third year! Meh so fasttt. I feel like just yesterday I talked to my very first patient (I remember him! He got pneumonia or something) now my patients are all... kids. I don't know how to talk to small kids! Their mothers are scaryyy. I prefer bigger kids with grandmothers. Because mothers are very scary when their children are sick. Betulll.



I want to run on treadmill. But I have to switch off the fan, kesian Linda, it's so hot now.. Lets wait after Asar then.



Eh I talk so much today.



I haven't call home since Monday (I came back to India last Monday after a week holiday in Malaysia). Let's kumpul all the stories before I talk to mom again. Kesian her I talked so much when I was home I think she's getting bored haha. Kesian all the people around me too because I talk so much pretty much all the time hehe. But i think I'm pretty quiet at home because by the time I reach home I'll be too tired after so much talking for the whole day.. Hm maybe I should do less talking and more listening. I remeber that one hadith saying someting about "better be silent if you have nothing good to be talked about" ookkayyy I'll try :)



Sometimes I lost track of whatever azam I did earlier.